Things I've Heard on the Job: #1

As some of you may know, I work at JetBlue Airways as a Reservations Agent on the phones. When us agents get together, Oh, we have stories to tell!! All in a Day's Work. My family has also been amused by some of my "On the phones @ JetBlue" experiences I've shared with them, so I'm adding this as a segment to my blog. And depending on how much I work (I LOVE to take VTO) this will be a more or less occasional addition.

* Me: "Thank you for calling JetBlue. My name is SUZANNE, how may I help you?"
Customer #1: "Hello, Cindy. How are you?...."
(another call) Me: "Thank you for calling JetBlue. My name is SUZANNE, how may I help you?"
Customer #2: "Yes, Sally, I need to make a reservation...."
(another call) Me: "Thank you for calling JetBlue. My name is SUZANNE, how may I help you?"
Customer #3: "Suzy, I have a question...."
(another call) Me: "Thank you for calling JetBlue. My name is SUZANNE, how may I help you?"
Customer #4: "Thank you for helping me Sharon. Will you..."

* Customer: "Can we take a baby Iguana on the flight?"
Me: "We only accept cats & dogs as pets on the plane."
Customer: "Even if it's small?"Me: "That's correct. Iguanas are not approved to be on our planes."
(pause)
Customer: "What would happen if we took it in our pocket where no one could see it?"
Me: "The x-rays at the security check point may very well pick it up, and then TSA would decide what you'd have to do, but you would not be allowed through with the Iguana.
Customer: "Not that we would do that, or anything, I was just curious."
Me: "Of course." ;)

* During the Fall season, it is a common practice, Industry-wide, to lighten the flying schedule both through reduction of flights per day and cutting back from daily flights to only running it certain days of the week. This particular customer had previously been booked on a Tuesday, but due to schedule changes, this traditionally slow travel day's flight was no longer in service. He would need to choose the day before or the next available day...(And he was NOT happy!)
Customer: "This is not MY fault! What are YOU going to do about it, Cindy? It's YOUR fault. YOU need to get me that flight back. I didn't do anything wrong! It's YOU! Cindy, how are YOU going to fix this problem? YOU keep telling me all the other flight choices, don't you know how to say anything else? Don't tell me you'll 'reaccomodate' me, Cindy, that's not what I want. It's not MY fault. It's not. It's not. It's not! Why did YOU do this to me, Cindy? It's YOUR fault. That's what it is!"
Poor Cindy - Don't you feel sorry for her? :) Uh, huh...she, herself, singled John Doe out and forced the airlines CEO to purposely mess with his flight - just to make him miserable, of course!

* A customer was trying to make some flight arrangements for her father due to a death in the family. The Last minute fares were higher than she wanted to pay. She discovered that if they waited a few days to depart, they could get a much better fare. I overheard this conversation going on in the background while she still had me on the phone...
Customer: "Dad, if you wait to go on Wednesday, it'll cost a lot less."
"Dad": "That's too late, the funeral is on Monday."
Customer: "You can't pay $XXX.XX to fly out earlier."
"Dad": "But, I waaant to go then."
Customer: "What do you want to see a dead man for? He's not gonna know you missed the funeral!!"

* Customer: "Good thing you're dressed, I have video web cam!"
(Good thing I don't have a camera in MY office. And he obviously doesn't know that'd be required to successfully SHOCK someone with his comment.)But just for fun, I could've responded in a number of ways:
"Oh, you better get your eyes checked, because I'm NOT dressed!" OR

"Please turn yours off, I can't stand looking at you!" OR

"What d'ya think of my (take your pick) see-through/leopard print/black leather with metal spikes/barely there negligee?" OR

"No...it's really unfortunate for YOU that I am [dressed], because YOU'RE really missing out!" :)