Kids Say the Darndest things - Aug. '11 Edition

Taken from the sidebar...

I was trying to talk to Matt in the presence of our children without them knowing what I was talking about, so I used the good ol' spell trick.....

Me: "I'm talking about K-A-T-E-L-Y-N
Katelyn: "Is that a BAD word?" 8/11

Your Opinion, Please....

Is a binder pencil pouch "gender specific"?

More specifically, are they only for girls or only for boys or are they for both?

Is it too masculine for a girl? Is it not manly enough for a boy? Is it completely neutral? Does it depend on what age the boy/girl is?

{This is the topic of true debate in our home - YOU can help settle it!}

Summer Wrap-Up

SUMMER'S OVER?
Didn't it just barely start?

It is true that we did get gypped out of about 10 days or so of Summer Vacation this year because of an adjusted school schedule...and let me tell you, I'm REALLY feelin' the loss of those 10 days! They make a huge difference!

This one just flew by - and I hardly even blogged about it! Contrary to what my blog posts lead one to believe, we actually did do more than go to Cancun as a family and participate in the Farmington Festival Days 5K.

So here's where I will bring y'all up to speed.
This post will be "the Reader's Digest version" of....

The Brenchley Brood Summer 2011
(and it's too bad since each of these events has a behind-the-scenes story to go with it, too. All could've been it's own post, but it's too late now. That's what happens when I "check out" for Summer! [READ: very BUSY eating ice cream, chasing butterflies, sleeping in, showing our home (blah!) and I'm leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...] Oh, sorry!)

First off....Matt's SURPRISE 40th birthday party

And he was completely and totally...as in NO CLUE...SURPRISED! (and thrilled!)

We had a live D.J. play all of Matt's favorite 80's music. Matt and his BFF from childhood, Steve Maxwell, performed a moving rendition of "Sweet Child of Mine" on the "Karaoke stage."

Matt takes his 80's music very seriously - he was "rockin' out on the "dance floor."

Next up....we went to Tuacahn ("Broadway in the Desert") and saw both The Little Mermaid and Grease.

Then we toured the Parade of Homes for a few weekends and saw....

lovely showers and

drool-inducing [for Matt] Home Theater rooms.

We had our annual Read-a-Thon (It's a simple concept; we [including me] read all day together in the Family Room, each in our own little niche with blankets/pillows, and then have pizza delivered for lunch and eat it picnic style on the floor, so you don't have to stop reading!)

And Miss B. copied all of us - she didn't wanna miss out! Aaaahh.

Kennecott Copper Mine "Field Trip" (and it was FREE that day - score!)

We had a great turnout at our Ward Party @ Skateboard Park. Haylee got to brush up on her Trapeze skills.

We spent a week at the Reunion Ranch.
It just so happened that I we were in charge of the Family outings for both sides this year. So, because I am so lazy efficient, I rented a cabin near Jackson Hole for a whole week and...

had the Brenchley's come the first half of the week....

and then had the Fowers come

the second half of the week.

And my brood stayed the entire time!

We tried out a Ropes Course and zip line.

Ryan especially loved it when, on different occasions, I screamed like a little girl, got my foot caught in a net, and also found myself hanging from the cables when I missed my landing. (In response to his shaking of his head and rolling his eyes, I said, "Hey! How many other 40+ yr. old ladies are you going to see doing this?!?")


A few of us took a trip to the land that Anti-Monkey Butt powder was made for to see The President.
{can you tell we are drenched with sweat, soaking through our clothes?}

Well, we did get to see a lot of Washington D.C. - and got into the spirit of patriotism while in our nation's capitol.

We had our annual Movie Marathon. (Another simple concept; you stay in your PJ's and watch movies. ALL. DAY. LONG. Oh, and have lots of treats, drinks, and popcorn.)

{Here was this year's lineup}


We (except Miss B. wanted no part of it, so, basically I!) worked on Potty Training.....and failed.

