Just Loungin' Around on the Couch Eating Bon-Bons ~ Take 2

I was talking with a friend today whose "baby" is the same age as my "baby."  As is the same for me, this school year marked the first time for her since becoming a mother that ALL children are in school for the WHOLE day.  That means we're home alone during the day now.  Unlike me, who [idiotically] changed my work hours at my jetBlue job to the daytime and, consequently, ruined all my "discretionary time," she is not currently employed for pay, so I guess others have taken that as the green light to stick their noses in her business and ask stupid questions.
She told me that multiple people have now started to ask her, "What do you do all day?"

What?!?

Like no one could possibly think of anything else one would do besides "punch a time card?"
(So irritating).

I'll tell you what she does:
She runs at least 5 miles a day.
She keeps her house immaculately clean!!  Like we're talkin' you could totally eat off her floors!  Seriously.  And you would NOT find dust/dirt in her window tracks, a ring around her toilet bowl, or crumbs on the kitchen counter!!!  She makes sure of it.  ;)
She shop vacs her garage regularly.  As well as her cars.
(She'll wash and wax the cars' exterior, too!)
She makes wreaths for her front door.
She volunteers in both of her elementary school-aged children's classroom once a week.
She goes on EVERY SINGLE field trip, as a chaperone, with her children's school class.
She makes dinner.  Even freezer meals for future use, when needed for unexpected company, a sick neighbor/friend, or a hectic, busy day for the family.
And she often brings my family plates of goodies......just because!
She serves in the Young Women organization of her church congregation.  (THAT takes a ton of time, I know from past experience!)
She spends a good amount of time on the phone with or at doctor offices due to her children's unique "ability" to break their legs!  ;)  And being an advocate for their care.
Did I mention she runs 5 miles a day?!?
She grows flowers.
She just did half the wedding (planning, shopping, decorating, baking, scheduling, paying for) her younger sister's wedding.
She has six people's laundry to do which includes a plethora a dance and soccer workout gear.  (And it doesn't get left undone like some people I know [me])
Her kids never look like rag-a-muffins (again like some people I know [me]) - with three girls' hair nicely coiffed and donning cute clothes.
Her car goes in and out of her driveway all day long running different errands in order to keep the pantry stocked and the household running.
She goes to the temple.

Man, I'm tired!

And these are just the things that I SEE or know about.....there's undoubtedly so much more she's doing behind the scenes that I don't see.
Oh!  And she runs 5+ miles a day - did I happen to mention that one, yet? 

I'm not doing all that - are you?  Now that I've "shed light on the situation," would people ask her that question still?!?
Probably.
They REALLY don't have any clue, do they?

Her experience reminded me of my own experience I had recently while I was getting a manicure.  (Oh, is that WHY I'm not doing everything she's doing because I spend my time at the Spa?  ;)  Actually, it is a rarity to find me there - I was finally using a gift certificate I got for my birthday, and had already had for over 6 months.)

So, back to the manicure.....the gal doing it was chatting it up with me and she found out I worked at jetBlue.  She asked me if I was full-time or part-time.  When I told her I worked 24 hrs. a week there, she then asked me, "So, what do you do with the rest of your time?"
I replied that I had a family; a husband and five children.
She kind of went, "Mmmm hmmm" and then pushed further with, "So, what do you do?", dismissing that my previous remark had anything to do with her question of how I fill my time.

Well, interestingly enough, after visiting with her throughout the rest of the manicure, I found out that she:

• Is not married.
• Has children who are from multiple different men.
• Is currently trying to get back with the father of her youngest child, but she doesn't want to move into his place because the last time she lived there, whenever they would fight (which was a lot), he'd get mad and kick them out, and then they'd have no place to live.
• Has her mom live with her, and she watches the kids while she's at work, cleans, does laundry, pays for half the home improvement costs, take the children to appointments, cooks dinner, etc.
• Bar-tends a few night a week and gets off at all hours of the morning. 
• Says she does not have good choice in men.

