Kids Say the Darndest Things - January '11 Edition

Taken from the sidebar....


As he was handing me a less-than-stellar report card...
Ryan: "Please acknowledge my courage in showing THIS to you!" 1/11


Haylee was sitting at the kitchen table NOT eating her quesadilla...

Me: "Haylee, you LOVE cheese sandwiches. Pretty much this is the same! In America, we use bread for our bread. In Mexico, this (pointing at her tortilla) is their bread."
Haylee: "If I lived in Mexico, I wouldn't like cheese sandwiches!" 1/11


Ryan: "Why aren't you guys ever invited to a New Year's Eve party?
Me: "Well......either a) there aren't any people out there throwing parties -OR- b) no one wants to invite us to a party.
Ryan: "I seriously DOUBT people aren't having parties." 1/11

Science Fair Projects = Ticket to [a parent's] Mental Derangement

A Poll.

What do you think of School Science Fair Projects?

a) They SUCK rocks

b) They make me want to throw up

c) They are a form of torture

d) I'd rather poke needles in my eyes

e) It's a guaranteed trigger for a Panic Attack

f) I can't stop crying for a week about it

g) I HATE them

h) All of the above

Can you tell it's "that time of year again" - the end of January?

I have never been a fan of Science. Period.

In High School, I registered for a [required] Science class, which class' description stated, "Science for the non-oriented Science student" so I wouldn't have to be bothered with all that "deep" Science stuff.

But, that's not the complete reason I abhor the Science Fair Project part of my children's school career.
Rather, it's the leaving-it-until-the-last minute. It's the changing-your-mind-a-million-times-on-what-to-do-for-the-dang-project. It's your (my)-child-acting-like-it's-now-my-emergency/responsibility-due-to-their-lack-of-planning. It's the mediocre/bordering-on-lame-end-results-that-comes-from-their-above-listed-choices. And it's definitely the other-students'-professionally-designed-display-boards-that-have-MY-PARENT-DID-THIS-FOR-ME-written-all-over-it.

Note: I do not do my child's school assignments. I always tell them, "I already passed Kindergarten/3rd/6th/9th grade, I don't need to do that work again."
But, still.....when it comes to Science Fair Projects....I can't stand it. Just thinking about it leaves me full of dread. It drives me bonkers!

Last year, at Back-to-School night, our 5th Grade teacher announced that a Science Fair Project would not be required that year. Cheers literally erupted in the room. I was amongst the most joyful (READ: loudest).

So far, we've had experiments involving eggs, salt water, bananas, paper bags, thermometers, windows, cereal, magnets, noses, and starburst....
(At least, the little sisters were very willing and able to assist with the Starburst-tasting part of the experiment.) :)

And we're still only 40% of the way through with Science Fair Projects in this family.

Oooooohhhhhhhh, Bwaaaaawwwhhhh, huuuh, huhhhhh. BOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!

The "Incident"

As I already confessed, this anti-pet Mom allowed Santa to bring a hamster to Haylee for Christmas.

With MANY doubts and reservations.

Well, 5 days - JUST FIVE DAYS - after receiving "Lily" (the hamster) for Christmas, there was an "incident" that I alluded to in the aforementioned confessional blog post that made me regret I had gone against my gut.

I also mentioned in that post that demands were being made on me, by the "gift recipient" to keep my mouth shut about the "incident." And not to text about it either.

For the Record.....At this current moment, my mouth is completely shut and my cell phone is out of view.

Let me give some background....On Christmas Day, we had an episode of Chaos that involved the hamster escaping through an opening in her gate (that Haylee had failed to connect shut), running up the Christmas Tree, scurrying back & forth behind the armoire, scaling the TV/DVD player cords, evading everyone who tried to catch her, and causing all the spectators to scream, squeal, and/or cry. Matt finally got a hold of it, but it was moving around so spastically, that it looked like Matt was "juggling" her trying not to drop her - which DID end up happening anyway. The hamster jumped out of his hands back into the cage, hitting the top edge on the way in. I thought, Oh great, we're going to KILL this thing on the very first day - during the first 15 minutes, rather.

From that moment, we determined she was a "flight risk."

She's been trying to get out ever since.

