Kids Say the Darndest Things - November '10 Edition

Taken from the sidebar...

After reading the Allegory of the Olive Tree in [l-o-n-g] Jacob chapter 5, Matt tried to offer some explanation....

Matt: "Who is being referenced as 'the good' and who are 'the evil'?"
Haylee: "Ryan and me are 'the evil'." 11/10


During family scripture study, we read 2 Nephi 28:21 ("...and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.") Then afterwards....

Haylee: "What's 'hell'?"
Someone else: "It's the bad place."
Haylee: "Oh-h-h, it's the devil's hideout?"
Me: "Exactly!" 11/10

It's Time for a New Lawn Ornament

Look what showed up in front of our home today....





With this will come a barrage of questions, no doubt. So, I thought I'd just put a stop to all the speculation/judgement/gossip and provide some of the answers/reasons to your inquiring minds right now.

1. ***This is the most important one*** A Bountiful Brave, like myself, just can't let my babies grow up to be Viewmont Vikings! (High School is just 9 months away for Ryan.) It's just not right. ;)


2. So far, we've gone through three different next-door neighbors - THREE! in each of the houses on both sides of us (for a total of 6) over the course of the 9 2/3 yrs. we've lived here...and my ego just cain't take it again if another were to move out on us (isn't it obvious by now that we are the cause?)...so, our plan is to BEAT them to it!


3. We're tired of getting the shaft on Halloween! We've consistently gotten a poor showing of Trick or Treaters (especially this year with the torrential down pour we experienced, but, Hey! that's still no excuse!) - because everyone is just too gosh darn lazy unmotivated to trek all the way up the hill to our home.


4. I've heard it's a sure way to get released from your church calling! (Besides these other two tactics we tried.)


5. We live on everyone's favorite running and biking Lane - and that's just not conducive to my all-blinds-open-walk-around-in-my-underwear lifestyle.


6. My children have lost every last of our 286 balls (again!) in our surrounding neighbors' yards/bushes, and we just can't bear to go knock on their doors for the 2,394th time to ask them to retrieve it for us.


7. My brother is my listing Realtor. Which means that's what he does for a job - ya know, that's how he earns his living.....and have ya heard lately how the housing market is doing in this lovely economy? So, the house-selling money hasn't been the best for him lately...So, I'm just tryin' to help out by giving him some more "business" - and calling it "charity!"


8. Going to this extreme is THE ONLY THING that forces me to clean my home - every day - all the time - no matter what - and keep it that way.


9. I figure with my current 4 children/10 year history with our elementary school, my turn for being PTA President is imminent - especially when my baby starts school in 3 years (when, at that time, I'll have a 5 children/13 yr. history.) And since I need that like I need a hole in my head, I gotta RUN while I can!


10. This home has "Baby Girl-making POWERS." Seriously. Before we moved here -- we couldn't make a girl to save our life! After moving here -- ALL girls! OK - True Story: This woman, who only had boys, but would LOVE to have a girl, suggested I let her and her husband "spend the night" at my home (while we went to stay somewhere else, of course!) because she wanted to partake of these "POWERS!" So, the reason we have to move? We've met our quota on the amount of drama/estrogen/tears/high-maintenance/hair struggles we can handle. We can't take any more chances!

So, there you have it. All very good, solid, reasonable answers. I hope I've satisfied your curiosity. Feel Free to contact "my People" if you have any more questions.

A Secret Crush

I just received this text:

You Have: 1 unread message from your secret crush. Reply "YES" to get ur crush's name now!

Ooooooooh! How exciting!! What great timing, too - just when I was feeling all frumpy and OLD. I wonder who it is?!!? Is he more like the Matt Damon/Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Ben Affleck/Derek Jeter/Chris Pine/Ian Somerhalder ...er...uh...I mean...Matt Brenchley type OR ....like the Pee Wee Herman type? OR is "he" not a "he?" Yikes! I better not reply "YES" and just hope the curiosity doesn't KILL me! :)

*****
Oh wait! There's more. In the fine print, the text further reads:
4 help 800-235-XXXX $9.99/mo. Msg & Data rates may apply.