After that conversation, it became more obvious to me WHY she [ignorantly] asked me the question; it was rather telling that she did not know, hadn't figured it out yet, that there is a connection between TIME and Quality FAMILY life.  ;)

*********************
The first of my "Bon-Bons" posts is back HERE

Told You So

I have this little sign in my home:

It speaks the plain truth!

(Although no one wants to admit it!)

Case(s) in point:

• My two youngest daughters think it IS ABSURD that I tell them to put their shoes away, WHEN they take them off, in their closet, that it will make their life (& mine) so much easier.  (At least, I'm assuming they think it's absurd since they totally ignore my counsel on this matter.)     AND THEN, they frequently get to experience the mad dash, frantic searching, & whining/tears which comes from not being able to find their shoes - and often still produces no shoes - and results in being late to school, church, & dance lessons.
• Since Friday is "early out" from school and really the only day that works out to play with friends after school, I tell my oldest daughter that she should do all of her reading before school, so she is free to play after.  Well, apparently it's another absurd idea because it's much more fun to just hang around doing nothing before school!       AND THEN, she has this one friend who seriously calls to play THE MINUTE she walks in the door from school.  And guess what?!?  She can't play since her reading is not done.  This is followed by MUCH weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
• My friend's daughter's basketball team had a couple players get injured and they were now short on players and asked about my daughter playing with them.  When I mentioned it to her, she protested, I don't want to play!  I told her it would be fun and she would be good - she's quite tall, after all.  Her sports lovin' older brother actually told her she didn't have a choice, that she WOULD play ball!  ;)  She went out in the garage to practice dribbling, and she tripped over some boards and fell down, so she shouted/cried at me, You should've never gotten me into this!  I told her not to trip on boards - there wouldn't be any on a real basketball court - and that she needs to try it and she would have a good time.     AND THEN, she did go play in the basketball game.  She was all smiles whenever she looked at us in the "stands" and beaming afterwards.  Her first words to me at the end of the game?  "I want to sign up to play basketball next year!!"
•  I tell my family to keep their elbows off the table.  They think I'm being too proper, that I'm obsessed with "old school" manners in our own home.     AND THEN, we average 9.2 spills a week.
• I function by the "A place for everything and everything in it's place" idea and like to tell my family members this quote. NO ONE else in my home buys into this.  Why would they?  It's SO MUCH easier to just drop things along the way without paying any attention.    AND THEN, *someone's* wallet is ALWAYS missing (along with all their money!) when they need to go somewhere with it.
• I've suggested an "after school routine" for my very distractable, can't-remember-what-she's-doing-when-she-walks-from-one-room-to-the-next daughter.  It goes like this:

4:00 Arrive Home

4-4:15 After school snack

4:15-4:30  ONE page of assigned homework

4:30-4:50 Practice piano

4:50-5:10 Read

So, by 5:15, she is DONE with EVERYTHING, and FREE to do whatever she wants until bedtime!!! 

She has chosen NOT to adhere to this whatsoever UP UNTIL last week (when we had to have a "duct tape intervention."  Meaning we took all 23 rolls away from her until she could go a week demonstrating responsibility & initiative.)  So, she follows the schedule, and she discovers what "free time" with no checking up from parents feels like - what a novel idea!!!  And she says to me, "This is so great!  Why haven't I been doing this all along?!?"

• But, probably THE BIGGEST "I told you so" incidences that's been on my mind [almost constantly] this week has something to do with the fact that after being a 3 car family for just a mere 5 1/2 weeks, we are back to being a 2 car family.  This is a result of our 3rd car now being deemed "undriveable" due to its extensive damage it has sustained by it's *driver* who was driving it in a way that was contrary to the ways I had always told them to drive!  Let alone, what really COULD HAVE happened to the *driver* if they weren't so lucky blessed to come out unharmed - at least physically!!!  But, what do I know?  I grew up in the 80's!  (*that person's* favorite line to say to me.)  As if "defensive driving" was ONLY applicable when I was in my youth!?!  

 Grrrrrr!
What do they say?  You learn 20% of what your hear, but 80% of what you experience.  You have to experience it to learn it.