We drove out to Wyoming the last possible week of Summer vacation to get these cute cousins together!

Now I need a vacation from Summer vacation!

I'm not sure I'm ready for school! Uh Oh....What is wrong with me?!?

Hometown Pride

Guess what made the list of the 100 best places (small town category) to live in the U.S.?

Our beloved Farmington is #12!

Yep, our secret is out, thanks to this CNNMoney report. (and now my blog post, too!) :)

Some of the reasons we were ranked so high by CNN is because Farmington is safe, quiet, has low taxes, our city is financially sound, Lagoon amusement part, close to Salt Lake City (jobs), mix of high end homes with more affordable ones, etc.

I agree with all those reasons, too, but let me add a few (or more) of the things I LOVE about Farmington....

1. Our Schools. They are high quality - I can honestly say that there is only ONE teacher in our elementary school that I (and a lot of other people) don't want their kids to get. I have no worries about all the others. We have excellent test scores - at Kyle's 6th Grade graduation a few months ago, I was amazed at how many students received the Presidential award for academic achievement (the one signed by President Obama) and then the Citizenship award given by the teachers - they just kept calling name after name after name. I thought to myself, Is there anyone who didn't get it? (There was, it's just that there are so many bright, motivated, good kids!) Our schools also have a good percentage of parent/community involvement. I like that our schools have a manageable number of students. My children are able to know (& be friendly with) almost everyone in their own grades. It is also great that our elementary school is just a little over a mile from our home. I (and some other moms) walk my kids to school every day until from the 1st day of school until Thanksgiving and then again after Spring Break. We wait around & hang out on the school grounds until the tardy bell rings for school. It is a fun time to socialize with the fellow students, parents, crossing guard, and school staff. It is safe for them to walk or bike home afterwards, as well.
2. Our athletic programs. Namely, F.A.B.L. (Farmington Area Baseball League) and Farmington Eagles Football. With three children in baseball (4 next year) and Ryan umpiring, that can make for 2-3 games/week/team, so we "live" at the ball park April - June. Not nearly as much as our league's directors, who are AMAZING btw (named Citizens of the Year 2010 by the Rotary club of Farmington), and is another reason we love being a part of FABL - the PEOPLE! We get to know so many friends through this - including other people in our town who are not at our school. Whenever we run into some of our baseball friends in public, we part ways by saying, I'll see you at the ball park! Then we get to do the same thing, with a slightly new group of people, but some are the same, August - October during football season. Even though we only have one child in football, because it is SO INTENSE (in time, attitude, commitment, etc.) it feels as if we are "living football" during these months. It requires so many volunteers and our citizens come through! I love the camaraderie we have through, not only practices and games, but our potluck dinners, parties, "Football with Dads", ceremonies, banquets, team (which parents/families are considered a part of) cheers & huddles, etc. We also have something unique, where our city has a soccer program with the option to sign up for just Fall or Spring season (or both if you want) so that it doesn't conflict with our kids' baseball or football schedule. AND our practice and playing fields are close enough for the kids to walk or ride bikes to, if the chauffeur is unavailable at any time.
   