And when she's not trying to get out, she's running away from us. Always running. She can't even hold still for a good, clear photo!

But, NO - that's NOT the "incident" I'm talking about.

After that, we figured we best educate ourselves on how to take care of a hamster. So, we googled it -- and we found out that it takes A WHILE for these hamsters to get used to their owners and that they shouldn't be handled immediately. It gave a 4 week program to build up to touching your hamster -- or else it can get really nervous or sick and it can bite you and try to run away and be all skittish. They have been referred to as, "Escape Artists." OK. Having learned that; New Rule: LOOK, DON'T TOUCH! And use ADULT SUPERVISION for cleaning the cage/transferring the hamster.

Now....here's the start of the "incident."
During the holiday break between Christmas and New Year's, we like to do more of what we'd already been doing the preceding five weeks -- EAT good food. Because if we were able to get our stomachs to hang over the tops of our pants by two inches, could we go for three?!?

So, the family got in the mini van and we headed to Salt Lake City in the bitter cold to eat out at Buca di Beppo - just so we could laugh at the kids trying to pronounce it all evening.

We piled out of the minivan and walked a short distance through snow covered parking strip and sidewalks and arrived at the restaurant.

We were called to be seated after 15 or so (not bad) minutes. They took us the "long way" to our table upstairs. The "long way" included a "back stage"/kitchen tour.

So, then we spent many minutes perusing the menu and coming to a consensus on what to order.

We ordered.

We waited for our food.

Our waiter apologized.

We waited for our food.

Our waiter brought us some "complimentary" bread due to the wait.

We waited for our food.

Our waiter filled our water glasses for the third or fourth time.

Then our food came.

We devoured dined on Garlic bread, Cheese Manicotti, Chicken Cannelloni, Baked Ravioli, Stuffed Shells, Chicken Carbonara, and Chicken Marsala.

We couldn't eat it all.

The waiter went to box it up for us.

Our waiter forgot that we were waiting for him to come back with our food boxes.

It was OK - we weren't in any condition to just go RUNNING out of there or anything! ;)

We walked back to the car.

When we got back to the car, we made everyone kick/scrape all the snow off their shoes, since the snow banks were just screaming, "Come walk through me!" on our way back, and our kids had listened.

ANYWAY....the point is - this was about a 2 1/2 hr. outing.

We had actually met Matt after work and picked him up at a McDonald's parking lot to go out to the restaurant together, so on the way back, we stopped there to let him off to drive his car home. Then shortly after that, I hear Katelyn ask her sister, Haylee, "Why are you crying?" Her brothers piped up with an explanation, "She's crying because she didn't get to ride home in Dad's car!"
Which is pretty normal behavior for Haylee, so I didn't think much of it. (Except that I think it's ridiculous!)

Then her crying got worse and started to bother the other occupants of the car. Which led to them pointing out the uselessness of crying since we'd be home in less than 5 minutes...and then it led to teasing...and then it led to questions about WHY IN THE HECK WAS SHE CRYING. Of course, she didn't want to bare her soul to her "sensitive" brothers, so I asked if she wanted to talk to me in private - which she did. When we got home, we went into my bedroom, and Haylee just blubbers her way through an "admission."

"I just couldn't help it, so I got Lily out of her cage and brought her in the car with us to the restaurant!" I had her in her box and when we came back from the restaurant -- SHE WAS GONE!!!"

"What?!!!?"
My mind went back to how long we had had the doors open getting in and out of the car. (SIX TIMES in total) And how many feet were climbing in & out of the car (and stomping around.) And how easy a open car door is to escape out of. And how a hamster would NEVER survive outside in that snow around the parking strip. Etc., etc., etc.

Just then, my sobbing daughter VOICED my very thoughts, "Lily's LOST! I'll never find her! She's gone FOREVER! She's probably DEAD!"


So, this is what happened: She had urged the hamster out of it's tubes,



and took Lily into this little box section of it's cage WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE,

and just put this little cap on the hole.


The cap doesn't even lock into place, it just sits there! (Doh!)