And then it still comes back to this:

A Silver Lining

My Mission President first taught me about "Silver Linings." As in, "Every cloud has a silver lining."
He taught that in the midst of difficulty - and there was PLENTY on the mission (our message was rejected, cancelled baptism dates, unable to receive permission from parents/husbands/friends who were opposed to and would not grant permission to their loved ones being Baptized, investigators dropping us, foreign languages to learn, WEIRD food, "No Shows" for appointments & church, The cold/wet/humid/scorching weather...on a bike, companion relationships, etc. - sometimes ALL in the SAME day! Aauuugh!)

But, then, he said, there was ALWAYS something GOOD that could come out of it.  Blessings were all around - even if we did not discover them until a WHILE after the desperate/unhappy/gloomy situations.


Soooo, in the middle of our Post- Ruptured Patellar Tendon life - and I say, "OUR" because it has totally affected our whole family...."Single parent" with one more "child" to care for, but only the same amount of [limited] time - and only ONE driver....

I found a SILVER LINING!

{compliments of our Orthopedic Dr.....I made the request, and a trip to the DMV, and voila!}

And what's better than having a handicapped parking pass?

Having TWO passes!  (One for each car.)

Being a whole foot shorter than Matt, with much shorter legs, I've always had to move along, it seems, with a slow gallop to keep up with him.  NOW.....I'm walking very S.L.O.W.L.Y. and I'm still in front of him.  So, the shorter distance he has to "walk" (what do you call it when one move on crutches?) the better!

BUT!  I will not abuse it.  I have been in the car all by myself, and I pass the front, handicap parking stalls and find one further away, even though.....legally, technically, I could get away with it.

I've noticed others do park in those "reserved" spots EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE A HANDICAP PASS.  And THEN WE have no where semi-close to park.  I'm totally bugged by that.  Don't do it!  There ARE people who really need it!!!

And it's good for 3 MONTHS!  SCORE.  (Hope & Comfort among the challenges.)  It makes my "Gratitude List."

--------------
On the same subject of "Silver Linings" - did you think I was going to write about the movie?  I'm upset that Silver Linings Playbook is rated R.  It sounds like a great idea for a movie.....that I won't be seeing.  Hey!  You movie making people!  Why do you have to ruin all these movies with crap that brings them down to a disgusting & inappropriate rated R level?  Don't do it!

(I guess it's "Opposite NIKE Day")

I Need to Get Out of Dodge

I haven't seen the ground for over a month!  It's been covered with snow or ice continually.  OR, at times, snow AND ice.  In the past, usually it will snow, but then the sun comes out and melts it all in a few days.  Then it will snow again sometime later, only to be all gone within days again.  This year, ACCUMULATION is the story.

UTAH IS FRIGID!

I mean colder than I ever remember it.  I am actually wearing a coat every time I go out.  Mountains of snow pushed to the side of the road and in the middle of parking lots are a common sight. In fact, the width of the roads has been narrowed because the snow banks are spilling out into the outside lanes, and the snow plows haven't had time to clear the entire width of the road, just down the centers.  Our poor cul-de-sac has been forgotten by the city's snow removal crew - they still don't know REAL PEOPLE live in a few of these houses in the construction zone?!  We [foolishly] drove on our driveway when it first snowed back in December, and the packed down snow became permanent.  It was all white for a month.  EVERY house & building has icicles galore - I'm seriously afraid entire rain gutters or eaves are going to bust right off the framework.  Then add the constant INVERSION we've had - a sky full of "gunk" blocking out the sun is depressing!  And hard on the respiratory system, too.

Basically, The Beehive State resembles a frozen tundra.

Currently, anyone who walks anywhere outside is taking their life into their own hands.  The combination of temperatures in the teens, a thick layer of ice, and the sun’s inability to melt anything right now make for a scary combination.

