The "Calm, Cool, and Collected" Alternative

The other night at Cub Scout Pack Meeting, I saw a tremendous example of parenting/handling a "Spirited Child." ;)  (i.e. fiery, hyper, nervy, catch my drift?)  In the moment, it made me go, "Wow!"  Since then, it has left me thinking about it a lot - I want to be more like her.

There is a boy who attends our cub scout pack meetings (and used to be in my specific den for a short time) who, admittedly, I have kind of tagged as, "difficult."  He happened to be in my daughter's school class, as well, and she says that the teacher/students also have similar impressions of him.  I know, we shouldn't "label."  I have witnessed several things that have influenced my feelings... 
I have seen him throwing temper tantrums to get his way. 
I have observed how he acts with other kids; pushy, aggressive, obnoxious, reckless.
One time, in a different pack meeting, when another boy was being "spotlighted," this particular cub scout stood up and loudly verbalized his disagreement with an accomplishment that had been shared about the spotlighted boy.  During his protest, he was pointing at the kid, face turning red, and then told how he himself was better than the spotlighted boy.  (It was one of those times where I was sitting there thinking, "Oh my word, is THIS really happening?")  
At school, my daughter says how he has these moments where "he's about to explode" and the kids are always trying to do "damage control" to stop or get out of these situations when they're happening.
I know!  Labeling is a no-no.  This is what happens when you're a perceptive, discerning, people-watcher like myself!  I put all the pieces together and come up with a description.  I need a change of attitude; to always think THE BEST of everyone.  But, if the shoe fits..... 

Anyway, back to the pack meeting the other night.  Recently, the cub scout program has all changed.  Our cub committee chairman (who happens to be the above mentioned boy's mother) was standing up front explaining, in an optimistic, enthusiastic way, some of the changes, including the pins that the Webelos scouts earn for finishing their requirements now.  This boy piped up and loudly "informed" us all that the old pins were way cooler than the new pins; that the new pins were, in fact, lame!  He also broadcast in his know-it-all voice that the whole old program, in general, is better than the new one and because of that, he is going to do the old program, still. (implying that anyone who pursues the new program is dumb!) 

When this happened, I got all concerned that the other scouts, especially the younger ones, were going to be swayed by his negative words and not be satisfied with, or worse, despise cub scouts going forward.  
I wanted to put my hand over his mouth so he couldn't say anything else and cause any more wreckage.  
I, instinctively, thought a reprimanding for his public [mis]behavior was in order, as well.  
I wished we could "rewind" that incident and strike it from that Pack Meeting record.

That's because my impulses precede my "calm, cool, & collected" abilities.  (IF I have any!)

But, luckily, our cub committee chairman and his mother has honed her skills in dealing with him.  She calmly waited until he was done with his rant, then she "educated" him.  She plainly stated, "OK, that is an opinion."  And it was HIS opinion.  And other's may have and are welcome to their own opinion; and that the others may really like the new pins, and even think they're, in fact, cooler.  She pointed out that he is very "loyal" to the old program and we can work on becoming more "loyal" to the new program.  

That immediately shushed him.

And then she continued her explanation (because she was interrupted by him before) of some of the details regarding the new pins, including a new feature and symbolism of them which were special and exclusive to the new program.  

To which her son (apparently having "seen the light" now) asked, "Can I get those?"

To which she answered, "No.  You are staying with the old program, remember?"  ;)  hahaha.

ANYWAY, I thought that was so notable!  When my children (or someone else) are argumentative, or opposing, or dispute everything I say, or speaks against whatever it is, INSTEAD OF basically telling them to "keep their trap shut," I can simply point out that what they are saying is "an opinion."
Because it is.  That's ALL it is.  And opinions are not right or wrong.  I like that approach for dealing with the "difficult."  I'm grateful for examples I have out there, and the lesson I learned that evening.

OK.  Practice:
"That is an opinion."
"That is your opinion."   
"Others may have a different opinion."
"That is an opinion."
That is your opinion."
"Others may have a different opinion."
"That is an opinion."

Did you know you have to hear/see/repeat something 7 times before you remember it?!?  ;) 

Out on the Town All by Myself

I was starting to feel the *hate* part of my "Love-Hate Relationship" with Summer Vacation a little too much lately, so.......I've been pondering on a solution.

The part that I *hate* is that all my kids think that they're on vacation - from EVERYTHING!!!  (i.e. getting dressed, general grooming, reading or anything intellectual, sleep routines, eating properly, or basically LIFTING A FINGER TO DO ANYTHING.)

They all have a list of things that they are suppose to do every day, that would take about an hour to 1:15 (depending on how well they are able to stay on task, and how much daily maintenance they're actually doing), BEFORE they are able to do anything else.

So, this is how it's been going.....
They haven't been completing their lists which means they haven't been doing anything.

