Mother's Day has come and gone two previous times ('09 and '10) since I've had my blog and, though I've had many feelings & words that I could've shared and written, I did not. Every year, I thought about writing a "Mother's Day" post - I wanted to - but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. So far, I've always told myself, maybe next year. If this was my private journal, I'd have no problem writing it, but since others read it, this was one area I felt like I'd have to "edit" my true thoughts since it would surely bring judgement, disapproval, and loss-of-brownie-points (so to speak) from my readers.
Well, No more! THIS year is the year.
I've decided, IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.....
**Stop reading now if you only likefull of Malarkey beautiful, flowery, "THE BEST", favorable, uplifting accounts/opinions of Mother's Day. There are other blogs out there like that ~ which adds to my GUILT. (You've been warned.)**
The Reason? I despise Mother's Day.
There. I said it. It's the truth.
I guess I could end my post there, that about sums it up, but I'm NOT a gal of few words! :)
I LAUGH that it's even considered a "HOLIDAY." I KNOW that Motherhood is a thankless job, but I'm bugged that we PRETEND to "celebrate" Mothers when, instead, it makes us feel worse. Let's. just. don't.
Each year, I start to get anxious about it the week of Mother's Day. The dread starts to set in. And on Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I can see a definite mood change in me. It shifts to the LOUSY end of the spectrum.
Mother's Day comes and I FEEL: Angry, Depressed, Guilty, Disappointed, Unacceptable, Discouraged, Inadequate, Under appreciated, a "lowlife", Unpleasant, Lacking, Self-Loathing.....a failure.
(And what's to LIKE about all of THAT?!?)
It used to start by me watching Talk Shows, Documentaries, or News Programs on T.V. the week leading up to Mother's Day, that would highlight certain mothers. People in America (family & friends) were "nominating" mothers who they believed were WONDERFUL and then these programs were telling her story, broadcasting a Tribute to the "winning" mothers. Well, of course, I was never featured on one of these shows (surprise, surprise) but it was obvious why -- I wasn't anything like those WONDERFUL mothers. There were stories of mothers taking in MANY Foster children or handicapped children into her loving home and giving them a great life. There were stories of mothers who died, and so then the oldest sister became the "Mom" and sacrificed and raised all the younger siblings. There were stories of mothers who literally saved the lives of her children in dramatic [physical, emotional, spiritual] ways. And there were stories of mothers who had "defied all odds" and survived abusive situations/terminal illness/financial destitution and mothered all on her own and raised delightful, successful children. Etc, etc, etc.
Tears would just be running down my face as I watched these shows because, YES, I was touched by those mothers' stories. BUT, at the same time, I knew that I didn't do ANY of those things myself....which blatantly brings to my attention: I am NOT a wonderful mother.
I finally quit watching those shows - it was too much torture for me.
Then there is church. The Sacrament Meeting talks are killers. I do acknowledge the tough job the Bishop has to creating a meeting that doesn't leave anyone out or make them feel bad. It seems in recent years, they have tried to select the speakers carefully (someone who is male or not a mother yet, so it doesn't ruin a woman's day even further by having to speak) but the content of the talk cannot always be controlled.
This one is THE WORST that I hear from the pulpit- it gets to me THE MOST:
My Mother NEVER yelled at her children [insert me slouching down lower in my pew as I think, Oh, I'm really good at it!]
But then there's also these:
My Mother was ALWAYS there for us - she came to every game/concert/recital/School Field Trip I ever had.
My Mother raised $1,500,000 for the American Cancer Society
My Mother taught me how to cook, sew, cut hair, do yoga, farm, change the oil on the car, can, start a business, paint, read by age 3, compose music, invest money, drive a stick shift, build a campfire, and WORK.
And then all the prayers in church are all "We're so thankful for our sweet, dear, kind mothers and women in our life. Please let them know how valuable, special, and priceless they are. Help us to give them the honor and respect they so deserve."
They seem too mushy and phony to me....those were the words I hear, but here's the actions I see: My Brood is still on the pew wiggling around, crying, complaining, kicking me....and then when it's time for the Primary Children to go up and sing to their mothers, I'll have one who will REFUSE to go up, or if they do go up, they stand up there without singing, sometimes hiding behind someone taller, or just laughing through the whole thing. NICE!
I know of some women who have quit going to church on Mother's Day. Although I always choose to go, I can actually understand their choice.
I also resent how my family spends all Saturday NIGHT (as if it's an afterthought) scrambling trying to get stuff for Mother's Day, which makes it so 1) We can't go out and do anything and 2) They're not able to find everything/anything at the last minute. It's sure a "testament" to how special they feel I am!
