The First of Many More to Come and Thoughts on D-Land

I've been looking forward to and making plans for various Mother/Daughter outings that I will do with my girls [when they are old enough] for years.   Well, I think we officially started this past week.  We went on our FIRST "Girls Trip."

Matt actually had a work conference at the Grand Californian Disney Hotel - and we tagged along.  

Why not?  Hotel room paid for?  Check.  Per Diem money provided for Matt & I by his company?  Check.  Discount Disneyland tickets offered by the conference?  Check.  Private Dinner Party/Evening of Entertainment/Priority viewing of World of Color included for the entire family?  Check.  

Fly for FREE on jetBlue?  Check.

 Matt spent all day in classes - poor guy!  :)

This MAY have been a mistake to start out so BIG.  Will the girls be satisfied with "Chick Flick" night out at the movies in the future now?  ;)

Now, a list of my random thoughts:

1. If I were RICH, I would always opt to stay at a Disney property.  We were spoiled to be there by "riding on Matt's work conference coat tails."  Not only was it such a nice resort (inside & out) but it came with "privileges" like Early Entrance at 7:00 EVERY morning.  The best part, though, is that we literally walked out our hotel room door, turned two corners, and we were right IN Disney's California Adventure!  To get to Downtown Disney, we walked out the hotel the other way...with Disneyland just a bit further up the way.  SOOO convenient (but also expensive!)
2. I have to say that I have officially "graduated" from the Tea Cups ride.  No more.  I really can't handle it anymore - I lose my equilibrium.
3. I LOVE my Disney Dream Reward Dollars.  I have the Disney Visa and earned about $150 to use anywhere in the park - no need to worry about packing in food.  But, we DID use it ALL in 3 days!
4. August is NOT my favorite time to go to Disneyland.  I've been at several different times through the years, and August probably lands at the bottom of my list.  (The HEAT.  The lines.  The crowds.  Even the cast members are a bit less "on their [magical] game" having to deal with all of the above.)
5. I need to wear "hospital shoes" or some other kind of super-duper orthopedic-bionic shoes while there - my feet were KILLING ME!  Seriously, I COULD NOT WAIT to get off my feet at night.
6. Dole Whip and Frozen lemonades are like manna from heaven!  (See #3 & #4)
7. We Americans are INSANE!  The first day we were there, the line to see Elsa & Anna (from Frozen) was a three HOUR WAIT.  3 HOURS!  So, I told the girls we would come the next day for our Early Entrance.  We were lined up outside the entrance gate at 6:45 IN THE MORNING to go in - and we still weren't the first in line!  What is wrong with all of us?  Who does this?  Isn't this a vacation?  Once the gates were opened, we walked directly to the Elsa/Anna house.....and the line was already starting - we ended up waiting 1 hr. 40 min!
8. Times have CHANGED!  Now, every ride is posted with a sign stating that children under the age of 7 (Brookelle) must be accompanied with a person 14 or older (neither Haylee or Katelyn) or they couldn't ride.  And they enforced it - our girls were denied entrance once!  Which meant, if Miss B wanted to do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING, I was the ONE to go with her.  Now let's go back 34 years, when my dad took me (then age 10), my older sister (age 13) and my younger brother (age 4) to So. Cal with him once on a business trip and he just DROPPED US OFF at Disneyland for the whole day.  I'm not sure, but I think that would be grounds for getting Child Protective Services involved these days?!?  Just a hunch.  ;)  AND, on that trip, my older sister (the one in charge???) got separated from us (the 10 & 4 yr. old) for HOURS!  We spent all that time looking for her - we eventually found her later and learned that she had just kept on going on rides the whole time - after all, she didn't want to waste her day looking for us! 
9. My bum sure doesn't fit the same in some of those seats as it used to!  Dang it!
10. I think it's time Disneyland establishes a "modesty standard" of some kind.  There was WAY TOO MUCH boobage (a lot more than just cleavage), backs, bras & bum cheeks showing!  For that reason, I was glad my teenage boys were not with us to see that.  It was still a bad example for my girls, though.  If the guests don't have enough common sense to cover themselves adequately, they should be policed.  No, seriously, they could make rules.  When we were at Hershey Park last year, this "warning sign" was out in the parking lot:
    

The fact that they even have to put up a sign.....Really?!!?

Up All Night

Last night we watched a movie on Netflix called, "I Don't Know How She Does It."  

Almost right at the start of the movie, there was this one scene/quote in there that really caught my attention....because it was SO relateable.  It shows the main character (a mom) lying in bed at night, awake, just staring at the ceiling, while her husband is sound asleep next to her.  Her voice is simultaneously narrating the scene:

"A recent study showed that 64% of women with young children don't sleep through the night. 

Researchers were at a loss to explain WHY?

They could've asked me!

At night, I, like women all around the world, do THE LIST

• Emily's Birthday party theme:  Pirates or Pop Stars?
• Things to buy:  paper towels, toothpaste, pork chops, a birthday gift for Jedda's party....
• Find out if "Jedda" is a boy or a girl
• Call that guy
• Make a play date with the kid who doesn't bite
• Refill washer fluid in car  --  Wait a minute!  Shouldn't that be on Richard's (husband) list?  Who am I kidding?!?  Richard doesn't have a list!
• Wax something.....anything!
• Call Richard's mother and say, "Hi."
• OR just email, "Hi"
• Wash Ben's teddy bear
• Renew birth control pills
• Twinkies
• Ambien
• Finish year end fiscal summary........Oh no, START year end fiscal summary
• Hamster?
• Kegels?
• Bagels

...and on and on." 

Oh. My. Word!  I have been there!!!  This was the worst for me when my first (& only at the time) child was in his toddler years.  It was so maddening because he was finally sleeping through the night, but then, there I was lying awake, thinking about EVERYTHING!  Grrrr.

And then I discovered Melatonin. 