Oh man! Is it just a money-making scheme?

See Suzanne. See Suzanne getting all "puffed up." See Suzanne have a deflated ego.

I Am Glad for Many Things

I am glad for many things, Many things, many things.
I am glad for many things That are mine today.

Thank you, thank you, my heart sings, My heart sings, my heart sings.
Thank you for the many things That are mine today.
(LDS Children's Songbook, pg. 151)

I have been stuck on this song since Sunday - where we sang it in Primary. Some of my children may or may not have begged me to "stop singing that song!" Not because they don't like the song, but because they can't stand my voice and/or it's not cool to have your Mom just spontaneously break out into song are trying to concentrate on their homework, that they are doing all on their own free choice, without complaint, of course. ;)

Regardless of my children's opinion of me, I AM glad for many things - and I will let it be known! When I started this blog, I included a "This Week's Gratitude List" thingie on my sidebar. The idea was to change the list weekly, thus the name, "This Week's..." but it's really more like every 10 days (give or take - mostly give) and once it was 36 days! This month of Thanksgiving, I pledge to actually have "week" mean "week." (roughly) Now that I just "confessed" my sins, let me go on. This practice has actually forced me to ponder and recognize the many blessings, big & simple to me, that I have. When I change the list on my blog, I write the previous "week's" list in my journal, so I have a "hard copy" forever. Without this, I think I would tend to get an "everything-is-bad-nothing-is-going-right, everybody-hates-me-nobody-likes-me" mentality.

OK - Example time...
Thanks to caller ID, we chose NOT to answer the phone the other night when Such & Such Home Security Alarm Systems called our home - during the "witching hour" of course.
My son, who was the one who screened the call, made the comment, "WHY would we even need a home alarm system? No one would want to steal anything we have!"
He thought he was being REAL clever when he voiced his next idea.
He said that we could just forgo the threatening alarm system sign out front of our property and put up our own sign.

The sign would read:
TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW!
Warning: You won't find anything of worth inside this house.
We don't have any Plasma T.V.'s.
We don't even have BIG T.V.'s.
We don't have any game systems.
We don't have Blu-Ray players.
We don't have laptops.
We don't have iPods.
We don't have iPads.
We don't have touch screen anything.
We don't have DVR/Ti-Vo - but we do have some old VCR's.
We don't have a cell phone for everyone in the family.
We don't have cell phones with the Internet.
We don't have leather couches.
We don't have surround sound or speakers on anything.
We don't have a pool table.
We don't have fancy schmancy computers.
We don't have body bugs.
We don't have a riding lawn mower.
We don't have nice cars.
and we surely don't have any CASH laying around...unless you count the measly $0.67 in my Mom's "Girl's Night Out" jar....
(He was crackin' himself up!)

I gave him the choice to voluntarily STOP his mouth right then OR to get the "duct tape treatment."

Because I couldn't stand to listen to it - at all - anymore! I. WAS. IRRITATED. I've heard their whinin' & complainin' before, but that day....that day if affected me more. Where does he get off thinking his life sucks since it is void of the above list? Since when did the above list equate happiness? I went off on how kids in X, Y, & Z 3rd World Countries would LOVE to live the Life of LUXURY that is found in our home. "Ungrateful, Little Brat" might have come to my mind, also! :)

He tried to tell me he was just trying to make a joke.
"My sign idea is FUNNY," he rebutted.

Apparently having lost my Sense of Humor, "NO! It's NOT funny," I informed him, as the "grouch Mom" was starting to come out of hiding.

"Uuuhhh....it's not? (looks at my stern face) OK, it's not funny," he agreed with an "eat crow" type of attitude.

And THAT is WHY I will continue, without warning, to blurt out, "I Am Glad for Many Things" (or any other song I feel the need to share) whenever and wherever (but definitely in front of my children) I please. Until they won't be able to get it out of their heads. It might just sink in.

A Case of Not-Able-to-Keep-your-Mouth-SHUT-itis

My family suffers from this....severely.