Here's their mentality:
Oh well, I guess I won't go play with any friends today....because I don't want to do any chores.
I guess I'll miss the Summer "field trips" we've planned....because I don't feel like doing any of my chores.
I guess I won't have any screen time (at least not when mom & dad are watching) today....because I don't like doing chores.
Oh darn, someone invited me to do something fun with them, but I had to say, "No"....because I "forgot" that I should be doing my chores. (wink, wink)

REALLY?!?  Come on, people!  It's ONE HOUR of duty for the rest of the day of freedom!  You can't figure it out?

Apparently not.

So, I came up with a brilliant idea!  And I ran it by Matt, and he agreed.

I announced that from now on, I will be going out for a treat every day after I get off work and get ready (so around noon, after lunch).  Those who have ALL of their check marks done will go with me.  Those who do not, will not.  (And I will do random inspections to verify that it was REALLY done instead of them just "fibbing" their check marks....not that these angels would EVER do that, but I like to be "thorough" ya know.)  {chuckle}
But, no matter what, I am going.

In order to make the Where Should We Go? conundrum easier, I made a list of many choices, with a number beside each one.  Each day, we will roll three dice, add up the sum of all of them, and match that answer up with the corresponding number on our list.  And then that's where I will go that day - and I will continue this every day for the rest of the Summer - the only variable will be WHERE and WHO.  The girls got really excited about this list and started to fantasize about all these places.

Well, evidently, they spent too much time fantasizing (i.e. general poor time management) because on that first day, NO ONE was done with their check list at the appointed time, and I made that first treat run ALL BY MYSELF. (gasp!  I was so surprised! haha).  Luckily, they got their act together and 3 out of the 4 children got to go with me today!

I realize this could get really expensive, really quick - have you heard of "The Latte Factor?" - so I fought my inspiration for a while....

But, desperate times call for desperate measures!

AND, I'm counting on them succombing to their old, usual mentalities sometimes, too, and not getting to go!  
Because I'm kind of fine with going out by myself, too.  
(peace & quiet is needed even more during Summer Vacation!  haha.)  ;) 

Told You So

I have this little sign in my home:

It speaks the plain truth!

(Although no one wants to admit it!)

Case(s) in point:

• My two youngest daughters think it IS ABSURD that I tell them to put their shoes away, WHEN they take them off, in their closet, that it will make their life (& mine) so much easier.  (At least, I'm assuming they think it's absurd since they totally ignore my counsel on this matter.)     AND THEN, they frequently get to experience the mad dash, frantic searching, & whining/tears which comes from not being able to find their shoes - and often still produces no shoes - and results in being late to school, church, & dance lessons.
• Since Friday is "early out" from school and really the only day that works out to play with friends after school, I tell my oldest daughter that she should do all of her reading before school, so she is free to play after.  Well, apparently it's another absurd idea because it's much more fun to just hang around doing nothing before school!       AND THEN, she has this one friend who seriously calls to play THE MINUTE she walks in the door from school.  And guess what?!?  She can't play since her reading is not done.  This is followed by MUCH weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
• My friend's daughter's basketball team had a couple players get injured and they were now short on players and asked about my daughter playing with them.  When I mentioned it to her, she protested, I don't want to play!  I told her it would be fun and she would be good - she's quite tall, after all.  Her sports lovin' older brother actually told her she didn't have a choice, that she WOULD play ball!  ;)  She went out in the garage to practice dribbling, and she tripped over some boards and fell down, so she shouted/cried at me, You should've never gotten me into this!  I told her not to trip on boards - there wouldn't be any on a real basketball court - and that she needs to try it and she would have a good time.     AND THEN, she did go play in the basketball game.  She was all smiles whenever she looked at us in the "stands" and beaming afterwards.  Her first words to me at the end of the game?  "I want to sign up to play basketball next year!!"
•  I tell my family to keep their elbows off the table.  They think I'm being too proper, that I'm obsessed with "old school" manners in our own home.     AND THEN, we average 9.2 spills a week.
• I function by the "A place for everything and everything in it's place" idea and like to tell my family members this quote. NO ONE else in my home buys into this.  Why would they?  It's SO MUCH easier to just drop things along the way without paying any attention.    AND THEN, *someone's* wallet is ALWAYS missing (along with all their money!) when they need to go somewhere with it.
• I've suggested an "after school routine" for my very distractable, can't-remember-what-she's-doing-when-she-walks-from-one-room-to-the-next daughter.  It goes like this:

4:00 Arrive Home

4-4:15 After school snack

4:15-4:30  ONE page of assigned homework

4:30-4:50 Practice piano

4:50-5:10 Read

So, by 5:15, she is DONE with EVERYTHING, and FREE to do whatever she wants until bedtime!!! 