3. Farmington Festival Days. The 2nd Saturday of July every year is always blocked out on our calendar for this event. When we first moved here 10+ years ago, it was only a Saturday event. More recently, it has expanded to include the whole week, Monday - Saturday. The parade. IMHO, it is the best around! They pass out REAL candy (READ: not just taffy, taffy, and more taffy). And those who know me, know I am motivated by candy! :) There are Jolly Ranchers, Airheads, Gobstoppers, cinnamon bears, root beer barrel candy, pixie sticks, starburst, fruit snacks, otter pops, and even stuffed animals, "Marti Gras" necklaces, and DVDs. The races. With the exception of one year when I was 6 months pregnant, and another year when I had a 6 week old newborn baby, I have run in the 5K or 10K (depending on my level of physical fitness that particular year) all of the years we have lived here. It is exhilerating to be among my "running friends." The races have now grown to include a Half Marathon and a "10K Flag Rock" (Mountain climb/run) as well. The breakfast. You get in free if you run the race! And it's not just your average breakfast. It is French Toast, big ol' sausages, bacon, cut up fresh fruit, hash browns, juice, milk, AND chocolate milk - all very Brenchley kid-approved! (and that's saying A LOT!) :) Other parts of this we don't want to miss are the Outdoor Family Movie night on the mega blowup screen, the free ice cream, outdoor concerts/bands, youth dance (not me, the teenagers!) and the Fireworks Show. And we enjoy it all amongst the familiar faces of our fellow Farmingtonites.
4. The Farmington Pool. This is an outdoor pool! (I don't like the muggy, loud, unable-to-suntan features of the indoor pools much at all) It's got a zero entry for the babes, slides for the kids, basketball standards for the hoopsters, a low dive and a high dive for.....well, I've seen ages 3 to 73 go off those, a water playground area, morning water aerobics, and lap swimming [life guards provided] for the crazies like me who attempt triathlons even though we're terrified of swimming. And I can always find an open lounge chair. (PLUS!) We can get a Family Pass for $150! And the best part? No matter when we go there, we ALWAYS see people we know! You don't have to take a friend with you - it's a sure bet the kids (& me) will have someone to play with already there.
   
5. The Farmington Trails. One of Farmington’s greatest assets is the location next to beautiful mountains...and the best part - we have trails and open space areas right in our backyard, probably less than ten minutes away! I have been able to take advantage of these trails as I've clocked some running and biking miles in training for my various events. The Lagoon trail is paved and offers lots of shady trees, bridges crossing over creeks, and a pleasant breeze to give respite to an exhausting, sweaty run.....including one section that thrills youngsters in your stroller - a fenced off area with elk, buffalo, horses, and cattle to look at. Our family has also enjoyed hiking on some of the dirt trails that allow us to "go exploring" or take us up in the mountains for a great view of our town and the Great Salt Lake.....although we did hear (and see in the bushes) a rattlesnake on a trail once - and we just haven't quite made it back to that one again! :) And I love how I often see friends (those we know, some we don't) out exercising on the trails, too, so we offer a wave and holler a "hello" as we pass each other.
   
6. Our church congregations. I feel like my family and I have a lot of great examples from people of strong faith, service, and generosity where we live. I feel like there are so many good, good, good people - just "cream of the crop" "salt of the earth" type people surrounding us. I appreciate these "spiritual giants" around us to inspire and strengthen us, and to keep us going.
7. Talented teachers at our fingertips. We don't even have to go out of town to find piano, swimming, cheer leading, preschool, or dance teachers, tutors, scout leaders, etc. It's all right here, and again, the kids can walk or ride their bikes there!
8. I can leave the keys in the ignition of my car [on accident] for many hours, and it's still there when I come back! (based on a true experience)
   
9. The recent addition of Station Park. This has been quite the excitement for us to get a shopping center here in our town since we haven't had anything like it before. The Harmon's grocery store was bombarded it's first opening weeks with all us zealous citizens eager to support it and "experience" a piece of the gourmet market history. In addition to a big movie theater, other stores include: Ross, Sports Authority, Home Goods, Marshall's, Ulta....and there's rumor about a Panda Express coming (Katelyn has her fingers crossed!)
10. Our city service people. I saw our Mayor out while I was on a bike ride last week. He was cutting down overgrown vines & such that were protruding out into the path I was on. As I passed him, he smiled at me and said, I'm just trying to clean this up for YOU! Our previous (and musically talented) mayor participated in a special [singing] concert one Christmas season and donated all the proceeds to a Scholarship Fund that has been set up in my [deceased] cousin's name.
    