On Sunday morning, I'm the first one awake, thanks to my littlest one verbally requesting a diaper change from us. Everyone else is enjoying snoozing in late on Mother's Day. What is wrong with this picture? I ask myself. Even though I am starving, I don't eat because the kids might bring me breakfast in bed. So, I wait....all the while wondering if we're going to be able to get ready for church in time. When the Brood does gather in the kitchen to put their collective efforts together for my Mother's Day breakfast, arguing/crying/tormenting/complaining ensues. And I hear, no less than 10X in the background, their father saying, "SSHHHH....Stop that, don't do that - it's Mother's Day!"
After church, I'm told to go in my room and "relax" - even take a nap and they'll take care of dinner. Only, that's kind of hard considering my door keeps opening by different members of my family (the adult & children alike) asking:
What do you want for dinner?
Where is the salt?
Do we have any lemon extract?
Can I used the limes in the fridge?
Are you going to make the rolls?
What are the measurements for Ranch dressing?
If it says "3 lemons" - does that mean 3 slices of lemon or 3 whole lemons?
How do you bake a baked potato?
What does "boil" mean?
Their preparation, knowledge, & skills make for a very "restful" afternoon for me, let me tell ya!
Everyone in the world TRIES to be all nice & lovey, but I think it feels FAKE.
For Example:
There's the obligatory Mother's Day phone call with my mother, when we hardly ever call each other on any regular day.
There's the Mother's Day "coupons" I get from my children, but when I try to "redeem" one, they are unwilling and resist. (I have dozens of these unused, null & void coupons)
I've witnessed that my husband and his brothers always give their Mom a hug and say "I love you" on Mother's Day, but they do not do that at any other time of the year.
The thing I want most for Mother's Day is for my family to do their jobs, be happy, obedient, & agreeable, don't fight, and to be on time to church ~ at least for that one day.
Well, No more! THIS year is the year.
I've decided, IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.....
**Stop reading now if you only like
The Reason? I despise Mother's Day.
There. I said it. It's the truth.
I guess I could end my post there, that about sums it up, but I'm NOT a gal of few words! :)
I LAUGH that it's even considered a "HOLIDAY." I KNOW that Motherhood is a thankless job, but I'm bugged that we PRETEND to "celebrate" Mothers when, instead, it makes us feel worse. Let's. just. don't.
Each year, I start to get anxious about it the week of Mother's Day. The dread starts to set in. And on Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I can see a definite mood change in me. It shifts to the LOUSY end of the spectrum.
Mother's Day comes and I FEEL: Angry, Depressed, Guilty, Disappointed, Unacceptable, Discouraged, Inadequate, Under appreciated, a "lowlife", Unpleasant, Lacking, Self-Loathing.....a failure.
(And what's to LIKE about all of THAT?!?)
It used to start by me watching Talk Shows, Documentaries, or News Programs on T.V. the week leading up to Mother's Day, that would highlight certain mothers. People in America (family & friends) were "nominating" mothers who they believed were WONDERFUL and then these programs were telling her story, broadcasting a Tribute to the "winning" mothers. Well, of course, I was never featured on one of these shows (surprise, surprise) but it was obvious why -- I wasn't anything like those WONDERFUL mothers. There were stories of mothers taking in MANY Foster children or handicapped children into her loving home and giving them a great life. There were stories of mothers who died, and so then the oldest sister became the "Mom" and sacrificed and raised all the younger siblings. There were stories of mothers who literally saved the lives of her children in dramatic [physical, emotional, spiritual] ways. And there were stories of mothers who had "defied all odds" and survived abusive situations/terminal illness/financial destitution and mothered all on her own and raised delightful, successful children. Etc, etc, etc.
Tears would just be running down my face as I watched these shows because, YES, I was touched by those mothers' stories. BUT, at the same time, I knew that I didn't do ANY of those things myself....which blatantly brings to my attention: I am NOT a wonderful mother.
I finally quit watching those shows - it was too much torture for me.
Then there is church. The Sacrament Meeting talks are killers. I do acknowledge the tough job the Bishop has to creating a meeting that doesn't leave anyone out or make them feel bad. It seems in recent years, they have tried to select the speakers carefully (someone who is male or not a mother yet, so it doesn't ruin a woman's day even further by having to speak) but the content of the talk cannot always be controlled.
This one is THE WORST that I hear from the pulpit- it gets to me THE MOST:
My Mother NEVER yelled at her children [insert me slouching down lower in my pew as I think, Oh, I'm really good at it!]
But then there's also these:
My Mother was ALWAYS there for us - she came to every game/concert/recital/School Field Trip I ever had.
My Mother raised $1,500,000 for the American Cancer Society
My Mother taught me how to cook, sew, cut hair, do yoga, farm, change the oil on the car, can, start a business, paint, read by age 3, compose music, invest money, drive a stick shift, build a campfire, and WORK.
And then all the prayers in church are all "We're so thankful for our sweet, dear, kind mothers and women in our life. Please let them know how valuable, special, and priceless they are. Help us to give them the honor and respect they so deserve."