She got into the car before the rest of us, so we didn't know she was hiding the box with Lily in it. So, no one could even advise her on the wisdom (or lack of it) on her decision to disregard all rules about the hamster and in bringing it. So, with NO ONE AWARE, she left the hamster in the car, with a loose cap on the box for over two hours while we were in the restaurant. Of course, the hamster burrowed it's body against the cap and pushed it out of the way and escaped. I then found out that Katelyn SAW her do this, but she DIDN'T TELL ANYONE either. (Katelyn said she didn't want to get Haylee mad at her.) I just couldn't believe they waited so long to tell anybody - she had discovered the missing hamster when we were still in Salt Lake City - we could've helped. We had a big talk about obeying rules AND if you see someone else doing something so reckless, to tell your parent!!!!

So, back at home, we got our flashlights out, closed all the doors and looked under every seat, in every compartment, in every pocket. We emptied out every shopping bag, unfolded all blankets, went through every nook and cranny, and cleaned out all the garbage in the meantime -- all along half-expecting to see a flattened, stepped-on, dead Lily.

No Lily.

Haylee really felt bad!

I really couldn't believe she'd done something so stupid!!

I was really mad at Santa for bringing her a pet when she isn't mature/educated enough to take care of it.

Haylee prayed and PLEADED for help from Heavenly Father.

It was kind of hard to be angry after that.

While we were out in the car looking, she asked me, "Mom? What do you REALLY think happened? Is there a chance she's still alive? Is it any use even looking?"

HONESTLY? I thought the hamster escaped out of the box while we were in the restaurant and then had a "hey day" running around our van and then jumped to her demise, unnoticed by us, one of the times we opened the doors.

But, this is where parenting is a little bit fuzzy for me. Do I be totally honest with her? (Even though it's harsh.) or Do I try to be "optimistic" to protect her? (Even though it's not realistic, and then sets her up for disappointment in the long run.)

Before the "incident," our plan was to come home after dinner and watch the "Ramona and Beezus" movie on my big bed together. The other kids were getting impatient inside waiting for me while I was with Haylee out in the car. Finally, I told her I was going in to watch the movie with everyone else and she could continue to search for Lily on her own.

So I did.

But, Haylee quit looking and she came into my bedroom thinking she was going to watch the movie, too.

I sent her back out. With much protest & screaming from Haylee.

She came back in. She tried to say that she didn't need to look anymore since the Hamster was gone. [READ: she just wanted to watch a movie.]

Long story short even longer, it became apparent that Haylee just wanted to apologize and "kiss up" and rationalize everything, because she cared MORE about a movie than she did about being responsible for her pet. So, I sent her to bed.

Later, Matt tried to go out looking for it. He tried all the same places we had.

And then he sat still in the car....very, very still...and waited...and listened...and thought...and concentrated. (Not a luxury I had - the crying noise drowned out all audio clues!)
And then...

He heard a little scratching sound.

And then another.

It was coming from INSIDE the dashboard of the van.

He listened some more.

Yep, it definitely sounded like a little critter scurrying around in there.

But, how to get her out?

Having the brilliant mind Matt does, he shined his flashlight into the heater vent until it forced Lily away from the direct light and back out the bottom of the dash to where the gas/brake pedals are located!

But, then that DARN hamster jumped out the car door and started running around the garage!

Matt ran around after her and caught up to her and again, did the "juggling act" with her, until he had to contain her by trapping the hamster in his jacket pocket.

LILY WAS FOUND!


I seriously couldn't believe it!

Then he went and woke Haylee up and showed her the contents of his pocket.



SHE WAS SO HAPPY!

A Child's Prayer was answered.

And then she came in my room and had the gall to ask if she could watch the movie with us now! The little stinker!

Incidentally, the hamster and cage is no longer in Haylee's bedroom. It is currently being cared for by others while she reads the 500 books I checked out from the library on the subject of hamsters. :)


THE END

A Mothering Success

From the time I had my first child, A BOY, I've always said,
"I'm going to change this world - ONE BOY AT A TIME!"

And I started with the toilet seat.


I was very vigilant from my boys' early age to teach them to put the toilet seat DOWN after using it. I did it myself and I constantly reminded them to do likewise. This, I'm sure, stemmed from my experience in working at a hospital where we once had an 18-month old patient who had "drowned" in the toilet in his own home. He must've reached in to "play" and, being top-heavy, got stuck with his head in the water, feet off the ground, and unable to get out. When he was found by his mother, he was successfully resuscitated, but his prognosis of recovery was grim. He was in what we called, a "vegetative state." It was so sad.