11. Hometown Pride. It's not just ME! I know of so many people who have had 2 or 3 different houses in Farmington through the years. When they outgrow their home, they just can't bear to leave the area, so they either find or build themselves a bigger one in our same town. My aunt and uncle love it so much that they have had multiple houses (I lost track after seven - seriously) in Farmington, most of the time never having to leave their school or church boundaries. They don't want to live anywhere else! I also know people who had made additions or remodels to their existing homes, so they can stay in Farmington. There are quite a few "life timers" who cherish living here - and I love how they are so proud of our Farmington. And after living here, we too, have become like them - yes, our home is for sale, but we plan on staying in town, just a different home. I guess it's a possibility that we could grow to love somewhere else, too, (maybe not?) so I just don't want to risk it! :)
    

Much of my list refers to OUR PEOPLE, our school friends, our sports friends, our community friends, our fitness friends, our church friends - my love of this place is very related to them and my privilege to be associated with them, of which I am always grateful.

I don't know....maybe a lot of people feel this way about where they live...but now we've got what not everyone does...we've got the Big Honchos (CNN) validating what I know & feel to be true!

Have I convinced y'all to move here now?!? ;)

FYI

It really is best to twist the talcum powder top completely closed
before stuffing it in your suitcase and then sending it on an airplane!!

The next person who checks out my library books are going to be treated to a puff of "powder cloud" each time they turn a page or set the book down.

And as an extra special treat....when brushing my teeth last night, there was a curious "baby powder" flavor about it! ;)

Dis-Connected

I think I may have been one of the last one in the Modern World to get a cell phone! (At least it seemed like it.)

I didn't get one until January 2003.
{Everyone *GASP*}

I was 32 1/2 yrs. old.

This comes in real handy when my kids voice their desires for their own cell phone at their young ages.

Kids, I was 32 before I got my own cell phone!

To which they reply, Mom, cell phones weren't even invented when you were YOUNG!
(See how well that's workin' out for me!)

I didn't really think anyone needed a cell phone.

I know I didn't need the expense of one.

And the sentimental side of me doesn't like things to change from the good ol' days.

Ya know, the good ol' days when I ran out of gas, and I went to the nearest house and used their phone to call for help. And when I practically cut my finger off one day, went to the Dr. for stitches, and my husband never knew about it until he got home from work. And when I'd wait 2 HOURS for my Mom to come pick me up from piano lessons. And when my parents never knew where I was....OR when people had to call me at home to talk to me - when I was home - not when I was out on a HOT DATE!! (imagine that!)

Anyway, so I got my first cell phone back in 2003 -- ONLY BECAUSE my husband's company provided us with them. As in, his company bought our phones for us AND pays the monthly bill! If we hadn't been offered that benefit, I'd probably still be cell phone-less.
......And I wouldn't be facing the problem I am facing now!

You see, I was leaving on a trip to Washington D.C. yesterday morning - my alarm went off at 4:45AM, but Miss B beat it by coming into my bedroom crying at 3:30AM, and I never went back to sleep - so in my combined state of sleep-deprivation AND my unfortunate adult onset A.D.D./losing my mind condition, I found myself going through the security line at the SLC airport.

I had put my cell phone in my pants pocket since I thought that would be easier access than trying to find it in the bottomless-pit-of-a-handbag I was carrying. So, I loaded up the bins in the security line with my shoes, watch, 3 oz. or less liquids/gels/aerosols in a quart size ziploc bag...I've done the drill dozens of times. And then I set off the alarm when I went through the metal detector. The TSA agent suggested a cell phone may be the culprit -- Oh yeah, I forgot it was in my pocket! So, another TSA agent held out a separate small, round dish-like container for me to put it in and then sent it through the X-ray machine....way behind all our other regular-sized bins. (This is a very important fact to note!) I walked through the metal detector again without BEEP. Phew! So, then I hurriedly grabbed my shoes and handbag and urged my teenager to "get a move on it" up to the Gate to catch our flight. We took the first leg of our flight and landed, had a layover in another airport, boarded the second plane of our connection, and while preparing for take off, I heard the announcement to "Please turn off all cell phones and electronic devices until further instructed during our flight." I reached into my pants pocket for my cell phone -- NOTHING!