Two and a half weeks ago, school was cancelled - we got THREE phone calls AT 5:45 IN THE MORNING, one to my cell phone, followed by one to Matt's cell phone, and then finally to our home phone.  Yep!  We got the message - we had a SNOW DAY!  That's the first one we've had since my oldest started school 12 years ago - we just haven't had bad enough snow storms in all these years!  I remember having one when I was in High School, but the power was out in conjunction with the weather which made school impossible.

Then last Friday, the ringing of my cell phone woke me again from my slumber.  School was going to start two hours later than normally scheduled due to the ice storm we had the previous day & night.  We're not used to those in Utah and we don't know how to drive (or walk) in them!  I actually could handle that late start for school.  I was totally ready when I took the kids to school and there was no rushing!  :)  But, it was also "early out Friday" so the elementary kids were all back home 2 1/2 hours later - WEIRD!

(Then we had a "turn" in the weather when it rose to a "balmy" 35 degrees for a few days and we were able to chop up the snow/ice [and break our backs/arms] off our driveway and we saw concrete again!)

And then it dumped snow on us again yesterday, and we've got more snow forecasted for the next 3 days.  We already broke a brand new shovel we bought last month!

Winter has always been my least favorite season, but THIS YEAR....Oh, it's been so bad.  It's merciless!

I CAN'T STAND IT!  I need OUTTA here!  I'm going to go LOONEY pretty darn soon!

Even Kyle, who enjoys the snow......

...says he is now DONE with it. NOW THAT'S HUGE when it gets to the point that he'll say THAT!

So, EVERY DAY, I am telling Matt, "We gotta get outta here!"

And he says, "I hear ya."

But, for some reason, we're STILL HERE.  And we have no excuse, with my flight privileges and all!

We are currently on the TOP of a waiting list for a Mexican Riviera cruise that has SOLD OUT but is leaving in 12 days.  (That my siblings & parents happen to be already booked on)  I am driving my "Personal Cruise Consultant" at Holland America crazy by calling every week, even though she has told me she will let me know as soon as a cancellation comes in!  Hey, what does she get paid for, anyway?!  I'm just helping her "earn her pay!"  PLEASE SOMEONE CANCEL!!!  It'll just take ONE cabin to cancel, and we are ON that ship.  Isn't that bad, that I'm hoping for a cancellation, which will most likely be BECAUSE OF an "unfortunate event" for someone else, so that I will have something good that I want!?

If this cruise doesn't work out for us in February, I'm demanding we go to Cancun in March (after basketball season is over.)  We have a free week at an Adults Only all-inclusive resort that we have to use before June 2014 anyway -- but March is so far away!!!  I need to go somewhere warm & sunny NOW!   Waaaaahhh!

See, I'm becoming mentally deranged!  I'm gonna be that lady you see on the Evening News doing something totally crazy & senseless......if my environment doesn't change soon!

Knock On Wood

Just about 2 weeks ago, I had included on my "This Week's Gratitude List" sidebar feature this blessing:

"Grocery Shopping with Brookelle is NOT BAD!"

Seriously. I was feeling quite grateful for this because that is very rare for my toddlers!
But, Brookelle will ask me, "Can we go to the store today?"
And then while we're there, she amuses and amazes me with things she says in her little, sweet sounding voice.
She either sits in the cart seat or pushes her own mini cart, if available - and stays right by me.
Most always she "earns" a treat for her good behavior.
Recently, when seeing/hearing another child having a tantrum in the store, I actually thought, "I'm so glad we're past THAT!"

{Big Mistake. BIG. HUGE!} (Name that movie)

Because THEN....

Then enter yesterday.