Anyway, between my goal to change the world and my paranoia of drowning, I am a stickler with the toilet seat thing. Every. Single. Time.

I'll never forget my first feeling of "victory" when my brother came to visit and he used our bathroom. Afterwards, 3 yr. old Ryan came rushing to find me, in distress, saying,
"Uncle Mikey was just in the bathroom and....THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG! Come quick!"

I envisioned a flood of some kind when I followed him up to the bathroom, but when I got there, what I saw was a toilet seat left UP!
We quickly corrected the situation and put the toilet seat DOWN. But, what a PROUD moment. My young boy KNEW that it was just WRONG to leave the toilet seat up!

Fast Forward 12 years...

The other day, this same Ryan, was telling me about an activity they had done in their Seminary (Bible Study) class. It was kind of a Getting-to-Know-You activity where the teacher pulled a question out a "hat" and read it to the class, and then, in turn, one by one, the students answered that question.

There were questions like:

"What is your biggest accomplishment

"What was your best day? And why?

"What makes you feel sad?"

He shared his answers with me, which was interesting, but the one that REALLY perked up my attention was when he said that one of the questions they were presented with was:
"What is your pet peeve?"

I asked him how he had answered, and he said,

"When people leave the toilet seat up."



And he was completely serious!

{Picture me: blowing on my fist, rubbing it on my shirt, head held high, smug look on my face, struttin' around.}

Oh Yeah!

Like I said, I'm changing this world...ONE BOY AT A TIME!

*******

Just don't ask me how many times we've had to replace toilet seats that have been slammed DOWN by boy #2. ;)


*******

When searching for images of toilets on the internet, THIS one came up. Just thought some of you might enjoy it! (You know who you are!) hee hee.

CONGRATULATIONS! You Just Made the Blog.

{I guess it takes donning lingerie over your clothes to receive this "honor!"}

Brookelle...

Even though I still call her "my baby," we have been taking some steps towards "Big Girl-dom." I recently bought her a package of panties and put them in her top dresser drawer - as an "enticement." We also threw away our crib, that's gone through all 5 babies - you can imagine how thrashed that one was - and put Miss B. into a Toddler bed. A consequence of this is that she gets out of her bed and sneaks around her room (Oh, so quietly) and "plays" instead of going to sleep. Ya know, she "plays" things like empty-all-the-books-out-of-the-bookcase-onto-the-floor. Or take-all-the-dirty-clothes-out-of-the-hamper-and-put-them-in-the-toy-bin...or vice versa. Or unrack-every-single-hanger-in-the-closet, etc., etc.

On a recent night, I went into her bedroom to give her the, "Get back in bed!" lecture, and I found her like this pictured above. And, even though her dad had already been into her room three times and was SICK OF HER ANTICS, I just started LAUGHING when I saw her, smiling sooo cute/mischievous just like in the photo. I couldn't stop LAUGHING, I was that amused! My husband had to come in from the other room to see just what was causing this lapse of proper parenting on my part....and the sight even caused him to smile just a little through his grumpiness with her! :) I tried to explain to him that the reason I thought it was so dang funny is because I had never seen it before - and frankly, I thought she was mighty clever. None of my babies/toddlers had ever done that before!

And then I considered that statement further.....
I guess, more accurately, I should say that none of my kids have ever dressed themselves in underwear over their clothes INTENTIONALLY. On their OWN FREE WILL & CHOICE. By their OWN Fashion Creation. As part of their "Playtime."

{Enter Exhibit #1}

Kyle...

{circa 2002}

A homemade Superman Halloween costume with the use of padded training underwear. Poor Kid. WHO is his mother?!!?

I'm Not a [Wo]Man of my Word

There were THREE things that showed up at our home on Christmas that I said I'd never get.

THREE!

Not just ONE.

Three.

As in 1-2-3.

Oh, man....This is REALLY going to hurt my reputation!

But, I guess, technically, I didn't get them. Santa did.
So, I'm still OK, aren't I?

Not guilty.
And, furthermore, if we want to be completely technical about the whole thing, I don't think I actually ever said, "I WILL NEVER GET A _________!"
I've just been known to say I didn't NEED it.