OH NO! The morning TSA series of events came back into my mind. I never picked up my cell phone out of that second container! It was still back in SLC and I was en route to Washington D.C.

(Jill, good thing I didn't get myself one of the fancy, schmancy "My Touch" internet phones you told me I "needed!")

I turned to my husband, {GASP!} I left my phone at Security! I frantically squeaked/wailed out.
YOU LEFT IT THERE?!? My husband firmly asked in disbelief. WHY?
(Because I'm a doe-head, OK?!?)

I did notice that this "interaction" we were having caught the attention of the woman sitting beside me - and out of my peripheral vision, I could see her gawking at us, listening intently, enjoying her "front row seat" of our unfolding drama. (I think she was concerned about my well-being, and was trying to identify if I had an "abusive" husband, or something! :) haha!)

So, here we are in D.C. now.....feeling TOTALLY LOST and OUT OF CONTROL since we have ONE cell phone (Matt's) between us travellers.

While he's attending his Conference, he has NO IDEA where we are and what we're doing or when to meet up with us.

If he gives us his cell phone to use, he has NO IDEA what time it is, since he has long since quit wearing a wrist watch.

When he starts getting extremely sleepy during a class, he can't request my help to counteract his situation with the text, "Talk dirty to me, Babe!" :) hahaha.

And when I'm in the Smithsonian, I can't text him (back at the Conference), "This 45.5-carat Hope Diamond is NOTHING compared to the wedding ring you gave me! ;)

It's FRIGHTENING how my opinion of cell phones has changed over these last 8 1/2 years!!

I experienced the same TRAUMA and completely OUT OF SORTS feeling when we went to Cancun earlier this year. I got there one day before Matt, and, although I managed to get through TSA with my cell phone on that trip, it did not work over there. It was "Searching" the whole time! I also did not have any computer with me. I couldn't get in touch with him very easy at all! I didn't know if he got on the plane, I didn't know where he was, I didn't know when (or if) he would get to the resort....It was a very freaky feeling. I finally did a credit card call from the room @ $45.00/5 min. - and an international exchange fee. Ouch!

It's gone from just appreciating the convenience of "modern connectivity" to being quite DEPENDENT on it! It's like I've been rendered disabled without it.
It's crazy, I tell you. CRAZY!

BTW - plz if u can tell me how 2 get help it would be gr8. thx. lol.

Kids Say the Darndest Things - July '11 Edition

Taken from the sidebar....

(Background Info) Often when we're looking at old family photos [pre-Miss B life] she will ask where she is and we explain to her, "You weren't born yet."
So, Miss B was carrying around a photo of herself this morning.

Me: "Who's in that picture, Brookelle?"
Brookelle: "Me. Just me. Not you, Mom - You weren't born yet!" 7/11

Female Bonding

On a recent day, I put Miss B's hair in pig tails.

Everyone thought it was soooo cute!

But, when anyone told her so, she responded with one of her classic grumpy looks.

So, then the other girls decided that's how they wanted their hair done the next day!
And to make their GIRL PIG TAIL DREAMS complete, they begged me to also do my hair that way, so we could be quadruplets!!!! OK - just the perfect hair do for a 40 yr. old! :)
And these pig tails came in handy since that was the day we happened to go to the Bingham Copper Mine -- always a WIND TUNNEL-esque thing going on there!!

THIS should earn me "Mommy Brownie Points" right?!?

I Just Don't Get It

Ever since we moved to Farmington, I have made it a tradition to run the 5K/10K races on our town's annual celebration, "Festival Days." With the exception of one other year, I have been the sole participant from our family, although everyone else is always welcome. (And it has been a "dream" of mine that we all run it together.) When we were writing our "Summer Bucket List" at the beginning of June, I was pleased that one of Ryan's SBL items was running the Farmington Festival Days 5K as a family. There were some snickers, rolling of eyes, looks of "yeah, right!" and general lack of enthusiasm, but it was NOT vetoed off the SBL.