I don't know what was wrong with her. (Even talking about it later with her, she can't identify/express it.)
She started crying when I didn't turn down certain aisles/paths.
She wasn't staying by me (because she would stop and refuse to proceed if I didn't come back and take "her" path.)
She sat down on the floor by her mini cart and pouted, and wouldn't move.
She was screaming, "BUT MM-AAHHH-MM!" when I told her to stand up and kept walking myself.
Then she was crying, and crying, and crying -- out loud.
I told her she would have to sit in my cart and ditch the mini cart if she didn't stop.
Which made her cry more. And protest. And stay put where she was 20 feet away from me.
I told her she wasn't earning her treat.
Which made her cry/whine, "But, I WAAAANT it!"
This ridiculousness was taking way to long to shop.
So, I walked back to where she was to pick her up and put her in my cart.
She pulled the "slippery snake" manuever and I couldn't get a hold of her.
So, I grabbed her hand and pulled her over. Well, she tried to wrangle her hand free of me, too, so I was left with just the tip of her two longest fingers -- which she screamed I was holding "too tight!"
Do you think she let me put her in the cart all nice and neat? OH NO!
There was much flailing of arms and legs, weeping and wailing & gnashing of teeth.
I could not get her feet/legs to go through those darn openings - for the first three tries - in the midst of which her bum hit another part of the cart and then she started to CRY louder about that.
I then had to start emptying out the groceries from her mini cart into my main cart.
I came across the the package of cherry nibs that she was planning on for her treat, and so I took it out of the mini cart and put it on a grocery shelf and stated, "We're not getting this."
To which she cried/screamed, "Yes, Yes!"
I replied, "NO WAY."
All the while she is crying.
{Can you picture this whole [familiar] scene? It IS familiar, right? Right?!? Hello? tap, tap. Is this thing on?}

And THEN....

And then I heard a male voice come from behind me, "Stop being mean." It was without emotion, not angry, not excited - just FLAT, "Stop being mean."
I almost started to smile as I turned around to see who it was because I thought it humorous that someone was talking to Miss B about her misbehavior.
I was expecting to see either:
1) Someone I knew
or
2) One of those good-intentioned, chatty adults, who frequently make comments to my little ones or myself when we're out and about, stopped and ready to try their "tricks" to make her happy.
Instead I saw no one stopped behind me.
I only saw a man with white hair and a white beard walking right by with his own cart, looking straight forward the whole time, ignoring us - like purposely trying NOT to look at us.
I was pretty sure it was him!
And then I realized, it had not been a sarcastic/joking statement made to Miss B. He had directed his comment AT ME!

So, now I've got strangers telling me I'm mean.
But, not to my face, just behind my back.
Because I don't give candy rewards to little girls who act like a rascal. (I don't know how much of the series of events he saw, but I'm assuming he just saw the last taking-away-candy episode.)
And also because that stranger is mistaken on the point at which his business stops and someone else's business begins!
If he wants to grow a long white beard - and keep it white, even though HE DOESN'T ACT LIKE Santa Claus = HIS BUSINESS
If I want to take away privileges from my child who didn't earn them = MY BUSINESS
If he wants to shop at a store in an area that is heavily populated with children - who could be prone to crying = HIS BUSINESS
If I want to go straight home after that and completely bag the other four errands I had intended to do that day because I felt like crap after his comment, and just put my cranky daughter to bed [amidst more fighting/objections from her] instead = MY BUSINESS

May I retract my previous statement from my "Gratitude List" now?

I Can't Plug my Nose for That Long

Dear Lady with the Stinky Feet sitting next to me at the Theatre last night,

PLEASE....You can't do that to people!!
The smell fills up the whole row!
(and it was my birthday.)

May I suggest you either:

• wash your feet
• launder your socks
• don't shower in your socks (like my nephew did!)
  
• refrain from walking in gutters with running water/snow/streams in your sneakers and then not airing them out properly
• put your shoes through a washing machine cycle
• spray febreeze all over the insides of your shoes
  
• get new sneakers
• and if you can't afford to buy a new pair, enter this contest for the prize money - you're sure to win! (since the contest is only for children ages 5-15, you'll have to have one of them use YOUR sneakers in your behalf! But it's also proof this should be MORE of a "child's problem.")
  
• wear a different pair of shoes out in public
  
• give me your address and I will personally ship you some of these
• find a new [honest] "Theatre friend" -- Friends don't let friends come to the Theatre with stinky feet!
  