Now that I'm past the stage where any of my babies wake up in the middle of the night for nursings, I have been doing better about not waking in the middle of the night for THE LIST.  Now, instead, I make it through the night, only to wake up too early in the morning to THE LIST, while my husband is still sleeping in.  (And then he asks me why I didn't sleep in, when I had a chance to, on the weekend!??!)

So, THEN, last night....

I don't know if it had to do with the fact that:

I had just watched this movie 

OR

I had failed to take my Melatonin

OR

That I had slept in yesterday morning, after returning home late from an extended Spring Break family trip we took, then worked even later, so THE LIST had not been attended to at it's regular time.

But, I awoke at a little past 3:00 in the morning. 

And laid there.  And laid there.  

While Matt was snoozing away....

I tried to block out my own thoughts....

....because everything/one else in the house was QUIET - and I SHOULD be sleeping!

I was still awake when streams of light started to come in between the blind slats.

And I couldn't go back to sleep because the wheels were turning:

I finally started to write THE LIST down on a post-it notepad Kyle made me that I keep on my night stand.......and this was AFTER I'd already made a list while at dinner to get me back on track after being out of town for a week.....the middle of the night stuff was all new stuff!

I asked Matt this morning if he saw THE LIST I'd made during the night.....and he's like, "WHOA!  What the...?!?  Who does that?"

ME.

Welcome To the Club

Recently, this arrived in my mail...

Apparently the American Association of Retired Persons thinks I'm eligible! What the ???

AARP has always conjured THIS image up in my mind:

Is this ME?!!?

I KNEW *ah hum* 40 was "getting up there" - but....really?

What's even more confusing is that just a couple of months ago, some mail I received indicated that I was still in the baby-birthing age. (I don't think babies and AARP exactly go together!) But, just like that -- POOF! -- I'm in the Bingo-playing age??

NO! Surely, it was the wrong address! (even though it had MY name and address printed on the envelope.)

I'm definitely in denial.

Needless to say, I haven't "REPLIED" yet, and the 3/31 deadline in quickly approaching.

Now, excuse me while I go pluck the gray hairs out of my head!

Something to Aspire To

Friday my boys had their Spring Piano Recital.
It's always been held at the library, which our piano teacher schedules and reserves before lessons even start at Back to School time, so, at least 9 months in advance.
We arrive at the library on Friday, and a lot of our students & families are standing around out in the foyer, some are looking into the recital room.
I wondered why no one was going in.
I soon found out.
The library had double-booked their room.
Now, I don't know how or who decides which booking of the double-booking gets to stay, but it was not us!
The word out in the foyer was that we were going to move it to Mrs. Green's house, a lady who was there to attend our recital, and had volunteered. I didn't know her, I'd never met her before this day, but I will not soon forget her.
Now, to volunteer such a thing - that was oh, so generous. And helpful. And thoughtful. And very Save-the-Day-ish, but my first thought was,

Who can do that?

Who can have 50+ people just come to their house with absolutely NO notice and host a piano recital?
Is she always ready for that sort of thing at any given moment? Or did we just catch her at a good time? Really, who can do that?

NOT ME!

And it wasn't just her piano room that looked nice and prepared. Her front yard was FINE, that we all walked by. Her kitchen was clean and counters cleared that the much-anticipated (at least by my kids) Post-Recital refreshments, Dick's Bakery doughnuts, were set out on. And the "over-flow" Family Room was in order and able to house attendees. Not to mention, she produced much seating for everyone in a short period of time, just using her own resources. Sometimes, I might have ONE area in my home that is presentable, but all of it?
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
I was so impressed with her.
And at the same time I was in horror at any such occasions of me being forced to do the same thing. Not that I can think of a situation where I'd have to do that against my will, but if I did...OH, I shudder at the very thought!

But, ONE DAY (in another life) I would like to be able to be like HER!

And the fine examples don't stop with just Mrs. Green.
Take our dear piano teacher, Janene Mann, for another illustration. I have known her for the last 9 years we have lived in Farmington. I have looked up to her for various reasons over the years, but I don't think I will ever forget her on this piano recital day.
She walked around with the same bounce in her step as always.
The same smile on her face that is a part of her.
I heard no arguing between her and the "other double-bookee."
I did not see her at the circulation desk at the library chewing someone out.
She stood in front of our group at the new venue and welcomed us warmly just the same as she's done at all previous recitals we've experienced with her over the last 5 1/2 years.
She was very gracious to Mrs. Green.
I did not see her sitting in the corner with a scowl on her face, arms folded across her chest, grunting, with smoke coming out of her ears.
She thought of ME and MY FAMILY as she invited us to "make sure and get some doughnuts before you leave" even though we had to go early.
She sent us (& all her students' family) an email the next day thanking us for being flexible, calling it "an adventure" and pouring out words of compliments about the performances and the recital. All positive messages.
And again my thought was,

Who can do that?

Who can stay calm, cool, and collected when a HUGE thing goes awry? And especially when you've been WRONGED? Who can NOT worry about, "Where's the justice?" No anger? No frustration? No resentment? No bad-mouthing? Not provoked? No letting-it-ruin-your-whole-day-ness? Only Charity. Really, Who can do that?

NOT ME!

I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E.

It touched me strongly.

And at the same time, I am frightened to think how I would act in the same situation. Not that I am ever planning on becoming a piano teacher, but if I did....Oh, just get out of the way - it would not be pretty! (much to my mortification)

ONE DAY (hopefully in this life) I would like to be able to be like HER!

To My Neighbors, Laura and Heidi

Hello, my name is Suzanne, and I am a yeller.

(Is that even a real word?)

There. I said it.

It's out in the open now.

I know you've heard me.

And I am sorry.

My husband asks if this doesn't embarrass me (as if that will motivate me to stop.)

Yes, it does.

You no longer have to pretend like you don't know.

Or walk by sheepishly when you've "caught" me.

Or skittishly dance around the subject when you're talking to me.

We're getting rid of the "elephant in the room" right this moment!