Soooo....I have spent the Summer getting up early five mornings a week and going out "training." I have got up while Matt was still snoring away in the bed next to me. I have wished I could still be in the bed next to him! I have, most mornings, NOT wanted to get up and go run. BUT, I have. I have while Kyle & Katelyn waited, hiding in the cubby hole under the stairs, until I left so they could sit there [on their butts] watching on early morning T.V. I have gone out while Ryan & Haylee were still dead to the world in deep slumber. And when I returned home from running, the "activities" of my family still resembled that of the life of a SLUG.

Prior to the race, Matt & the boys went out a total of TWO different evenings running/walking/jumping around (Kyle).

Katelyn had WALKED a little over 2 miles with me - ONCE.

Haylee had NEVER gone out and trained whatsoever.

However, Miss B has become quite the proficient "stroller rider" - she has years of experience!

So, help me understand HOW ON EARTH, THAT kind of "preparation" got these kind of results:

FIRST to finish from our family: Kyle (No adult available to take photos)

SECOND: Matt - pushing Miss B in the jogging stroller the whole way.

THIRD: Haylee
15 yards ahead of....

FOURTH: Ryan

And then they all hung around.....waiting....and waiting...and waiting. It was later reported to me by my kids that, while they were waiting, Matt was voicing concerns like Did they get lost? Did they get injured along the way? Is Mom passed out?

(Thanks, Honey!)

Until finally....

FIFTH: Katelyn
SIXTH: Me

They were all well rested, while my heart was still pounding and sweat was dripping down all over my body, by the time we were able to all get together for this post-race group shot.

I will say that I [took the higher road and] volunteered to stay with the girls, so they wouldn't get lost or be alone. Turns out, Haylee didn't even need me - she left me in the dust during the first half mile. She ran the whole thing. Never ran one step prior to the race and then beats the majority of us! I just Don't get it!

Katelyn, on the other hand, needed me repeating the mantra of The Little Engine that Could to her every other minute. I think I Can. I think I Can. I think I Can. Because after she ran the first mile and a half - SHE WAS ABLE TO RUN A WHOLE MILE AND A HALF STRAIGHT WITHOUT HAVING PRACTICED RUNNING BEFORE (I just Don't get it) - she spent the next mile and a half whining/crying/complaining, I can't do this, I'm NOT running next year, I can't do this, My feet hurt, I can't do this, WHY did you make me do this - I didn't want to, I can't do this, My tummy hurts, This is too hard, I can't do this, My ear hurts, I can't do this.

After she ran that first mile and a half, I let her walk, and held her hand most of the rest of the race.

Then we ran for five minutes.

Then we walked some.

Then we ran for three minutes.

Then we walked.

Then we ran for one minute. (I was losing her!)

Then we walked.

Then I pulled her, running the last stretch, because you HAVE to run the last stretch across the finish line - it's one of [my] unwritten rules...then sent/pushed her ahead to finish before me at the last moment. But, truth be told, our overall pace was very comfortable for me! I'm glad I had the "excuse!" :)

It was eerily similar to when I made Kyle do it with me four years ago when he was age 7. And now, fast forward to this year and look how far he's come, baby...

He got the "Gold Medal" - finishing 1st Place in his age group - with a time of just 22 minutes! I just Don't get it.

And THEN, during the medal ceremony, Matt's name [unexpectedly] got called, too! He got the "Bronze Medal" - finishing 3rd in his age group - running a faster 5K than I have ever run in all my years (30+) of racing with a time of 28:00. I just Don't get it. Matt did say it helped that, with his 40th birthday this year, it bumped him up to the 40-49 age group. He was considered the young, spry one in the group. But, still.....he ran twice this summer. The only other cardio exercise he can claim is playing on a Indoor Soccer team....but this summer, it's been very sporadic - only 1-2 times a month.