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Tender Nostrils

Breaking my Silence

Mother's Day has come and gone two previous times ('09 and '10) since I've had my blog and, though I've had many feelings & words that I could've shared and written, I did not. Every year, I thought about writing a "Mother's Day" post - I wanted to - but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. So far, I've always told myself, maybe next year. If this was my private journal, I'd have no problem writing it, but since others read it, this was one area I felt like I'd have to "edit" my true thoughts since it would surely bring judgement, disapproval, and loss-of-brownie-points (so to speak) from my readers.

Well, No more! THIS year is the year.

I've decided, IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.....

**Stop reading now if you only like full of Malarkey beautiful, flowery, "THE BEST", favorable, uplifting accounts/opinions of Mother's Day. There are other blogs out there like that ~ which adds to my GUILT. (You've been warned.)**

The Reason? I despise Mother's Day.

There. I said it. It's the truth.

I guess I could end my post there, that about sums it up, but I'm NOT a gal of few words! :)

I LAUGH that it's even considered a "HOLIDAY." I KNOW that Motherhood is a thankless job, but I'm bugged that we PRETEND to "celebrate" Mothers when, instead, it makes us feel worse. Let's. just. don't.

Each year, I start to get anxious about it the week of Mother's Day. The dread starts to set in. And on Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I can see a definite mood change in me. It shifts to the LOUSY end of the spectrum.

Mother's Day comes and I FEEL: Angry, Depressed, Guilty, Disappointed, Unacceptable, Discouraged, Inadequate, Under appreciated, a "lowlife", Unpleasant, Lacking, Self-Loathing.....a failure.
(And what's to LIKE about all of THAT?!?)

It used to start by me watching Talk Shows, Documentaries, or News Programs on T.V. the week leading up to Mother's Day, that would highlight certain mothers. People in America (family & friends) were "nominating" mothers who they believed were WONDERFUL and then these programs were telling her story, broadcasting a Tribute to the "winning" mothers. Well, of course, I was never featured on one of these shows (surprise, surprise) but it was obvious why -- I wasn't anything like those WONDERFUL mothers. There were stories of mothers taking in MANY Foster children or handicapped children into her loving home and giving them a great life. There were stories of mothers who died, and so then the oldest sister became the "Mom" and sacrificed and raised all the younger siblings. There were stories of mothers who literally saved the lives of her children in dramatic [physical, emotional, spiritual] ways. And there were stories of mothers who had "defied all odds" and survived abusive situations/terminal illness/financial destitution and mothered all on her own and raised delightful, successful children. Etc, etc, etc.
Tears would just be running down my face as I watched these shows because, YES, I was touched by those mothers' stories. BUT, at the same time, I knew that I didn't do ANY of those things myself....which blatantly brings to my attention: I am NOT a wonderful mother.
I finally quit watching those shows - it was too much torture for me.

Then there is church. The Sacrament Meeting talks are killers. I do acknowledge the tough job the Bishop has to creating a meeting that doesn't leave anyone out or make them feel bad. It seems in recent years, they have tried to select the speakers carefully (someone who is male or not a mother yet, so it doesn't ruin a woman's day even further by having to speak) but the content of the talk cannot always be controlled.
This one is THE WORST that I hear from the pulpit- it gets to me THE MOST:
My Mother NEVER yelled at her children [insert me slouching down lower in my pew as I think, Oh, I'm really good at it!]
But then there's also these:
My Mother was ALWAYS there for us - she came to every game/concert/recital/School Field Trip I ever had.
My Mother raised $1,500,000 for the American Cancer Society
My Mother taught me how to cook, sew, cut hair, do yoga, farm, change the oil on the car, can, start a business, paint, read by age 3, compose music, invest money, drive a stick shift, build a campfire, and WORK.

And then all the prayers in church are all "We're so thankful for our sweet, dear, kind mothers and women in our life. Please let them know how valuable, special, and priceless they are. Help us to give them the honor and respect they so deserve."
They seem too mushy and phony to me....those were the words I hear, but here's the actions I see: My Brood is still on the pew wiggling around, crying, complaining, kicking me....and then when it's time for the Primary Children to go up and sing to their mothers, I'll have one who will REFUSE to go up, or if they do go up, they stand up there without singing, sometimes hiding behind someone taller, or just laughing through the whole thing. NICE!
I know of some women who have quit going to church on Mother's Day. Although I always choose to go, I can actually understand their choice.