She has chosen NOT to adhere to this whatsoever UP UNTIL last week (when we had to have a "duct tape intervention."  Meaning we took all 23 rolls away from her until she could go a week demonstrating responsibility & initiative.)  So, she follows the schedule, and she discovers what "free time" with no checking up from parents feels like - what a novel idea!!!  And she says to me, "This is so great!  Why haven't I been doing this all along?!?"

• But, probably THE BIGGEST "I told you so" incidences that's been on my mind [almost constantly] this week has something to do with the fact that after being a 3 car family for just a mere 5 1/2 weeks, we are back to being a 2 car family.  This is a result of our 3rd car now being deemed "undriveable" due to its extensive damage it has sustained by it's *driver* who was driving it in a way that was contrary to the ways I had always told them to drive!  Let alone, what really COULD HAVE happened to the *driver* if they weren't so lucky blessed to come out unharmed - at least physically!!!  But, what do I know?  I grew up in the 80's!  (*that person's* favorite line to say to me.)  As if "defensive driving" was ONLY applicable when I was in my youth!?!  

 Grrrrrr!
What do they say?  You learn 20% of what your hear, but 80% of what you experience.  You have to experience it to learn it.

And then it still comes back to this:

Brace Yourself: My Sewing Machine was Put to Use Twice in a Week

The first time was last weekend.

And THEN I used it again just now!  (I know!  Amazing!)

To sew THESE all on:

{Interesting note about that chair the sash is on.....in the store, the chair looked just about the same color as that scout sash.  And then we got it home, and it was NOT.
You can see how much of a difference the colors are in that picture.}

BACK TO MY SEWING.....
In the exhibit above, if you'll count, you'll discover that there are 21 merit badges......

Which means what?

I'll tell you.

It just so happens to be the [minimum] amount one needs to earn the Eagle rank.

And if you look closer, you'll notice (or not if you're non-scout oriented) amongst those 21, includes all 12 of the "required" ones to become an Eagle Scout, too.

{When I first bought this sash way back when, it was so long that I had to fold, tuck, and pin it to fit the boy....

now we've had to let it all down.  He done went and growed up!}

Which means what?

I GUESS HE FINALLY WANTED TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE!?!?! 

{We set forth a rule.  A driver's license comes after you get your Eagle.}

How else will we know our children are responsible enough?  Mature enough?  Accountable enough? to get behind the wheel of a car.  (We decided this is one way to know.)

So then, this was the scene in our Living Room during the month of October....

.....while he was doing his Eagle PROJECT.  

Since we don't even have any furniture in there, yet, there was plenty of room for boxes, bags, & Bambi to take over the room!  ;)

For his project, he collected new & gently used DVDs for a Children' Hospital.
He got the brilliant idea from yours truly....who had heard something similar in the past from a friend.... 
But, on Haylee & I's most recent visit to the hospital, it was brought to my remembrance how much it is needed!  Haylee, at age 11, was finally to the point where she did very well during that particular visit, but as I watched all the other toddler-aged children (and their parents) around me struggling, my own past "nightmare" hospital/Dr. appts episodes came back to me.....I knew then that the hospital experience wouldn't work without all the various donations they receive (from dolls, to markers, to books, to crafts, to DVDs.)

So, the DVD drive was born.

THANK YOU to everyone who donated!

 The day came when he was able to deliver them to the hospital.  He ended up with over 240 DVDs to donate!

He felt pretty darn good about it that day.  I don't know if it had more to do with the good, warm, fuzzy feeling you get from helping/serving others OR if he was just SO GLAD/RELIEVED/EXCITED he was finally done!  (Got-the-monkey-off-his-back type thing.)

Congratulations, Ryan!

You were a part of history in the making!  You gave me a reason to get my sewing machine out...TWICE in the same week! 

******
But, can I just say it was a royal pain in the butt to STICK TO OUR GUNS of not letting him have his driver's license until he got his Eagle.  Because it was sooo inconvenient for me to drive him everywhere!  So, then I stopped doing that after a "grace period."  And then it was just plain inconvenient for me not to have an extra driver to help me out!
I don't know if he even learned anything from the consequence of not having a driver's license until age 17 1/2.......except that I AM SERIOUS.  I am a [wo]man of my word!

Hopefully, Kyle has watched & learned!

hopefully.

Anti-Girly Girl

I was SOOOO excited to finally get my first girl when Haylee was born 11 1/2 years ago.  There was WAY TOO MUCH testosterone floating around our home and I was the lone female in the middle of it up until  that time.

Yes.  She is a girl.  As in female.  But, by NO MEANS is she "girly."  In fact, she is turned off by all girlyness.

(although, like all three of my daughters, she DID go through a "dresses only" wearing stage around age 3.)

She still can not believe she wore them.

But I've got proof!  ;)

But that was THEN, this is NOW:

She STILL has never worn the pink jeans I gave her as a Christmas gift last year.

She NEVER wants to get her ears pierced.

