What I Wish I'd Known in High School

...OR Jr. High & College and pretty much my whole "Pre-marital Life."

I went and saw the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" recently and Oh, It's

Just. So. True!

I had actually learned about the book by the same title years ago after seeing the author on Oprah one day and it was like TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT!

Just because a guy TALKS to you, doesn't mean he likes you.

And when he smiles & laughs/jokes with you, that doesn't necessarily mean he likes you, either.

He may even take you on a date - occasionally [FYI: "hanging out" is NOT dating], but that also doesn't mean he likes you.

He might actually KISS you, too, so does that mean he likes you? Unfortunately, NO!

I DID NOT know this all those years!

My husband did all this in High School, too. I asked my husband, "WHY?" so I could try to understand. It's not Rocket Science, "You don't wanna burn any bridges!" he replied.

If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you. He DID NOT lose your phone number. He isn't "swamped" with work/team sports/homework/his favorite TV shows. He is not out of town. He did not get hit by a cab. HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU AGAIN! Guys don't forget how much they like you, so put down the phone.



If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. He did not forget where you live. He was not eaten by a lion. He is not interested.



Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking. He will ask you out in advance. Doing the asking the night of or even the day of is called a "Booty Call." A "Booty Call" is also when he just asks you out if his #1 choice has already been asked by someone else - or if his #1 choice says, "No," but he needs a date anyway.



If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a darn, it's because he doesn't give a darn.



An excuse is a polite rejection. No class, no meeting early the next morning, No "Big Game" tomorrow, no illness will prevent him from being with you IF he is into you.

If he’s too busy to see you on the weekends,
And he doesn’t introduce you to his friends,
He's just not that into you.

If he’s a month late for your birthday,
Or if he calls you by another girl’s name,
He's just not that into you.

If he says he’s not the marrying type,
And he only calls you in the middle of the night,
He's just not that into you.

If he says she’s just a friend, like a sister,
Then one day you see him up and kiss her,
He's just not that into you.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you."

What's up with "sort of dating" someone? Who wants to be "kinda hanging out" with someone? Sometimes guys can "use you" - for rides, or gifts, or homemade dinners, or NCMOs (that's a blast from the past) because they DO enjoy those things -- just not you!

Every guy you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you. If you can get the milk for FREE, why buy the cow?

A guy who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the girl he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you, it should only be because he's showing up at your residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may like you as a friend, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

Why did I not know any of this?

Then along came Matt....

The first time he said, "I'll call you." I thought to myself, "The lies Men tell..." AND THEN HE CALLED!!

One night, I was attending a Conference for a few hours. When I got home, my roommates told me that Matt had called -- 4 TIMES!!

We started dating in November ('93) and I went to Texas for Thanksgiving that year. He gave me his necklace to wear while there so I "wouldn't forget about him." (I didn't!)

On Christmas ('93) he left his home and Family to come to my house and give me a Christmas gift and go to a movie with ME.

He kissed me for the first time that Christmas night (under the Mistletoe ~ how convenient!)

And HE CALLED ME AGAIN on December 26th!

One evening, I was at his apartment and one of Matt's guy friends called and wanted to get together. Matt told him he wouldn't because HIS "GIRLFRIEND" was over.

He invited me over to his apartment to watch the Superbowl with him & all his roommates!

He held my hand around campus, and DID NOT let go even if we passed old "flames."

After that, if he ever was going home for the weekend, he wanted me to come with him, too. Or vice verse, if I was going home, he decided he'd go, too. (Our hometowns were next to each other) And HE CALLED ME and WE DATED all weekend.

There was a dance we went to at the USU Student Center one weekend. It was the kind where couples could get "hitched." There was a make shift Wedding Chapel, with an "Officiator." You signed a "Marriage Licence" (that was also signed by a "Witness" by the name of Hugh U. Kiddin!) We even got these cheap gold "wedding bands" and you could kiss if you wanted to, also. (Of course, we wanted to!) BUT, HERE'S THE BIG THING...When we went into the "Chapel, the "Love of Matt's Life" (but not always mutual) ALL through High School, his Mission, & some of College was in there (hint: J.J.) BUT Matt went ahead and happily got "hitched" to me and laid a BIG ONE on me right in front of her - and DID NOT CARE that she saw - in fact, he felt fabulous doing that with me!

I actually started my job before Graduation, so I moved away from Logan a little early, but Matt had to stay for finals. We were only apart about 4 days when I came back for Graduation, but he was so glad to see me again, he had a graduation gift & card/letter for me and he told me he KNEW he wanted to marry me - AND HE DID, 3 months later!

Now, that Guy was/IS INTO ME!

Now, as a mother, I've got a Two-Fold Mission:

1. Teach my daughters. Now we have some clues on how to read guys. No more mis-reading!! Don't "Waste the Pretty!" You deserve to be with someone who will be nice to you all the time. There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't waste your time trying to get together (and are not with) all those other crappy guys who weren't into you.


2. Teach my sons. When you say, "I'll call you" you WILL call her!! (SOON - like the next day!) And DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT kiss her if you don't like her (more than a friend!) Sometimes it might be best to tell her, "I'm just not that into you!" I've always said I'm gonna change the world "one boy at a time!" :)