• The other night at the Pinewood Derby, Haylee's Activity Day Leader came up to me and she half-whispered, "Haylee told us some very interesting "information" at Activity Days......Is it TRUE?!?" Well, I had to find out WHAT had been divulged before I could either confirm or deny her inquiry. It turns out that the "information" Haylee had blabbed to BOTH her leaders and however many Activity Day girls were standing around is kind of a "family secret." It's something Matt & I talk about a lot and our kids have been privy to some of those conversations, but it was just between us family - not to be broadcast to everyone or anyone on the "outside" - ya know? With her leader standing right in front of me, asking me point blank, "Is it true?" I was forced to let her in on our "secret." Later, I confronted Haylee about it and she explained her behavior this way: "Well, we were just standing around and everyone else was talking and I was sittin' there wondering, 'What can I say? What can I talk about?' and then THAT came to my mind, so I just said it, it just came out so suddenly - and then THAT got everyone talking to me! Sorry!"

• We were on our way to visit family where we didn't know if we'd be eating or not - it hadn't been officially discussed - but oftentimes they do have something for us to eat or offer us something, but we got hungry before we arrived. We would be passing an In-n-Out Burger on the way, so we decided to just go through the drive-thru for a "snack." Before we even got our food, we stressed to our kids the importance of NOT saying anything about going to In-n-Out Burger to the family we were going to visit. Our "game plan" was, IF they offered us to eat with them, to accept their invitation with no mention of our "snack." IF there was no such invitation, then we would be extra grateful we'd eaten. Everyone agreed. We got our "snacks" and ate them in the car while we drove. When we arrived, we disposed of all "snack" evidence into the trash and again reiterated to everyone to refrain from telling the people we had stopped for food. Well, exactly 2.7 minutes after arriving, the host asks, "Have you eaten?"

To which Katelyn immediately responds, "YES!"

You've gotta be kiddin' me! I thought.

I tried to give the "SSHHH" signal to her with just my eyes.

Haylee, at least this time in an attempt to cover it up, says, "Just a 'snack'."

Whew! I thought. But, no....

The host asks, "What did you have for a 'snack'?"

Katelyn didn't catch on to any of my shut-your-mouth "looks."

- and I mentally tried to cup my hand over Katelyn's mouth.

Katelyn: "French Fries and Burgers, but no shakes this time."

I shook my head at Katelyn behind the host's back.

Host: "Did you stop somewhere?"

Katelyn: "YES! In-n-Out Burger." And then I quietly backed out of the room and escaped.

• At church on Sunday, there was a baby blessing, so a lot of visitors were there to see it. Afterwards, one of these visitors got up to bear their testimony. In my kid's defense, he didn't know who was who out of all the visitors in the congregation. Well, during this one person's testimony, she got off on telling a story/personal experience and for effect, at one time, she was shaking her head and waving her hands up by her head, while crying/saying, "What am I doing? What am I doing?" to which Ryan comments, semi-out loud, "What IS she doing?" That person's mother just happened to be sitting right in front of Ryan.

N-I-C-E!

Some people might say that they get this from their Mom (me), but, this is not correct. Although, I may rarely be at a loss for words, that is different than telling things I'm not suppose to tell. I do know and keep many, many secrets (other people's and my own). Sometimes to the point that I think I might explode - like I just can't hold it in anymore, but I do! I am not a blabber of really good, juicy, personal information - your secret's safe with me. ;)

Things I've Heard on the Job: #5

* Warning: Reader Discretion Advised. Graphic. If you consider yourself a "lady," - you won't want to read this post. End it now. Have young children and/or "proper" persons-from-my-parents'-generation-or-older leave the room.

I've sat on this one for a while not knowing whether I should write it or not, worrying about if others would find me inappropriate. But, it is so shocking - or unbelievable - and has such a "N-O W-A-Y" factor to it, that I just have to record it for my own "history" sake. Thus, the above warning is given and if "sensitive" readers ignored it, it's not my fault! :)

One early morning while "On the Phones @ JetBlue" I got a phone call from a customer in New York (6:00a.m. their time).