I know I have a yelling problem.

My husband and kids have repeatedly told me as much.

But, I already knew even without their "observations."

Do you know how many times I have read Proverbs 15:1? "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." (a ton)

I've marked that scripture, and re-marked that scripture, and re-marked it again and again. I've done it with every color of scripture highlighter pencils I own.

My kids have asked me why I always yell.

The truth is, I don't always yell. (shocker for you?)

The first THREE (or 10) TIMES I said it to them, I was speaking in a normal voice. (which my husband thinks is still louder than "normal.")

But, with NO response. NONE. NADA. Nothing happens.

And, then I fall back into my ol' standby method -- I yell. (cringe)

And, boy, do they hear me then! They [finally] kick it into action...and then ask my why I always yell.

I'm just like the dogs in Pavlov's law - but I am a dog, as far as the Chinese new year goes - or maybe it's the rat I am - or some other equally undesirable animal.
Back to Pavlov's: I've learned, talking = no response, yelling = response.

At times, I have consciously made the choice to SAY NOTHING.
And I don't.
And I watch my family NOT doing what they should be doing. (This irritates me so much.)
I refrain from saying anything. I hold back. I remain silent.
Family still not doing what I expect.
I bite my tongue. I fight the "yelling monster" that wants so desperately to come out.
Still not getting the results from them.
I stew, and I stew, and I stew....but what happens to the pot of chili (blah!) when it stews for so long, with the heat getting increasingly higher?...It boils over!!
As is the same with me...I Yell - even though I wasn't going to. I'd chosen NOT to.
And the family's like, "WHOA! Where'd that come from? What's gotten into her? What's her problem?" (I'm telling you my problem right now!)
I resort back to my weakness. Just like the dog to his vomit.

I want to stop. I need to stop.
Saying, "Please forgive me" doesn't seem sincere or believable enough, since part of repentance means I will never do it again. And, so far, I keep doing it.
I have listened to our Church Leaders speak about this and have studied their General Conference talks. I have prayed about this. I have fasted about this. I have continually beat myself up about this.
Why can't I change into a "Non-yeller?" (Is that even a real word, also?)
Is this just a part of me? Is this who I am, unable to be altered? The ol' "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" case in point?

Here's the root of the problem:
There's a very short supply of patience in my entire being.
There are some things that I have little or NO tolerance for.
Things like:

disobedience
not listening
disrespect
irresponsibility
laziness
undependability
dishonesty
unwillingness to serve/help
"free-loaders"
thoughtlessness
being oblivious to the needs of others

And that's my problem I have to work out.

So, I say to my neighbors, I apologize to you for ever having to hear me yell. I don't want to run you out of town. But, is it any coincidence that in the 8 years, 10 months that we have lived in our current home, we have had SIX different next door neighbors? Yes, it's true - THREE different families have lived in each of the houses both on the left & on the right side of me.

And to my family...well, I've got ongoing repenting to do with you, in private.

I didn't realize it before, but it turns out, with all these references, I really am a dog!!
(Although, "bear" is the word my husband used.) :)

If I Wasn't a Blogger, What Would I Do?

A few weeks ago, around the dinner table, we were having a discussion of some sort. The exact details of the entire conversation are kind of fuzzy, but there's one part that I haven't been able to forget. Which is really quite amazing since I'm really having a "forgetting" problem as of late. Maybe that is a testament to how impressionable it was on me!

So, we're talking about something (here's the fuzzy part).....but it had to do with doing something...like rebuilding a car engine
or reading the complete Twilight series
or getting a Master's Degree
or raising your own pigs
or watching all the Reality T.V. shows
or becoming an astronaut
or being the President
...or something equally as difficult, time-consuming, and unreasonable at this "season" in my life.

OK, so on to the non-fuzzy part.
So, right after we were talking about whatever [it may or may not have been one of the above listed items],
my oldest son, Ryan, who-in-my-opinion-should-know-better-than-to say-this, said, "Mom, you should do that!"
That sort of comment always takes me a little aback, because, are they saying it because they think I'm not valuable enough the way I am, with what I am already doing? Or do they think I do nothing, and they're trying to find me a "hobby?"
Whatever...
I retorted, "Yeah, right, with what time?"
in a tone of voice that was suppose to give off the message of, "You are talking complete nonsense, get a grip on reality, Buddy!" and it would force him to comprehend the error of his comment.
Nope. Apparently, the "tone" failed.
Because he came back (rather quickly, I must add) with, "With all your blogging time!"

And THEN, and then, Matt, after thinking silently for a minute, said, "Yeah."

What? My own husband?

To which I lamely replied, "Blogging replaced my scrapbooking time."

At that point, the conversation was over, but not the thoughts - at least for me!

And what do you do when you can't quit thinking about something? You blog about it, of course.

The reason I know they didn't give it another thought is, because, in order to assist with the details of this post, I asked those male members of my family, the same ones who were involved in this very conversation and offering me alternative life solutions, just what it was we were talking about in the beginning....and they both could only vaguely remember us having any such conversation, let alone the details of what big, fabulous thing I should be doing with my life [in place of my blogging time.]

Why can't boys ever remember what you talk about? I do not get this. Never will! But, that's another post....

I need to say that the comment back at the dinner table rather confused me, because those two guys, especially, really like my our blog. And they really like our family scrapbooks, too. Basically, they've always thought it was cool that I did these things.

Anyway - here's what I've been thinking about, very simply:

Does blogging take too much time?

Not necessarily me making posts, but me reading all your wonderful posts. Just make them a little more uninteresting & despicable and I wouldn't have a hard time giving them up! ;)

But, I like it so much! And that is my reading, I don't read other books & magazines.

I don't think I could give it up for Lent, that's for sure - at least I wouldn't want to! (If I was even Catholic in the first place, which I'm not.)

But, my family's comments linger in my brain.

