The Stink Eye and a Shake of the Head

You know what really bugs me?

People who are not relatable, at all. Like your "Aunt" who had 19 children (Oh. Hi Michelle Duggar) but then they left home and she forgot all about how it was like to have little ones in the house until YOU came to visit with your small children and she was like, "Don't touch that! Oh, no, not there! That's my expensive china/brand new couch/special blinds. Let's have your kids use this bathroom. Do you always let little Sally talk to you like that? My kids never did that!"

CASE IN POINT:

Last Sunday we were not at home, so we attended church in a different city, a very small city in the middle of nowhere. A BONA FIDE Hick Town, would be exactly accurate. The building itself was probably 100 years old, or more...which most likely played a part in it's poor acoustics. Which is WHY when my daughter started crying OUT LOUD approximately 5.7 seconds after we sat down in the chapel, it was a big problem! Not just a problem because this is my 8-yr. old daughter (when will it stop?), who was crying because she didn't get a seat by her Dad (R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S!) but also a problem because she could be heard all around (and then again a couple of seconds later with the echo in the place! And because the crying was constant, so was the echoing.)

The row behind me stopped their conversation to look
"That's One," I whispered. We now had the row behind me's attention.

She kept at it.

"That's Two," I warned. The people one row back were watching our every move.

She made no effort to stop.

"That's Three. We're going out," I informed her. As I could FEEL the stares of those behind me burning into my back.

This announcement only made her volume increase (which made removing her from the chapel even more necessary) and her resolve to stay put stronger. She didn't move an inch. I put my hand on her arm to guide her out and she resisted with all her might. Still crying - out loud - and now trying to swat away my hand, vocally protesting her "fate."

What a great First Impression we were making on that congregation! They were probably thinking, "Oh no, a new family from h--- just moved in!"

My guiding hand turned into a grab-her-by-the-bicep hand in order to force her out, whether her feet were touching the ground or not.

Once we got to the foyer, all eyes out there were on us to see what was the commotion. Of course, all couches and chairs were taken by others, so I led her up some nearby stairs for her "Time Out." (still crying). Very shortly after that, one of the women who had previously been occupying one of the foyer chairs came walking over and looked up the staircase at us, said nothing, just spied on us. (still crying). I took that as a cue that we were not wanted there, so I moved my daughter around the corner and up the stairs further. Well, this church has an open balcony upstairs that overlooks the "overflow seating" for the Sacrament Meeting down below. I thought maybe while she was "cooling off," I could go stand by the balcony railing and listen/watch the meeting. But, the multiple looks up that I got from those sitting down below in the overflow led me to learn that she could be heard from there, as well. (still crying). Time for PLAN C. I took her back downstairs, passed the spy lady, and walked down the hall looking for a classroom - out of the way - that could buffer her noise/disruption. I turned to look back toward the foyer, and there's spy lady watching my every move, giving me the "stink eye." I found a room for my daughter and put her in it and moved back out to the hall. Well, this created a BIG objection (in the form of louder crying) from my girl, which, in turn, created a BIG look of disapproval from spy lady down the hall. I finally told her that I'd have to shut the door so no one could hear her - and I was one of those who didn't want to listen to crying, so I was going to wait on the other side of the door. To which she reacted by banging on the door after it was closed. Lovely. At this point, spy lady had gotten herself a friend to tell about the "public disgrace" that had come to their church, and they were both standing there, whispering and shaking their heads, while staring us down (well, me since my daughter was out of view, in the room.)

So, there you have it, the Stink Eye and the Shake of the Head from "Ms. Perfect," I'm sure. "Perfect" only because either a) She's never had children (or as many, or with the same circumstances) or b) She can't remember a dang thing about how it really is to have children and she's fooled herself into believing she did it all "right."

Eventually, my daughter DID get herself under control, so she came out of the room and joined me in the hall, where we waited to take the Sacrament before returning to the Chapel (where she was very good the rest of the meeting, sitting between her brother and myself - that kind of behavior doesn't earn her a seat next to Dad!)

But, while we were still standing in the hall waiting, daughter quiet & calm, spy lady had returned to her chair in the foyer, and she had a straight-on view of us. And there she sat, all straight-backed, with good posture, ankles crossed and positioned to the side - like a queen on her throne - that's what she thought she was: The Queen of raising up "perfectly behaved children." Doesn't she know that's an OXYMORON?!? And you know what? She was still looking at us, but this time smiling - not a friendly smile, but a patronizing smile like "Look how cool and composed I am during church sitting here on my throne (never mind that I'm with no children to test me) while you're down there totally uncool, with steam coming out of your ears, and a less than pleasant countenance - and now the subject of our foyer gossip!"

She watched us like that until we left her view and entered back into the Chapel - it's like she was just waiting for us to screw up again - and then as we passed her, she gave us a look like we had real gall to take our "potential disturbance" back into this place of worship.

Well, at least we were IN the meeting instead of out in the hall passing judgement on other less-than-perfects!