She hopes she remains relatively {ahem} "flat."

I know she is like this.  But this latest thing she did really left me shaking my head, dumbfounded.

One thing she for sure is decided about is that she doesn't like to wear make up!  In fact, she has REFUSED - even for her dance recitals when it was strongly recommended by her teacher.

Case in point:

 And this was taken in the darkened auditorium....BUT the stage lights really wash the color out of their faces even more.

Here's one where you can see the comparison to her sister, who is 2 1/2 years younger, and is pleased to wear it, but not Haylee.

But that was like 4 years ago - she quit dance, too - it wasn't worth the fight.....AGAIN, it was too "girly".....she had to wear tights and stuff!!

So, most recently.....like yesterday, Haylee had decided she wanted to dress up like a "Hobo" for Halloween.  She was asking me what we would need to pull this costume together.  I told her we could put brown make up on her face to make her look dirty.

"WHAT?!?" she shrieked.

"Yeah, they have dirty faces.  It's just dressing up - a disguise - it's not who you REALLY are."  I tried to reason.  (Tried being the operative word there.)

"NO WAY!!" she protested.

"Then you won't even look like a Hobo," I informed her.

"Why can't I just put REAL dirt on my face?" she challenged back.

{huh?}  Me, silent, mouth open, trying to make sense of that.

"I can get some dirt right in our back yard!" she pleaded her case.

"So, you would rather rub your face in DIRT than wear make up?" I inquired.

"HECK YEAH!" she grinned.

{WHATEVER!!!}

So, that's exactly what she did.  She went and got dirt out of our still-flowerless-flower beds and applied it onto her face!

Complete with a little {real} dirt clod stuck to the side of her nose there.

AND....she just didn't "quite feel like" changing back into her regular clothes after the Halloween parade that she had taken to school .....so she just spent the rest of the school day in her very holey hobo jeans!!

I guess the "suitable" jeans she had packed were too "girly" after she got a taste of the grungy...?!?

My "Theory" has been Proven RIGHT

Our doorbell rang last night while I was kneeling at Katelyn's bed with her, listening to her bedtime prayer.  She went on a little bit longer, so I couldn't make it to answer the door for a couple of minutes.....
 
Maybe it was a Good Thing, because when I DID answer the door, NO ONE was there, but, instead, this "Mountain Dew display" was arranged on our front porch.  My extra delay in getting to the door, obviously gave the "culprit" plenty of getaway time!

A closer look:

CODE RED is Red...    VOLTAGE is Blue...

Will you "DEW" me the honor....

of going to MORP with you?!

The 10 cans of [red & blue] Mountain Dew lined up in the front each had a letter written with black marker on the bottom of the can......

Put them all in order, and it spelled the girl's first & last name!  (I didn't show that photo to protect the privacy of the innocent - from the TWO people who read this blog.  Hi, Mom & Dad!)

Ryan actually wasn't home at the time, so I just went out there and took all the photos, but left it all there for when he came home a few hours later.  IF the "Special Delivery Person" was still hiding somewhere on the street or nearby, they probably watched me taking all the pictures on the front porch like a dork - I hope they were entertained!  :)

ANYWAY, as exciting as getting asked to the dance is, my main point of the post is THIS:  My teenaged son might finally BELIEVE me!

Back in the Fall, when Homecoming Dance (boy's choice) was coming up, Ryan hemmed & hawed about whether or not he was going to go.  The longer he took to decide, the closer the dance was coming, and it was nearing the point when it would be too late to ask anyone.  He didn't know WHO to ask - so I gave him suggestions.  Some of them were "off limits" since they were "so and so's girl" or they'd already been asked.  As far as the other girls, he worried that THEY wouldn't want to go with HIM.  He said he wasn't going to go.  Then he decided he wanted to go.  He even used my [unknown number] cell phone to "investigate" with some other students to find out if certain girls had been asked or not yet.......THAT texting conversation was INTERESTING to read after I got my phone back.  He found someone he was going to ask......but then he talked himself out of it.  I tried to clue him in to the FACT that girls DO NOT like it when the boys WILL NOT ask anyone to the dance, because that means all the more girls won't have to opportunity to go at all.  I told him the girls would be MAD at him for just sitting home instead.  I tried to emphasize to him that the consequences of his choice NOT to ask anyone would be that, in turn, girls would NOT want to ask him to a dance.  As his mom, I had to give him the facts:  THAT is how it IS and he was making a mistake.

He thought I didn't know what I was talking about!  (After all, I've never been a teenage girl???!!???)   He claimed it was just another one of my crazy "theories" that I was using on him to get him to do what I wanted.  I told him I KNEW.  I was one of those mad girls myself before....but he thinks I'm just an anomaly, so what I experienced can't possibly be applied to the normal female population in general.  So, in the end, he DID NOT go to the Homecoming Dance.