I also resent how my family spends all Saturday NIGHT (as if it's an afterthought) scrambling trying to get stuff for Mother's Day, which makes it so 1) We can't go out and do anything and 2) They're not able to find everything/anything at the last minute. It's sure a "testament" to how special they feel I am!

On Sunday morning, I'm the first one awake, thanks to my littlest one verbally requesting a diaper change from us. Everyone else is enjoying snoozing in late on Mother's Day. What is wrong with this picture? I ask myself. Even though I am starving, I don't eat because the kids might bring me breakfast in bed. So, I wait....all the while wondering if we're going to be able to get ready for church in time. When the Brood does gather in the kitchen to put their collective efforts together for my Mother's Day breakfast, arguing/crying/tormenting/complaining ensues. And I hear, no less than 10X in the background, their father saying, "SSHHHH....Stop that, don't do that - it's Mother's Day!"

After church, I'm told to go in my room and "relax" - even take a nap and they'll take care of dinner. Only, that's kind of hard considering my door keeps opening by different members of my family (the adult & children alike) asking:
What do you want for dinner?
Where is the salt?
Do we have any lemon extract?
Can I used the limes in the fridge?
Are you going to make the rolls?
What are the measurements for Ranch dressing?
If it says "3 lemons" - does that mean 3 slices of lemon or 3 whole lemons?
How do you bake a baked potato?
What does "boil" mean?
Their preparation, knowledge, & skills make for a very "restful" afternoon for me, let me tell ya!

Everyone in the world TRIES to be all nice & lovey, but I think it feels FAKE.
For Example:
There's the obligatory Mother's Day phone call with my mother, when we hardly ever call each other on any regular day.
There's the Mother's Day "coupons" I get from my children, but when I try to "redeem" one, they are unwilling and resist. (I have dozens of these unused, null & void coupons)
I've witnessed that my husband and his brothers always give their Mom a hug and say "I love you" on Mother's Day, but they do not do that at any other time of the year.

The thing I want most for Mother's Day is for my family to do their jobs, be happy, obedient, & agreeable, don't fight, and to be on time to church ~ at least for that one day.

Is it too much to ask?

Apparently it is.
But, as learned from the talks at church, All that we are, we owe to our mother -- so it's all my fault anyway....and we get a special day devoted to reminding us of just that! Which returns me to my original statement. I despise Mother's Day.

This past Mother's Day, on numerous occasions, my girls declared things like; I can't wait until I'm a Mom! It'll be SOOO fun to be a Mom! Ohhh...Mom's are so lucky!
Their reasons? They can get breakfast in bed, a chocolate/caramel dipped pretzel rod as a gift from the church, and the presents - "just like having another birthday," they naively witnessed.

Ohhh....ignorance is BLISS, eh?!?

There. I did it. I finally put my feelings out there. End of rant.

The Stink Eye and a Shake of the Head

You know what really bugs me?

People who are not relatable, at all. Like your "Aunt" who had 19 children (Oh. Hi Michelle Duggar) but then they left home and she forgot all about how it was like to have little ones in the house until YOU came to visit with your small children and she was like, "Don't touch that! Oh, no, not there! That's my expensive china/brand new couch/special blinds. Let's have your kids use this bathroom. Do you always let little Sally talk to you like that? My kids never did that!"

CASE IN POINT:

Last Sunday we were not at home, so we attended church in a different city, a very small city in the middle of nowhere. A BONA FIDE Hick Town, would be exactly accurate. The building itself was probably 100 years old, or more...which most likely played a part in it's poor acoustics. Which is WHY when my daughter started crying OUT LOUD approximately 5.7 seconds after we sat down in the chapel, it was a big problem! Not just a problem because this is my 8-yr. old daughter (when will it stop?), who was crying because she didn't get a seat by her Dad (R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S!) but also a problem because she could be heard all around (and then again a couple of seconds later with the echo in the place! And because the crying was constant, so was the echoing.)