So, the first thing I decided to do was "clean house." I had a ton of [approx. 20] blogs on my blogroll that I "stalked." I didn't even know these people at all. I'd never met them. They didn't know me. I didn't comment on their blogs. I just made the decision to delete them. That just cut out some "blogging time." - check.

And secondly, lately, in conjunction with a new system cutover at work, I've found myself working A LOT more hours that I'm not used to. And the majority of those hours are in the wee hours of the morning, when not too many customers are dialing up causing our phones to ring off the hook. So, a new idea began to form....What if I decided to NOT read blogs during the day anymore, but what if I could wait to read them during this time, at insane hours, when I'm awake (barely), sitting in front of a computer and not really doing much? It would mean I might be reading things a couple of days late and not be "in the know" all the time, but oh well....

You may have noticed my comments on your blogs lately have some really odd time stamps on them, like between the hours of 1:00 to 4:00 in the morning. NO, that's not a typo, it's when I'm reading them....
...and as a result, using my old "blogging time" to do other things - but, NOT to become an astronaut - yet! :)

A Couple of Things still Left Hangin' around Haunting me after the Trip....

Do you ever have a hard time deciding what to do about something.....
So, as a result, you do NOTHING?
For a long time.
Just leave it alone.
Just don't do anything about what you should be doing something about?

OK - so maybe it's just ME with problems?
But, that's been ME the last 10 days since I got home from vacation.
Here's the FIRST THING:

I made an order with one of my favorite places to shop Clearance online, Lands' End, for stuff to go on our cruise. It was great because their summer clothing and swim suits that are technically "off-season" were on clearance and was just perfect for what I could take to Mexico with me! Well, according to their shipping schedule, my package should've been delivered either the Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday before I departed for my cruise on Saturday.

Well......You guessed it! Me and Murphy. It didn't make it! I even saw the UPS guy driving around my neighborhood on that Friday morning and I pleaded out loud, to no one in particular, to let him come to my home! No such luck!

Instead, I packed my plain, old stuff to take and I came home to this package sitting on my rocking chair in my bedroom. And that's where it's remained ever since.

As in remained. Untouched. Unopened. It's contents un-looked at, un-tried on, completely ignored!

Who doesn't open a package when it's delivered? ME!

What was I suppose to do with it now?

I mean, a lot of good it does me now!

Should I just write, "Return to Sender" on the package without ever opening it? Can I even do that?

Should I keep it all anyway for my next cruise in 2 1/2 years? It won't be very neat, then.

Should I just use it this summer! Maybe it won't even fit me this summer.

Why couldn't didn't I even open it?

What does this mean?

1) That I'm in the "denial" stage of the grieving process at the loss of a cute, new wardrobe for my cruise?

2) That I'm thinking it will just mysteriously take care of itself - maybe self-destruct, and it'll be like this never happened? Although, I have some children who could help with the destruct part if I don't move it out a reach, SOON!

3) Am I afraid that maybe the items won't fit me - and that would be depressing!

4) I'm just too tired to take care of it this week?

5) Do I believe that my lack of sleep since returning home will seriously impair my ability to make a wise decision on the matter?

6) Am I trying to figure out if I can use the "return reason" of "Didn't arrive in time" and get all my money back, including shipping. (Always thinking about saving money!)

Well, whatever it was....TODAY, 10 days later, I finally decided to open it!

And I think it swayed my decision to keep most of it....so much for saving money!!

But I'm not sure about the shoes...What d'ya think? It seems like I could only wear them with pants that are a lighter color than them -- or else they will really stand out all dorky-like? And right now, I'm wearing dark pants...

Here's the OTHER THING:

It's my favorite buy from Mexico. I found many stores with all kinds of fun dishes - and for some reason, I'm attracted to dishes. I played the bartering game from shop to shop and got this $25 bowl for $10!

It was wrapped in newspaper, taped, and put in a bag. I packed it in the middle of my suitcase, surrounded by all my [plain, old] clothes, thinking that would offer sufficient "padding." How wrong I was! I mean, come on, I work for an airline! I should KNOW that fragile things should be carried on! (But, I checked all my bags, because I CAN, for free - only carried on my purse.)

So, my broken bowl sits on my kitchen counter. Super glue doesn't work, I already tried it.

I really just ought to throw it away. What good is it now?

But the spoiled-child voice in me is screaming out, "BUT, I WAAANT IT!"

Do I think it's gonna just magically come all back together again one night? After a visit from some elves? Am I deranged enough to think I could "turn back time" (like Cher) and make these two things not happen the way they did?!

No, I don't really think that - I just wish....Which is kind of STUPID since:

a) NOT having my new "cruise clothes" DID NOT end up ruining my cruise - I still had a wonderful time!

b) AND, I'm sure all my blogging buddies out there could probably recommend some place locally that I could buy another great bowl. In the meantime, Matt put it on top of our cupboards as "decoration" so we can retain the "sentimental value" of it.

But, I have a request: if any of you go to Mexico, yourselves, could you bring me one back?! Pretty please?! In your carry-on luggage, of course! :)

Climbing Back On the Wagon

I went on an 11 day "Leave of Absence."

Of paying any kind of attention to what I was eating.

Or how much I was eating.

Or what time I was eating it.

Just completely abandoned my "Eat Less, Move More" mantra -- and instead adopted the exact opposite (Eat More, Move Less).

The Damage?

4.8 pounds!

Incidentally, that's the exact number I lost that one time when I wrote down everything I ate...it's a wash, I guess!

Is that possible? Come on! That hardly seems fair, at all. It was only Dec. 24th thru Jan. 3rd.

But, IT IS WHAT IT IS. (boo, hoo!)

And that's all about to CHANGE!

Because I've got myself into another New Year's Challenge.

This year...different people, different focus, different twist, different time frame....

BUT, one thing stays the same.

I still refuse to reveal my weight to my fellow competitors!

(No, my husband still doesn't know my weight -- they say, "What he doesn't know, can't hurt him!" right?!!)

Shhh!...Mama's Trying to Sleep

I've got three days down, seven more to go of my "JetBlue School."