And the day after the dance when he started hearing from all his peers who did go, he WISHED HE WOULD'VE.  He regretted not going.  (What did I tell him?)

And then come December, the next school dance was scheduled....he did not get asked to the Girl's Choice Christmas Dance.  (surprise, surprise.)  Yet, he would still not recognize - or admit - that "Mother knows best."  He came up with other excuses for being "passed up" - none of which was accepting it was a direct result of him not asking anyone a few months earlier.

Because he was sorry he missed out on Homecoming, I informed him that I was not going to let him chicken out of the next boys' choice dance, Valentine's Dance.  He said he wanted to go.  I told him if he had not asked someone by (such & such date), I was going to PICK the girl myself and ask her for him.  He actually replied, "Oh, Thanks.  That would really take a load off!"  He ended up taking care of asking a girl before the deadline, so he did not need my "services" after all.  :)  As recorded in my last post, he actually went on the date last Saturday.  Good job!  He had redeemed himself in the eyes of High School girls.

AND THEN just 5 DAYS LATER, by way of a year's supply of Mountain Dew, a girl asked him to the next Girl's Choice dance (which is in 4 1/2 weeks).

COINCIDENCE?!?

I think (know) not! 

And Ryan [privately] concurs, too.   

{smile}

Behavior Assessment

It's time for the annual IEP at school for my daughter.  The school psychologist called me and said the last Social History and Behavior Assessment they have on file was done almost 8 years ago, when my daughter was just 3 yrs. old, so she wanted to send home a bazillion forms for me to fill out again in order to "update" her file.  I just got done filling out several Behavior Assessment forms.
I was laughing out loud at some of the phrases it uses to describe how children may act.
(I was supposed to respond with "Never," "Sometimes," Often," or "Almost always")  
Eats things that are not food
Fiddles with things while at meals
Breaks the rules just to see what will happen
Sets fires
Argues when denied own way  (don't all children?  Don't they?  You DO KNOW what I'm talking about, right?!?  Hello?  Anybody there?)
Volunteers to help clean up around the house  (BAA HAA HAA hahaha!  You understand WHY I am laughing on this one, too, right?  Yoo Hoo!  Where did everybody go?!?)
Sleeps with parents
Vomits - could this be due to eating things that are not food?


Then I started to wonder......

What if the tables were turned?  

What if some psychologist asked one [or all] of my children to fill out this form ABOUT ME?

I'm afraid I would not "pass" the test.  They would rate me with the "Almost Always" on many of them.

For example:

Eats too much

Is easily annoyed by others - especially children who act like wild animals, swinging from the chandelier while choking another sibling, calling names, throwing balls & consequently breaking something, and spilling beverages all within a 5 min. time frame.

Does strange things

Is unable to slow down - especially when we were suppose to be out the door 10 min. ago and there's still 7 unfound "neccesary" items to get....and girls' hair to be brushed.

Babbles to self

Will change direction to avoid having to greet someone - especially when a "long winded" person is spotted and we are suppose to be somewhere else [across town] in 15 min. and we still have to stand in the check out line.

Acts confused

Avoids competing with other children - especially in games of Chess & Super Mario.

Acts out of control

Repeats one thought over & over - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Speaks in short phrases that are hard to understand - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Is unclear when presenting ideas - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Says, "Nobody understands me"  (as a result of above 3???)

Annoys others on purpose - like turning off the T.V. when NO Saturday jobs have been done.....because that has been the rule for the last 45 years!

Seems out of touch with reality - like not letting children watch T.V. when they've done NOTHING to contribute to the family/home yet that day!  Geez!

Is overly active - like cleaning up the kitchen RIGHT after dinner while everyone else's main goal is to just go "hide" in the basement and/or lay on the couch....and repeatedly trying to convince others to be likewise "active" at this time for some reason.

Acts as if other children are not there - especially when we interrupt her when she is on talking on the phone.

Sneaks around - especially when she attempts to go use the bathroom.

Has trouble fastening buttons on clothing - especially after a 10+ lb. gain!

Hears sounds that are not there - like big, loud crashing noises.  When she calls out, "What was THAT?!" we always are telling her, "NOTHING!"

Stares blankly - especially following a less-than-5-hrs.-of-sleep night(s), or when her children say things like, "We shouldn't have to do any chores."

Says things that make no sense - like, "We are a family.  That means EACH person is a helpful, contributing member of our family."

Sees things that are not there - like "messes" on the stairs, couches, in the mudroom and our bedrooms.

Falls down - it has NOTHING to do with the junk left on the stairs or floor....just her own clumsiness!

Runs away from home - at least she fantasizes about it sometimes!