The row behind me stopped their conversation to look
"That's One," I whispered. We now had the row behind me's attention.

She kept at it.

"That's Two," I warned. The people one row back were watching our every move.

She made no effort to stop.

"That's Three. We're going out," I informed her. As I could FEEL the stares of those behind me burning into my back.

This announcement only made her volume increase (which made removing her from the chapel even more necessary) and her resolve to stay put stronger. She didn't move an inch. I put my hand on her arm to guide her out and she resisted with all her might. Still crying - out loud - and now trying to swat away my hand, vocally protesting her "fate."

What a great First Impression we were making on that congregation! They were probably thinking, "Oh no, a new family from h--- just moved in!"

My guiding hand turned into a grab-her-by-the-bicep hand in order to force her out, whether her feet were touching the ground or not.

Once we got to the foyer, all eyes out there were on us to see what was the commotion. Of course, all couches and chairs were taken by others, so I led her up some nearby stairs for her "Time Out." (still crying). Very shortly after that, one of the women who had previously been occupying one of the foyer chairs came walking over and looked up the staircase at us, said nothing, just spied on us. (still crying). I took that as a cue that we were not wanted there, so I moved my daughter around the corner and up the stairs further. Well, this church has an open balcony upstairs that overlooks the "overflow seating" for the Sacrament Meeting down below. I thought maybe while she was "cooling off," I could go stand by the balcony railing and listen/watch the meeting. But, the multiple looks up that I got from those sitting down below in the overflow led me to learn that she could be heard from there, as well. (still crying). Time for PLAN C. I took her back downstairs, passed the spy lady, and walked down the hall looking for a classroom - out of the way - that could buffer her noise/disruption. I turned to look back toward the foyer, and there's spy lady watching my every move, giving me the "stink eye." I found a room for my daughter and put her in it and moved back out to the hall. Well, this created a BIG objection (in the form of louder crying) from my girl, which, in turn, created a BIG look of disapproval from spy lady down the hall. I finally told her that I'd have to shut the door so no one could hear her - and I was one of those who didn't want to listen to crying, so I was going to wait on the other side of the door. To which she reacted by banging on the door after it was closed. Lovely. At this point, spy lady had gotten herself a friend to tell about the "public disgrace" that had come to their church, and they were both standing there, whispering and shaking their heads, while staring us down (well, me since my daughter was out of view, in the room.)

So, there you have it, the Stink Eye and the Shake of the Head from "Ms. Perfect," I'm sure. "Perfect" only because either a) She's never had children (or as many, or with the same circumstances) or b) She can't remember a dang thing about how it really is to have children and she's fooled herself into believing she did it all "right."

Eventually, my daughter DID get herself under control, so she came out of the room and joined me in the hall, where we waited to take the Sacrament before returning to the Chapel (where she was very good the rest of the meeting, sitting between her brother and myself - that kind of behavior doesn't earn her a seat next to Dad!)

But, while we were still standing in the hall waiting, daughter quiet & calm, spy lady had returned to her chair in the foyer, and she had a straight-on view of us. And there she sat, all straight-backed, with good posture, ankles crossed and positioned to the side - like a queen on her throne - that's what she thought she was: The Queen of raising up "perfectly behaved children." Doesn't she know that's an OXYMORON?!? And you know what? She was still looking at us, but this time smiling - not a friendly smile, but a patronizing smile like "Look how cool and composed I am during church sitting here on my throne (never mind that I'm with no children to test me) while you're down there totally uncool, with steam coming out of your ears, and a less than pleasant countenance - and now the subject of our foyer gossip!"

She watched us like that until we left her view and entered back into the Chapel - it's like she was just waiting for us to screw up again - and then as we passed her, she gave us a look like we had real gall to take our "potential disturbance" back into this place of worship.

Well, at least we were IN the meeting instead of out in the hall passing judgement on other less-than-perfects!