+

We're switching over to a new & improved system at JetBlue and every crew member has to go through a 60 hour, on-site training course on it - and I'm attending my session right now.

My class is from 8:00PM - 2:00AM every night/morning.

Now, before you wonder about the inhumane work environment my employer is subjecting me to - there were many class options to choose from with various times/days of the week offered. And I chose this one. Simply because: a) I need to be home with my little ones during the day. b) I want to be able to have dinner together as a family each evening.

I thought that way would be the most normal for everyone else in my family. But, it's not exactly the easiest thing on ME! My body just doesn't appreciate only 3-4 hrs. of sleep/night for some reason! ;)

I have to drive out to the call center which is FAR away (in my mind, at least, especially since walking downstairs to my home office to work has been the extent of my commute for the past 2+ years!) by the Ski Areas turn off near Cottonwood Canyons. So I leave my home a little after 7PM and return a little before 3AM.

It's a little unsettling when I arrive home after driving the 30 or so miles and I don't really remember it all! I DO frequently envision, what it'll be like to slip into my bed, along the drive home.

And then I try to go to bed...

As visions of confirmation numbers dance in my head.

And navigation keys.

And sub-navigation keys.








And "hot keys."

And Price quotes.

And Trip Summaries....

And...And...And....

(That makes me so mad when I dream about what I already lived through and don't want to think about anymore!)

And then Ryan starts practicing the piano at 6:30AM.

And Matt's alarm goes off shortly after in my bedroom.

And then there's Katelyn running down the [hardwood floor] hall (clomp, clomp, clomp), screaming.

So, I get up and emerge from my bedroom. And my family all says to me, "What are you doing up? You're suppose to be sleeping in!" Yeah, right!

I tell myself I'll sleep during the baby's morning nap (I try and I set my alarm so I can pick Katelyn up from Preschool, but I'm paranoid of being a "no-show" parent, so I keep tossing & looking at the clock during my entire "nap!")

I promise myself I'll sleep during the girls' afternoon nap, but when I lay down...I'm such a freak, that my mind just starts thinking about everything I have to do.

Book a hotel.
Use those tomatoes before they go bad & make salsa.
Go through my baby clothes to give to my [nearly delivering] neighbor.
Clean up.
Halloween decorations.
Shower.
Doctor appts.
Laundry.
Unpack from UEA weekend trip.
Paper work.
Post on my blog about why I may "fall off the blogging world bandwagon" for a while. So, don't be alarmed when I don't read & comment on your blogs (and thus, not know anything that's going on "out there") for a while or post much here.

BECAUSE, I'm always thinking about when I can sleep more...kind of reminds me of when I have a newborn. Fantasizing about sleep. Trying to squeeze it in here & there. Craving sleep. It trumps my need for food...

{Baby Brookelle & me, Summer 2008}

But, the new system will be great for JB...I'll just keep telling myself that until my training is all done! (Which won't end at my "graduation" in two weeks. I'll continue to take e-learnings 2 hrs./week until the beginning of the new year when it all rolls out. I better have it down & learned by then!)

My Love-Hate Relationship with Summer Vacation

Now that Summer Vacation is about two-thirds over,

I'm torn between thinking it's going too fast

AND willing it to go faster!!

Allow me to explain this complicated relationship

I have with Summer Vacation...

LOVE:

I can go out on errands w/out the kids. (Thanks to our "built-in babysitter")

HATE:

I GO out w/out the kids = more $$$ spent.

LOVE:

No "Morning Madness" - don't have to get the kids ready for school.

HATE:

The "All-Day Madness" because the kids are not in school.

LOVE:

No strict bedtime = fewer bedtime struggles?

HATE:

Kids think they have NO BEDTIME

LOVE:

The weather warms up - wearing flip flops every day, running through the sprinklers, air conditioned home.

HATE:
The weather becomes scorching - dry, cracked feet/heels, sprinkler repair is a "time hog" for Matt, $100-$200/mo. power bill.

LOVE:

Lack of schedules.

HATE:

Nobody thinks they have to do anything.

LOVE:

Kids are home.

(at least, in theory, that should be a "love.")

HATE:

The house is a MESS, arguments pop up too often, constant interruptions, broken things, the baby gets awakened.

LOVE:

No school homework.

HATE:

Any kind of learning is met with resistance -after all, they're on a "vacation" from school, they tell me.

LOVE:

More Family Time?

HATE:

Really, it's just more Mom-and-kids-time = Absolutely NO "Me" time.

But, Happy last 1/3 of Summer Vacation to you!! :)

(to those who LOVE everything about it!)

I've Lost my Mind -- Have you Found It?

Hi, My name is Suzanne, and I've got a problem.

A problem that I thought wasn't suppose to happen for at least a few more DECADES down the road!

I'm serious.

And the fact that I have always strived to be [and I believe have been able to do a pretty good job of being] a "with it," dependable, reliable, "good on her word" type of gal, this REALLY, REALLY causes inner turmoil and aggravation for me!

I AM FORGETTING EVERYTHING! (or, at least, TOO MANY things!)

It's anything from:

• forgetting to tell people stuff - EVEN WHEN I had made a "note-to-self" PRIOR to seeing them that I needed to talk to them about a certain thing.


• leaving laundry in the washer, in a wet wad overnight - ppheeeeew! (which results in having to run the load through again! Aauugh!) Or just simply, starting a load, leaving the laundry room for... I can't remember why, and never finishing it until I happen upon the scene HOURS later.


• forgetting to take my camera very important places - like tea parties, Up close & personal w/ monkies experiences, water fountain playtime, meeting up w/ a friend from 20+ years ago, etc. etc.


• forgetting to eat - until my stomach starts screaming and I look at the clock and realize, "Oh, it's 3:00pm, No wonder!"


• confusing red traffic lights for a stop sign...STOP, wait 1-2-3, GO...horns blaring, brakes screeching, tires skidding, hand gestures flying [at me].