Acts strangely

Yep, that'd be a dangerous thing for them to fill out the assessment - I'm pretty sure my children would "throw me under the bus" and I'd definitely be referred to psychiatric treatment based on my "behaviors."  :)

If It's Not "On the House" -- I Don't Want It

I think when Ryan decided to go to Prom, he thought the only cost involved would be buying the actual tickets to the dance.  ($20.00 - which he's already complained to me about being too high.)  After all, he just barely became "dating eligible" with his recent 16th birthday, so he's never even been to a school dance before.  And, frankly, he doesn't spend his "thinking time" thinking about things like the logistics of PROM -- there's way too many sports stats to fill up that time with!  :)

It would be an understatement to say that Ryan has been BLOWN AWAY with the total expense associated with PROM.

And because "entertainment" is one of the categories that our children are responsible for funding themselves (they all have opportunities to earn money, IF THEY CHOOSE), it's been quite fun to watch, and SO GOOD for him to experience how to spend his money - which will surely aid him in his maturity.

Wanting to go to PROM, but NOT wanting the financial obligation, he asked me (accused) if I paid for my own [Girls' Choice] High School dances that I went to.

Of Course.

It was MY date.  Who else would pay for MY date.  Did he think my parents would?  HOW EMBARRASSING for your parents to pay for YOUR dates!!!
{He silently agreed.}
But that didn't stop him from going to his Dad with the same question:
Dad, did YOU pay for your PROM dates?
Uhhhhh.....errrr....uhhhhh....ummm....I...can't...remember...
(We all laughed our heads off at his response....and his attempt in trying not to look like a loser!)

So, I told him he needed to rent a tuxedo.
He asked how much that would cost.
I said, Let's google it.
Google told us it could run about $90.00.
Ryan, who knows he footin' the bill, said he didn't need to wear a tux.
I told him HE WAS GOING TO PROM.  And PROM = TUX!
He thought wearing his regular church suit would be just fine.
I told him it would be fine IF he was going to the Homecoming dance, but THIS IS PROM!
I even polled my Young Women at church, and they want their dates to wear a tux - this "proof" helped a little.
Then he came up with the idea to just wear his Tuxedo shirt, bow tie, and cumberband with just regular black dress pants that he had to wear in his Percussion performances last year.
I asked him when's the last time he'd actually worn that shirt.
About a year ago.
Fuhgget about it!  (He's most definitely grown since then!)
We found a website online that has an interactive "Customize Your Own Tux" program.  I set Ryan up on that and he found "the look" he liked the best.

    Pink Tuxedo Shirt

Shiny Silver Vest & Hankie 

White Jacket with Black Trim

Black Tux Pants (with striping) 

Black & White Shiny "Tux" Shoes

And then we went to the Tuxedo Rental Shoppe.

They didn't even carry pink tuxedo shirts - you have to special order them for $25.00

The Hankie and the shoes are not included with the tux rental - the hankie is an extra $4.00 on top of the tux rental.

The white jacket with black trim is considered a "speciality" tux -- with a 300% price increase over the lowest-priced all black jacket.

The black & white shoes were $18.00 vs. all black shoes for $12.00.  (He tried telling me he could wear his regular black shoes he had at home - nope!  They are NOT "tux quality.")

But, Good News! There was no price difference on black pants with or without striping.

Ryan quickly change "his taste" in tuxes.

(Although, if I were paying, I'm sure he would just "have to have" that first choice!)

He decided on this one:

 {the most conservatively priced tux}

But, we did find out, had we ordered MORE THAN a week in advance, we could've gotten a $20.00 discount instead of the $10.00 one we did receive.  Lesson learned for next time.

Then I told him he had to get her a corsage.

He replied, They better not cost more than $10.00.

Oh, They will!  I informed him. 

{groan}

Why can't I just pick her a flower from our yard?

#1  We don't have any decent ones in our yard.  #2  THIS IS PROM - and she'll be getting you a boutonniere! 

Why can't I just tell her, you don't get me one, and I won't get you one? 

THIS IS PROM - she needs a corsage. 

While grocery shopping at Harmon's this week, I noticed they have a good-sized floral dept. and there was a lady there, so I went up to her and asked if they did corsages, by chance.

They do!

And there are different "levels" of corsages.

 A wrist corsage with an elastic band.

 A wrist corsage with a crystal beads bracelet look.

 And a wrist corsage with rhinestones as the bracelet. 

Which all increased in price as the wrist band got fancier.

I reported this all to Ryan when he came home....he didn't even know what crystals and rhinestones were!

I'm going with the regular elastic band, he immediately decided.

He's also been combing the newspaper ads for coupons to the "Get Air" Trampoline Park they are going to as part of the leading-up-to-PROM activities.

And they're doing a progressive dinner at three different boys' houses to avoid a high restaurant bill....although Ryan's dream is to go to Ruth's Chris for PROM....and have someone else pay for it, of course!

One of the boy's sisters is a "budding photographer," so she is taking them on location for their PROM pictures.  They'll be better and less expensive than getting pictures at the PROM venue anyways.  