And I've even said I don't even WANT it.

Quite honestly, I just have never CARED about it - at all.

And I've definitely told my kids to Just fuhggit about it when they've begged/complained/wished for it.

Thus, the impression that I said I would never get it may (or may not?) have come across to others. But impressions are often incorrect and misleading.

So, I'm in the clear, right?!?

{But, I still can't believe I got them!}
I'm blaming it on the whole we're-selling-our-home-and-we-don't-need-a-bunch-of-crap-messing-the-place-up situation.

When I was thinking of gifts, I was not only thinking of things without a bunch of small parts (that are only good to pierce the foot of an unsuspecting someone when walking down the hall), but also things that could be shared.

"Group gifts" = fewer gifts. Fewer gifts = less crap. Simple Mathematics.


Culprit #1
Portable DVD players/dual screens for the car.

Which, apparently, unbeknownst to me, can be used in the Family Room, as well.

The gift tag had Katelyn & Brookelle's name on it, but we all know, EVERYONE is going to use it!

The reason I didn't want it?: I've always been an advocate for traveling in the car the good 'ol fashioned way. Ya know, like tormenting each other by scratching your sister's eyes out and wrestling your brother up and over all the seats, and ultimately driving your Mom to drink, pleasantly conversing with one another OR actually looking out the window at the....COWS and the SAGEBRUSH!

Culprit #2

{Brace yourselves}

A pet.

More specifically, a hamster.

Meet "Lily."

{I really have NO IDEA where it is inside that cage - it blends in with it's bedding too much.}

The gift tag had Haylee's name on it, but EVERYONE is ecstatic.

Remember this photo? This is a testimony of how much they thought we would never have one. I had cropped this photo down in my previous post, but the true story behind this photo is Katelyn, upon seeing Haylee uncover the hamster cage, went N-U-T-S! Katelyn is literally screaming, while running across the room, "OH MY GOSH! HAYLEE GOT A HAMSTER!" at the very moment this photo was taken. I was actually trying to get a photo of Haylee with her gift, but whatever - it didn't happen. That's how awesome of a photographer I am. ;)

The reason I didn't want it?: I don't need one more thing to take care of. And I'm not sure a pet helps with the goal of not messing up our home and the crap part - since it sure doesn't have any problems in the crapping department - it's been non-stop since we got it. (Do you notice that I refer to the hamster as an, "it"? That's how much I don't care about pets. Don't send me your hate mail, now, you pet lovers out there!) When the kids tried to convince me that THEY would be the caretakers, I had a hard time believing just how they could do that if they can't even manage to keep their pairs of socks together or the lids on their markers or, heaven forbid, their bedrooms tidy. In the end, Matt...errr...uhhh...I mean, Santa got his way. AND we've already had an "incident" where my doubts about letting the kids have a pet were confirmed. It's an "incident" that I've been told not to talk about.

After the "incident" happened, the first thing Haylee said to me was, "Don't tell Jill about this!" (my exercise partner - although we've kind of forgotten about the whole exercise thing lately!) :( Haylee further instructed me,

"And don't say anything to your Primary People."

"Or your sisters."

"Or your Real Estate Agent."

"Or our friends when they come over on Friday night."

(She knows I like to talk to everyone and she wants to cover all her bases)

But there's one base she didn't cover...........

My BLOG. [insert evil laugh ~ hee haaa haaa aaaaah]

But, the "incident" is worthy of it's own post, so I will have to disappoint spare you for now.


Culprit #3

A Wii

[shaking my head] I can't believe it!

Warning: Video done by a teenaged boy

The gift tag had Ryan & Kyle's name on it, but EVERYONE (except me so far) has been playing it.

The reason I didn't want it?: I pride myself in being The Meanest Mom. (And if there's "no time" for socks, markers, and bedrooms, WHERE IN THE WORLD are they going to find time to play the Wii???)

**I admit there was an ulterior motive involved in this one. There's a Netflix program where we can watch our movies through the Wii instead of waiting for them in the mail.** ;)

There you have it. I let THREE whoppers in all at once. Have I successfully lowered your opinion of me?
So, THIS is what "CROW" tastes like. It's pretty bad! :)