• seeing the soccer registration sign posted around town for weeks, making another "note-to-self" to register my daughter when I get home, and then, you guessed it, not remembering again until the next time I'm driving around town and see the sign...repeat, repeat, repeat...until the deadline comes & goes.


• having a conversation on SATURDAY NIGHT about the fact that the next day was Fast Sunday. And then by the next morning, without a thought, I get a drink and partake of something out of the fridge. (this one I attribute, in part, to being "out of the habit" since it's been 2 years [pre-nursing & pre-pregnancy time period] since I last fasted.)


• forgetting to take any meat out of the freezer for dinner - and then at 5:30pm, everything is rock hard.


• scheduling a trip the last week of August - failing to remember that there's this thing called SCHOOL that will have already started by that time.


• when in the shower, I began with conditioner. So, when I realized the mistake, I followed with the shampoo, so the whole treatment went Conditioner-Shampoo-Conditioner. WHICH I might add, DID have a better effect on my hair than the "normal" Shampoo-Conditioner routine.
• going to bed with my Lily Padz on.


• This one's rather embarrassing, but Kyle had stayed down at his cousin's for several days and we were to meet up again at a family Baptism and he would return home with me then. I understood this when we made the trade-off earlier in the week, I even thought about it that morning before leaving to the Baptism, BUT, at the moment I walked into the Chapel, I had forgotten. So, when Kyle walks up to me (and gives me a big, long hug in our reunion), my first reaction was surprise - surprised to see him there! Who can't remember something like that? People with short term memory loss, I tell ya!

Then there's a few that make me just SO MAD AT MYSELF...

I was driving to my sister's in Orem for her son's baby blessing (so there's a time restraint here), but instead, I drove right on passed and ended up in Provo. I exited in Provo, got back on the freeway and headed back north, only to take the wrong Orem exit, as well. Drove around for a bit, wasn't getting in the right place, had to call my sister - which is the last thing a new mother needs while they're frantically trying to get their baby ready for his big day at church - so, in addition, to my idiotic driving/navigation skills, I was beating myself up for inconveniencing my sister with my call for help!

I had to work at 8:00 one day and I knew that (at least, at one time). I went out for a bike ride at 7:00. I biked for a while with my friend, but then she had to return home for something - this should've been a "trigger" to me, to get me thinking, "Is there anything I need to get home for?" Nope. Instead, I decided I should try to ride the whole distance (18K) of the bike part for my upcoming Triathlon after she went home. So, I did. And I arrived home at 8:20 and Matt asks me, "Don't you have to work anymore?" CRAP! I totally forgot. I have now been placed on "Initial Progressive Guidance." How can I be so dumb?

And finally, for that same Baptism I mentioned earlier, my sister had asked me to make a specific Crab Pasta salad that the Baptism boy special requested for the lunch to follow. I shopped for the ingredients two days before, I made the salad the day before and put it in the fridge to "chill" and allow for flavor enhancement, and then the DAY OF, I made it all the way to the Point of the Mountain before I realized I HAD NOT BROUGHT THE SALAD with me! "You've GOT to be kidding!" I screamed at myself as I drove the car. What in the world is going on with me? It was too late to turn around & get it and still make the Baptism, so I went ahead empty handed. They were counting on that salad. Now what was I going to do with all that salad? Anyone like crab pasta salad? Call me. SO, SO, SO MAD at myself!!! (But, maybe this distraction attributes to my forgetting I was going to see Kyle at the church!)

Like I said before, I am NOT like this -- at least, I didn't used to be! And it's freakin' me out!

Bring on the Sudoku! (I've heard it has Alzheimer's reversal effects)

Bring on the Ginko Biloba!

Or, maybe I should just get more sleep!

Any other suggestions....or explanations?!?

The Moment of Truth

I got a letter in the mail.

It's from the Driver License Division.

Uh Oh...

It's a "Courtesy Driver License Renewal notice."

Apparently, I have reached the MAXIMUM number of years allowed to renew my D. L. by mail.

Oh, no.

THIS YEAR I am required to appear IN PERSON at a D. L. examining office.

And, at minimum, I will have to blah, blah, blah and complete a new application AND have my photo taken (I just skimmed over some things since these are the two that have sent me into a panic!!!)

OH CRAP!


You see, I have managed to avoid this for quite some time. In fact, I have a Driver License that probably looks like no one else's from my state. I just don't have the "OLD" one, I have the "OLD, OLD" design of license...yes - they have changed the look of our State's license TWICE since I've gotten one. And I don't like the new look. PLUS, I have enjoyed living with all the "false" info & photo that is on my current D. L. When I renewed last time, I was seriously 8 months pregnant with Kyle and when I asked, they told me I should not put my current weight on the application (since it was "temporary" - HA! So much they knew.) They told me to write down my "pre-pregnancy" weight or just to leave it the same as my previous license. So, I took their suggestion, of course! I have been driving around with a license that has my weight from when I was 24 yrs. old on it - for the last 15 years!! And, amazingly, considering my great-with-child state I was in, the photo may have been my best D. L. photo of the three that I've ever had - way better than I could produce now, that's for sure!

Now, can you understand WHY I am not embracing this opportunity?!?

I've been trying to formulate a plan in my mind....Is it possible to get back down to my 24-yr. old weight in the next 8 weeks, so I can keep the same number? How about I just don't weigh myself between now & then so I can honestly say, "I don't know my weight." And then on that day that I appear IN PERSON, I'll just "guess" - and by default, I would most likely "guess" the weight that I've gotten used to seeing on my D. L. during the last 15 years. Can I just enter my "happy weight?" Or would that make me unidentifiable? I could just "meet in the middle" (of actual & "happy weight") with my number. Or go more towards the low-middle. Or low-low-middle. Or would 20-30 lbs. under my actual weight be more believable/acceptable? Maybe I'll just put the actual weight, I mean how many people really look at my license anyway? Only the cops, and TSA, and airport crewmembers, and grocery store clerks, and bank tellers, and people who find my lost wallet at the Ball Park, and MY KIDS who snoop around in my stuff...Okay, THEY could be the most damaging witnesses of all...it'd for sure come up in a future Home Teaching visit. Or in school. Or amongst their friends while engaging in a "one up" conversation - it'd give a whole new meaning to the classic My-Mom-is-bigger-than-yours banter! Can't have THAT! How many other people LIE about their weight on their license? Is leaving it blank an option? They don't have a scale there and force you to stand on it, do they? If not, I could literally write down ANY number I wanted, right? But, I'm such a "rule follower." Hmmm...