 IT'S SO INTERESTING HOW YOUR "NEEDS" CHANGE WHEN YOU GET TO FORK OVER THE CASH YOURSELF!!!

:)

*As a sidenote....according to Wikipedia, ( I had to refer Ryan to the Internet again - it has more clout than I these days!) Prom expectations/traditions ARE everything I was telling him, but it also sited an interesting (& disturbing) fact:  The cost of prom in the United States in 2012 averages $1078 per family.  
WHAT?!?  Obviously, the "United States" is very different from Utah.  That gives Ryan something else to be grateful for!

Knock On Wood

Just about 2 weeks ago, I had included on my "This Week's Gratitude List" sidebar feature this blessing:

"Grocery Shopping with Brookelle is NOT BAD!"

Seriously. I was feeling quite grateful for this because that is very rare for my toddlers!
But, Brookelle will ask me, "Can we go to the store today?"
And then while we're there, she amuses and amazes me with things she says in her little, sweet sounding voice.
She either sits in the cart seat or pushes her own mini cart, if available - and stays right by me.
Most always she "earns" a treat for her good behavior.
Recently, when seeing/hearing another child having a tantrum in the store, I actually thought, "I'm so glad we're past THAT!"

{Big Mistake. BIG. HUGE!} (Name that movie)

Because THEN....

Then enter yesterday.

I don't know what was wrong with her. (Even talking about it later with her, she can't identify/express it.)
She started crying when I didn't turn down certain aisles/paths.
She wasn't staying by me (because she would stop and refuse to proceed if I didn't come back and take "her" path.)
She sat down on the floor by her mini cart and pouted, and wouldn't move.
She was screaming, "BUT MM-AAHHH-MM!" when I told her to stand up and kept walking myself.
Then she was crying, and crying, and crying -- out loud.
I told her she would have to sit in my cart and ditch the mini cart if she didn't stop.
Which made her cry more. And protest. And stay put where she was 20 feet away from me.
I told her she wasn't earning her treat.
Which made her cry/whine, "But, I WAAAANT it!"
This ridiculousness was taking way to long to shop.
So, I walked back to where she was to pick her up and put her in my cart.
She pulled the "slippery snake" manuever and I couldn't get a hold of her.
So, I grabbed her hand and pulled her over. Well, she tried to wrangle her hand free of me, too, so I was left with just the tip of her two longest fingers -- which she screamed I was holding "too tight!"
Do you think she let me put her in the cart all nice and neat? OH NO!
There was much flailing of arms and legs, weeping and wailing & gnashing of teeth.
I could not get her feet/legs to go through those darn openings - for the first three tries - in the midst of which her bum hit another part of the cart and then she started to CRY louder about that.
I then had to start emptying out the groceries from her mini cart into my main cart.
I came across the the package of cherry nibs that she was planning on for her treat, and so I took it out of the mini cart and put it on a grocery shelf and stated, "We're not getting this."
To which she cried/screamed, "Yes, Yes!"
I replied, "NO WAY."
All the while she is crying.
{Can you picture this whole [familiar] scene? It IS familiar, right? Right?!? Hello? tap, tap. Is this thing on?}

And THEN....

And then I heard a male voice come from behind me, "Stop being mean." It was without emotion, not angry, not excited - just FLAT, "Stop being mean."
I almost started to smile as I turned around to see who it was because I thought it humorous that someone was talking to Miss B about her misbehavior.
I was expecting to see either:
1) Someone I knew
or
2) One of those good-intentioned, chatty adults, who frequently make comments to my little ones or myself when we're out and about, stopped and ready to try their "tricks" to make her happy.
Instead I saw no one stopped behind me.
I only saw a man with white hair and a white beard walking right by with his own cart, looking straight forward the whole time, ignoring us - like purposely trying NOT to look at us.
I was pretty sure it was him!
And then I realized, it had not been a sarcastic/joking statement made to Miss B. He had directed his comment AT ME!

So, now I've got strangers telling me I'm mean.
But, not to my face, just behind my back.
Because I don't give candy rewards to little girls who act like a rascal. (I don't know how much of the series of events he saw, but I'm assuming he just saw the last taking-away-candy episode.)
And also because that stranger is mistaken on the point at which his business stops and someone else's business begins!
If he wants to grow a long white beard - and keep it white, even though HE DOESN'T ACT LIKE Santa Claus = HIS BUSINESS
If I want to take away privileges from my child who didn't earn them = MY BUSINESS
If he wants to shop at a store in an area that is heavily populated with children - who could be prone to crying = HIS BUSINESS
If I want to go straight home after that and completely bag the other four errands I had intended to do that day because I felt like crap after his comment, and just put my cranky daughter to bed [amidst more fighting/objections from her] instead = MY BUSINESS

May I retract my previous statement from my "Gratitude List" now?