They seem too mushy and phony to me....those were the words I hear, but here's the actions I see: My Brood is still on the pew wiggling around, crying, complaining, kicking me....and then when it's time for the Primary Children to go up and sing to their mothers, I'll have one who will REFUSE to go up, or if they do go up, they stand up there without singing, sometimes hiding behind someone taller, or just laughing through the whole thing. NICE!
I know of some women who have quit going to church on Mother's Day. Although I always choose to go, I can actually understand their choice.
I also resent how my family spends all Saturday NIGHT (as if it's an afterthought) scrambling trying to get stuff for Mother's Day, which makes it so 1) We can't go out and do anything and 2) They're not able to find everything/anything at the last minute. It's sure a "testament" to how special they feel I am!
On Sunday morning, I'm the first one awake, thanks to my littlest one verbally requesting a diaper change from us. Everyone else is enjoying snoozing in late on Mother's Day. What is wrong with this picture? I ask myself. Even though I am starving, I don't eat because the kids might bring me breakfast in bed. So, I wait....all the while wondering if we're going to be able to get ready for church in time. When the Brood does gather in the kitchen to put their collective efforts together for my Mother's Day breakfast, arguing/crying/tormenting/complaining ensues. And I hear, no less than 10X in the background, their father saying, "SSHHHH....Stop that, don't do that - it's Mother's Day!"
After church, I'm told to go in my room and "relax" - even take a nap and they'll take care of dinner. Only, that's kind of hard considering my door keeps opening by different members of my family (the adult & children alike) asking:
What do you want for dinner?
Where is the salt?
Do we have any lemon extract?
Can I used the limes in the fridge?
Are you going to make the rolls?
What are the measurements for Ranch dressing?
If it says "3 lemons" - does that mean 3 slices of lemon or 3 whole lemons?
How do you bake a baked potato?
What does "boil" mean?
Their preparation, knowledge, & skills make for a very "restful" afternoon for me, let me tell ya!
Everyone in the world TRIES to be all nice & lovey, but I think it feels FAKE.
For Example:
There's the obligatory Mother's Day phone call with my mother, when we hardly ever call each other on any regular day.
There's the Mother's Day "coupons" I get from my children, but when I try to "redeem" one, they are unwilling and resist. (I have dozens of these unused, null & void coupons)
I've witnessed that my husband and his brothers always give their Mom a hug and say "I love you" on Mother's Day, but they do not do that at any other time of the year.
The thing I want most for Mother's Day is for my family to do their jobs, be happy, obedient, & agreeable, don't fight, and to be on time to church ~ at least for that one day.
Is it too much to ask?
Apparently it is.
But, as learned from the talks at church, All that we are, we owe to our mother -- so it's all my fault anyway....and we get a special day devoted to reminding us of just that! Which returns me to my original statement. I despise Mother's Day.
This past Mother's Day, on numerous occasions, my girls declared things like; I can't wait until I'm a Mom! It'll be SOOO fun to be a Mom! Ohhh...Mom's are so lucky!
Their reasons? They can get breakfast in bed, a chocolate/caramel dipped pretzel rod as a gift from the church, and the presents - "just like having another birthday," they naively witnessed.
Ohhh....ignorance is BLISS, eh?!?
But, as learned from the talks at church, All that we are, we owe to our mother -- so it's all my fault anyway....and we get a special day devoted to reminding us of just that! Which returns me to my original statement. I despise Mother's Day.
This past Mother's Day, on numerous occasions, my girls declared things like; I can't wait until I'm a Mom! It'll be SOOO fun to be a Mom! Ohhh...Mom's are so lucky!
Their reasons? They can get breakfast in bed, a chocolate/caramel dipped pretzel rod as a gift from the church, and the presents - "just like having another birthday," they naively witnessed.
Ohhh....ignorance is BLISS, eh?!?
There. I did it. I finally put my feelings out there. End of rant.
5 comments:
I think you said exactly what most mom's feel on Mother's Day!
This year I decided to have the attitude of kids are never going to be perfect so today I'm just going to be grateful that I'm blessed with them. However, I must admit that after 2 hours of whining that wouldn't stop I did get annoyed that for one day they couldn't just not whine and be nice to each other.
I think you're a great mom and you've probably heard me yell way more than I've ever heard you!
AMEN!!!!
a'hem....say it like an old lady!
You don't even want me to start but I feel the same way sister!
Amen Amen Amen!!!!! I do like the chocolate caramel covered pretzel though - I will endure church for that!
I always wondered why some ladies didn't come to church on Mother's Day. I don't get it, even after reading your post. I like Mother's Day because I think it is funny to see Phil organize dinner and be exhausted by the end of it. And I guess I take in all the 'other wonderful mother' stories the same way I listen to talks about all the righteous things we should be doing, listening to, watching, reading, etc. every other week- I think, "glad I'm not perfect or I would be expected to do all of that all the time!"
Suz, you are a wonderful mother and your children are great! I am saying this out loud because it was Mother's Day but I am always thinking it. Loves!
Post a Comment