Well, whatever it is I do about the weight thing,

there's NOTHING I can do about the photo!

DOUBLE CRAP!!

Who are You? (Imagine the CSI theme song by The Who playing in the background)

stalk'er, noun

someone who follows, creeps up on, or sneaks about; usually with unlawful intentions [syn: prowler]

stalk, verb

1. To pursue by tracking stealthily.
2. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.
3. To go through (an area) in pursuit of prey or quarry.
synonyms: ambush, approach, chase, drive, haunt, hunt, pursue, shadow, striddle, tail, track, trail, walk up to


Out of curiosity, I put a counter on my blog last month. I noticed that it has now reached 1,000. Yet, I have not received 1,000 comments. So, who are these 1,000 people? Do I know you?

Should I be weirded out by this?

One of my associates who teaches courses on computer safety in the Elementary School answers this with a Resounding YES! She is STRONGLY recommending the "Private Blog" for me. But, truth be said - those BUG me...ya have to actually sign in - What a drag! (OK - How lazy am I?) Not to mention, ya can't ever tell when they've added something new! So, then you have to occasionally click on their link to check, and if there's NO update, I wasted a "click." And if there IS an update, I may be days late reading it & it's old news by then! - How lame is that! :)

So, the solution can be very simple...leave a comment :) and then I won't lose sleep about all those FREAKY stalker dudes! (Just like I said when I started blogging.)

Miss B is now 10 1/2 months old. Historically, by this point in time, I have been decreasing the number of nursing sessions a day - with eventual weaning being the object. NOT SO with her. I have been unable to decrease due to the fact that she threatens me by becoming a non-sleeper (nap time & nighttime). In fact, I have been going the other way, I'm afraid - I've been increasing thanks to our Spring Break travels. Being in a different crib and sleeping in the same room as us DOES NOT create a blissful, sleeping atmosphere! So, there was a whole lotta nursing going on trying to combat this.

My fear is she will never want to give it up. Of course, that was my fear with all the others, too, since they all L.O.V.E.D. it so much, but it happened! They were not as dependent on it for sleep, however.

I do have some deadlines to beat. I need to be done and have her be sleeping perfectly by our 15 year Anniversary vacation in September. If that happens, then she wouldn't have to come along on her siblings' Birthday Disneyland trips in the Fall, either. Also, is it too much to ask to maybe have this accomplished by early summer, so I can go on a Business trip with Matt? And so my summer tops will fit better? And so I can run/do Aerobics/train for the Aug. Triathlon without injuring myself? And so I can't be so easily identified by others upon just merely looking at me? ("Oh, yeah, she's definitely nursing!") And that maybe sometimes I could pull off NOT wearing a bra - without looking atrocious?...OK, that one probably IS asking too much! :)

This is where Matt's fear comes in...what is going to happen to the "sisters" when it's all OVER for good? Just how small & low can they go? :)

The Power of Accountability

Last week I got curious.
I wondered about my eating. How bad was it? How good was it? Did I really want to know? YES! I decided I did.
My friend, Jill, (there - I dropped your name!) knows all about the nutritional value, points, calories, etc. of food, so I just told her I was going to write down everything I ate the next day and then show it to her to check.

And a very interesting thing happened...

The next day, I had some Easter candy in my cupboard that I'd been planning on eating. BUT, I didn't want to write it down that I ate it - so I didn't eat it! I showed my list to Jill that night and she said I was doing fine...but I was still curious - that was only ONE day.

I continued the day after that, too. I happened to go to Costco and, of course, they had 12 or so samples out - all of which I would've normally sampled. BUT, then I'd have to write down everything and that would make for a LONG list, and I did not want to do that - so I passed on the samples! I, again, showed my list to Jill - pretty good...but I was still curious - might as well keep going.

On Saturday, Matt asked if i wanted to go get a Blizzard with him at Dairy Queen (he had a B1G1 free coupon). I wondered what kind of impact that'd have on my daily caloric intake. I looked it up online. Are you ready for this? I checked out the Reese's PB cup blizzard since that's what I planned on ordering...

600 calories. 21 grams of fat. 87 grams of carbs (i.e. sugar)

And that was the SMALL size. No way was I going to write that down! That's all the calories of a meal. That's a whole days worth of fat. That's way too much sugar for an addict like me! Didn't go, didn't eat it, too disgusted to have that written on my list.

On Sunday, Matt made Chocolate Chip Cookies for some other families. They looked and smelled very good. The kids were swooning all around the kitchen at the leftovers. When he set aside some for us, I, again, thought about having to write it down. Instead of 11(+) cookies, I ate one that someone had already taken a bite out of - so, about two-thirds of a cookie. I could handle writing that down. 11+? Too appalling.

On Month End, Matt had to stay late at work, so he invited me to meet him for lunch (so we could at least see each other that day!) We went to Costa Vida. I always order the Fajita grilled steak salad. But, there's two sizes - large & small. Well, guess what? You got it - I didn't want to have to write down that I ate a LARGE one - how embarrassing! So, I ordered the small for the first time ever. And can I just say, it really is MUCH smaller. But, it was fine.