Me: "Good Morning! Thank you for calling JetBlue, my name is Suzanne, how may I help you?"
Customer: "Hey Suzanne - It's my birthday!"
Me: "Well, Happy Birthday!"
Customer: "My girlfriend already made sure it was V-E-R-Y HAPPY this morning!" :)
Me: "That's great. What can I help you with?"
Customer: "We want to book a spontaneous trip for my birthday today."

Then we proceeded to check various flight options and routes from New York to Florida that day. Blah, blah, blah. While trying to find him a good "birthday flight," he kept emphasizing to me that it was his birthday. And that he had a girlfriend (who was right there with him.) And that he wanted to get an outstanding trip.

Customer: "After this morning, she definitely deserves it!" :)

In the end, he didn't book right then with me. He said they'd take all that info and decide, then call back - so we said, "Good Bye."

Now, one of our policies at JetBlue is that WE never disconnect the call. We have to wait for THE CUSTOMER to disconnect the call. (Because we don't want to cut them off or end the call if they had something else to say/ask. We let them determine when we're done talking.) Now, in extreme circumstances, say if I'm getting an ear-full of vulgar language by an irate customer who will not stop even after my request that they do, I am allowed to give a warning that I will hang up - and then I am suppose to say, "JetBlue is releasing this call." and then hang up.

So......after I said "Good Bye" to Birthday Boy, I noticed that I didn't get a new call beep in, so I looked at my caller I.D. and I could see that he had not disconnected the call, yet. And so I just waited on the line. Maybe I had misunderstood and he and his girlfriend were "deciding" NOW on that trip to Florida and I needed to wait for him to come back and tell me.

It wasn't complete silence on the other end. I could hear hushed sounds, like he was still in the room where the phone was, but no one was speaking.

So, I followed JetBlue policy, and did not hang up the phone. I just started reading company emails and such.

And then I heard more than hushed sounds.

I heard a louder, repeated, rhythmic sound.

I heard something to the effect of: boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom...

And then I heard someone: "Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh."

I was brought back to consciousness as I had a flashback of my customer's earlier comments to me. Oh. My. Word. Did I just hear what I think I heard?!!?
Uhhhhh, I think that qualifies as an "extreme circumstance."

Me: "JetBlue is releasing this call."
Click

*****
Now, ending on that note, by way of announcement, let me just tell you that JetBlue is hiring new Reservations Agents right now. In fact, the job opened for application at 10:00 this morning on http://www.jetblue.com/ and it will be closing after they receive 500 applicants. Hurry! you won't want to miss out on this "opportunity!" :)

Seeing PINK

THIS BOOK:

was the inspiration behind Katelyn's 6 year old birthday party yesterday.

(And my friend, Michelle, had blogged about a Pinkalicious party she did for her daughter earlier this year, and it planted the idea in my head!)

It's an easy concept to understand...EVERYTHING just had to be PINK! It was a celebration of PINK proportions!

We sent out PINK invitations....and then Katelyn [almost couldn't handle the anticipation] awaited Party Day.

PINK Balloons

PINK cupcakes
(for those of you who are familiar with the story, know how crucial these are to a Pinkalicious Party!)


A PINK "Candy Bar"


PINK tutus

13 of them! I was making the last one at 3:30 for a 4:00 party start time. :P


A PINK table
(Not Shown: Strawberry Revel Ice Cream (vanilla with PINK swirls through it) and Cherry 7-up)

Guests wearing their most PINKALICIOUS outfits.

Reading PINKALICIOUS, of course!

PINKALICIOUS girls dancing in PINK tutus to "Disney's Princess Collection" CD.

*****

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge, no one ate more than 2 cupcakes, so our guests did not wake up this morning with a very rare and acute case of PINKITITIS (body turns all PINK). However, who knows what effect eating all their PINK bubble gum & candy will have AFTER leaving the PINKALICIOUS party. I assume NO responsibility for post-party episodes! :) But, the book teaches one what they must do in these cases, all I can do is offer the same advise; You must eat a steady diet of green food!