Even though "I just Don't get" (AND IT'S SOOO NOT FAIR!) with my family's training/performance ratio, I am glad we did it TOGETHER. It is a fun tradition that we will continue for years to come.

{Hopefully, it's like childbirth - and Katelyn will have forgotten the "pain" by next year!}

My "Smash"ogram

I turned 40 yrs. old 9 1/2 months ago.

Women know what THAT means.....I've moved into the "Mammogram years."

So, do you think I ran right out and got one 9 1/2 months ago?

NOPE.

Do you think I've had the written orders from my Dr. for months and months just attached to my magnet board at home?

YEP.

I guess my avoidance of the "experience" is part rebellion that I actually have gotten old enough to need one, part fear that the test might find something BAD, part dread of the inconvenience of having to arrange care for or (heaven forbid) take my little ones to the appointment, but MOSTLY it's been my qualms about the pain associated with having my boobs smashed flat as a pancake.

Since school got out, and I have 2 "live-in babysitter" now, at least one of my "hang ups" was gone, so I thought I could finally try to make an appointment. Now, even though I was calling, I thought I still had quite a bit of time. You see, I was completely expecting it to be more like my Pediatrician's office when I call in for an appt. there,

"It looks like Dr. Fruin is booked out until the end of October...."

(Just goes to show that MORE parents are trying to get their kids in for their school shots and Football Physicals than there are women taking care of their own mammograms) but that wasn't the case! The "Women's Imaging" department at the hospital had available appointment that same week! Like in a few days. Luckily, some out of town trips and my work schedule prevented that from happening, but I still got me an appt. within 10 days of calling.

YIKES.

That was too soon for me!

The day of the appointment, Ryan asked me if I was nervous. I admitted that I was.

He said, "Don't worry, Mom, I saw a billboard on the freeway about mammograms. Did you know that with early prevention, Breast Cancer is 99% curable?"

(Yes, I know. I'd seen those same guilt-inducing billboards prodding me over the last 9 1/2 months!)

I told him I was not so much worried about that as I was the pain. To which he had a question about WHY is would be painful. So, I got to explain to my 15 yr. old son about the boob torture machine.

He was horrified - mostly because of what he was thinking about. His next question let me in on his thoughts? "Do they have to do that to screen for Prostate Cancer, too?!!?"

So....I made it to my appointment....

When they questioned me, I turned out to be a real boring patient. No Breast Implants, No chance of being pregnant, No Breast Cancer history in my family, Not currently Breast Feeding, No Breast Surgeries, No discoveries in my self-exams (that's because I DON'T do them! woops!)

Getting in the right position took longer than the smash-and-X-ray part of it. Turns out I have breast tissue up to my chin, in my underarm regions, and around my back - and they needed it ALL on the compression plate.

The tech gave so many instructions:

Lean forward

Stick out your butt

Lift up your arm

Relax your shoulder

Straighten out your hips

Put your weight on your right foot

Come closer

Don't stand on your tippy toes (I'm too short, they need to bring the machine down)

Bend your left knee

Lift up your chin

Hold your other breast out of the way...but flatten out your hand, so it doesn't get in the picture.

Move your hair back

Hold perfectly still - don't breathe.

{It was a QUAD workout, let me tell you!}

Finally, when I still wasn't in the optimum position, the tech just started manhandling (cupping, pulling, moving, shifting, lifting) my boobs herself. Ya know, 20 years ago, I would've FREAKED OUT over that (at my first GYNO appt. for my pre-mission physical, the nurse had to practically hypnotize me in order for me to survive!), but strangely, that day, after 5 baby births, several female surgeries/procedures, and dozens of "special woman exams", I was pretty OK with being topless in front of and groped by the nurse. :) hahaha.

I made it...but my ANGST about the pain, it turns out, WAS VALID. I drove straight to the Maverick afterwards and got some "pain meds" in the form of a large Diet Dr. Pepper.

And I texted my husband warning him that he may not recognize his wife now! ;)