WAIT!...Does it sound like to you that Matt might be sabotaging me?!? :)

On Fast Sunday I made a mini-Thanksgiving meal for dinner. We had the Turkey, real Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Helen Goo's homemade rolls, Jamie's Thanksgiving casserole (vegetables)...Yummm! It really hit the spot for the fasters in my family! :) So much so that a lot of people were having 2nd & 3rd helpings...do you see where I'm going with this? That'd make me look like a PIG if I had to write down all those extra servings. No, not just LOOK - it'd be spelled out in black & white right in front of me - it WOULD be full-fledged PIG! So, I didn't.

So, last night I got curious again. It'd been a week since I'd been writing down everything I ate. Did it make a difference? Of course I wanted to know! So, I stepped on the scale....Oh, it made a difference, alright!

4.8 pounds, baby!

(loss, not gain, by the way.)

All because I wrote down everything that I ate. Who would've thought?

What I Wish I'd Known in High School

...OR Jr. High & College and pretty much my whole "Pre-marital Life."

I went and saw the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" recently and Oh, It's

Just. So. True!

I had actually learned about the book by the same title years ago after seeing the author on Oprah one day and it was like TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT!

Just because a guy TALKS to you, doesn't mean he likes you.

And when he smiles & laughs/jokes with you, that doesn't necessarily mean he likes you, either.

He may even take you on a date - occasionally [FYI: "hanging out" is NOT dating], but that also doesn't mean he likes you.

He might actually KISS you, too, so does that mean he likes you? Unfortunately, NO!

I DID NOT know this all those years!

My husband did all this in High School, too. I asked my husband, "WHY?" so I could try to understand. It's not Rocket Science, "You don't wanna burn any bridges!" he replied.

If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you. He DID NOT lose your phone number. He isn't "swamped" with work/team sports/homework/his favorite TV shows. He is not out of town. He did not get hit by a cab. HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU AGAIN! Guys don't forget how much they like you, so put down the phone.



If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. He did not forget where you live. He was not eaten by a lion. He is not interested.



Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking. He will ask you out in advance. Doing the asking the night of or even the day of is called a "Booty Call." A "Booty Call" is also when he just asks you out if his #1 choice has already been asked by someone else - or if his #1 choice says, "No," but he needs a date anyway.



If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a darn, it's because he doesn't give a darn.



An excuse is a polite rejection. No class, no meeting early the next morning, No "Big Game" tomorrow, no illness will prevent him from being with you IF he is into you.

If he’s too busy to see you on the weekends,
And he doesn’t introduce you to his friends,
He's just not that into you.

If he’s a month late for your birthday,
Or if he calls you by another girl’s name,
He's just not that into you.

If he says he’s not the marrying type,
And he only calls you in the middle of the night,
He's just not that into you.

If he says she’s just a friend, like a sister,
Then one day you see him up and kiss her,
He's just not that into you.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you."

What's up with "sort of dating" someone? Who wants to be "kinda hanging out" with someone? Sometimes guys can "use you" - for rides, or gifts, or homemade dinners, or NCMOs (that's a blast from the past) because they DO enjoy those things -- just not you!

Every guy you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you. If you can get the milk for FREE, why buy the cow?

A guy who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the girl he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you, it should only be because he's showing up at your residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may like you as a friend, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

Why did I not know any of this?

Then along came Matt....

The first time he said, "I'll call you." I thought to myself, "The lies Men tell..." AND THEN HE CALLED!!

One night, I was attending a Conference for a few hours. When I got home, my roommates told me that Matt had called -- 4 TIMES!!

We started dating in November ('93) and I went to Texas for Thanksgiving that year. He gave me his necklace to wear while there so I "wouldn't forget about him." (I didn't!)

On Christmas ('93) he left his home and Family to come to my house and give me a Christmas gift and go to a movie with ME.

He kissed me for the first time that Christmas night (under the Mistletoe ~ how convenient!)

And HE CALLED ME AGAIN on December 26th!

One evening, I was at his apartment and one of Matt's guy friends called and wanted to get together. Matt told him he wouldn't because HIS "GIRLFRIEND" was over.

He invited me over to his apartment to watch the Superbowl with him & all his roommates!

He held my hand around campus, and DID NOT let go even if we passed old "flames."

After that, if he ever was going home for the weekend, he wanted me to come with him, too. Or vice verse, if I was going home, he decided he'd go, too. (Our hometowns were next to each other) And HE CALLED ME and WE DATED all weekend.

There was a dance we went to at the USU Student Center one weekend. It was the kind where couples could get "hitched." There was a make shift Wedding Chapel, with an "Officiator." You signed a "Marriage Licence" (that was also signed by a "Witness" by the name of Hugh U. Kiddin!) We even got these cheap gold "wedding bands" and you could kiss if you wanted to, also. (Of course, we wanted to!) BUT, HERE'S THE BIG THING...When we went into the "Chapel, the "Love of Matt's Life" (but not always mutual) ALL through High School, his Mission, & some of College was in there (hint: J.J.) BUT Matt went ahead and happily got "hitched" to me and laid a BIG ONE on me right in front of her - and DID NOT CARE that she saw - in fact, he felt fabulous doing that with me!

I actually started my job before Graduation, so I moved away from Logan a little early, but Matt had to stay for finals. We were only apart about 4 days when I came back for Graduation, but he was so glad to see me again, he had a graduation gift & card/letter for me and he told me he KNEW he wanted to marry me - AND HE DID, 3 months later!

Now, that Guy was/IS INTO ME!

Now, as a mother, I've got a Two-Fold Mission:

1. Teach my daughters. Now we have some clues on how to read guys. No more mis-reading!! Don't "Waste the Pretty!" You deserve to be with someone who will be nice to you all the time. There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't waste your time trying to get together (and are not with) all those other crappy guys who weren't into you.


2. Teach my sons. When you say, "I'll call you" you WILL call her!! (SOON - like the next day!) And DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT kiss her if you don't like her (more than a friend!) Sometimes it might be best to tell her, "I'm just not that into you!" I've always said I'm gonna change the world "one boy at a time!" :)