The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same

While going through a [bottom] desk drawer, I came upon these "Behavior Modification" Charts we used with the kids approximately six (maybe more) years ago. Their ages back then would've been Haylee - 3, Kyle - 5 1/2, Ryan - 9.

The "program" was designed to reward good behaviors by giving "points" every time they demonstrated that particular good behavior. We also had a corresponding Rewards Chart [not found in above mentioned drawer] with a list of a bunch of privileges along with the number of points required to EARN that privilege. As soon as they had enough points, they could do/get whatever.

The good behaviors listed on their charts were actually behaviors that we felt the children were struggling with. (Blunt explanation: they were ACTING THE OPPOSITE most of the time!!) So, basically, they had to REALLY try HARD to get points since these went against their natural tendencies.

Check out what behaviors we were working on (at the time, only the oldest 3 were involved with doing this - Miss B wasn't even thought of yet, and Katelyn was still an angel infant!) :)


Ryan's List (in case you can't see it): Think Before Acting, Jobs Without Reminding, Encourage Others, Bedtime, Kind & Pleasant to Brother and Sisters, Answer/Listen to Mom & Dad The FIRST Time, Finish Task Without Being Called Back or Reminded, Make it to Bed ON TIME Without Reminders.

Kyle's List: Say Please & Thank You, Be Honest, Listen, Talk It Over.


Haylee's List: Share & Take Turns, Use Kind Words/Voice, Cooperate w/ Hair, Dressing, Potty, Keep Hands to Self, Say "YES" to Mom and Dad, Nice Hands, Soft Hands, "No Crying, No Whining", Pick up Toys.

The thing that cracked me up when I saw these was that 6+ years later, at ages 9 1/2, 12, and 15 1/2....THEY STILL HAVE THESE SAME STRUGGLES....just in a more grown up version.

My parenting techniques are super AWESOME and EFFECTIVE, eh?!?

And, on the same subject, Matt recently found some cards/letters/love notes that we had written to each other over the years and he wanted me to read them. I was reading one he'd written to me while we were engaged - it was just a few weeks before our wedding date - August 1994. Here's an excerpt:
"...I am trying my best to get rid of one of my biggest weaknesses - Procrastination. Be patient with me, hon..."

Did I mention that our Camry didn't pass the emissions test when Matt took it in on 9/29? It had to be registered by the end of September. In order to pass and be legally registered, the Camry would need a new catalytic converter thing-a-ma-bob....BEFORE the end of the month.

:)

Did you also know that if someone were to make a "Behavior Modification" chart for me,
"BE PATIENT" would be on the list? (with below average points earned!)

Yep, the more things change, the more they stay the same!

A Question of Scruples

I just got a phone call from my Jr. High son.

He asked me if I would check him out for 6th period. There is a big 100 pt. Shakespeare passage memorization assignment due today.

And he admitted to me he's not ready.

I replied, "That's sad for you."

"So, will you check me out?"

"And the reason is..........?"

"So I can have the weekend to memorize it. I need more time. It's worth 100 points!"

I let this sink in as visions... of his midterm grade report dated one week ago that had a "reminder" from his teacher about this project/due date, of my son going to the school basketball game and participating in the "dance off" at halftime yesterday, of him sitting at the kitchen table last night leisurely eating an ice cream bar, and of him waking up early to go play "pick up ball" at the church with a bunch of guys this morning ...danced around in my head.

"It looks like you have 1 hour and 10 minutes to polish off that memorization!"

"All the other parents are checking out their kids!"
{Has he not figured it out by now that I am NOT "all the other parents"?!!?}

"I will not be dishonest."

{silence}

To which he eventually, yet dejectedly, (and very commendably) answered, "I understand."

But, I give him an A+ for his nerve/boldness/spunk to even dare to present me with such a proposal! ;)

Did I mention it counted as 100 pts. towards their grade?!? ***And that grades NOW COUNT ~ and will be forever on his High School transcripts!!***

But, to "all those other parents" I say, "SHAME ON THEM!"

Anyway -- What would you do? (Now that I have so straight-forwardly stated my opinion!) :)
[Click off Google Reader and tell me!] :)
*****

I sent the English Teacher a quick email letting her know that "word on the street" was that her 9th grade English classes' attendance would (not coincidentally) be down today, but that my son should be there. And that her consideration of all the students' honestly would be appreciated.

*****

And while we're on the subject of honesty....How ironic is this:

I had a bunch of these juice pouches in my fridge

{notice the name}

We have a rule about snacks -- you have to ASK if you can have one, it's not a "free reign of the pantry/fridge/storage room" system in our home. (Or else we'd literally have empty shelves and full tummies come dinnertime!)

I found the [once full of 8 pouches] box in the fridge today -- completely empty. And there was no asking or permission granted in the last little while. Obviously, the product's name is misleading. Consumption of this juice does not guarantee results! (unfortunately)