I'm Talking, but Nobody's Listening

PROOF:

I was getting ready to make dinner this afternoon, and I started looking for some of the ingredients that I bought at the grocery store 2 DAYS AGO that I needed for my recipe. I didn't recall ever seeing them in my fridge/freezer/pantry in the last 48 hours, either. As I sat there wondering if I should chalk this up to another "losing my mind" episode or not, a disturbing thought washed over me.

I called down to my sons, "Boys, did you bring in the groceries from the car like I asked you to the other day?"

Son #1: "WHAT?!?"

Me: "Did you bring in the groceries?"

Son #1: "Groceries?!?"

Me: "Yeah."

Son #2: "When did you ask us to bring in the groceries?"

Me: "On Tuesday."

Son #1: "You did?"

Son #2: "But, we didn't hear you!"

Me: "Uh huh....GO GET THEM NOW!"

Have you ever had fresh (not frozen) chicken sit in your car for two days?!? If not, can you imagine the "fragrance?" :P It first got thrown away in the kitchen garbage, but after 3.7 seconds, I ordered it to be bagged up and relocated to the outside trash can.

{On the bright side, it was just a small [$30] shopping trip that day}

Now what am I going to make for dinner tonight?!!?

Welcome To the Club

Recently, this arrived in my mail...

Apparently the American Association of Retired Persons thinks I'm eligible! What the ???

AARP has always conjured THIS image up in my mind:

Is this ME?!!?

I KNEW *ah hum* 40 was "getting up there" - but....really?

What's even more confusing is that just a couple of months ago, some mail I received indicated that I was still in the baby-birthing age. (I don't think babies and AARP exactly go together!) But, just like that -- POOF! -- I'm in the Bingo-playing age??

NO! Surely, it was the wrong address! (even though it had MY name and address printed on the envelope.)

I'm definitely in denial.

Needless to say, I haven't "REPLIED" yet, and the 3/31 deadline in quickly approaching.

Now, excuse me while I go pluck the gray hairs out of my head!

Who's in Charge?

I came home from an evening out last night, and before I even opened the door to enter my home, I could hear the clickety-clack of dress-up high heels on the hardwood coming to meet me at the door. Sure enough, it was little Princess Snow White.

She had just been "Ruling the Roost" with her built-from-scratch Princess Throne.
(I have no idea what a laundry basket with clothes in it has to do with the stairs descending and ascending to the throne.....but we constantly have laundry baskets around, so she doesn't know anything else - she must think "it goes.")
It looked like she'd been having a great ol' time while her dad and I were out. But, what about the others?

After futher investigation throughout our home, I found her older siblings (i.e. the babysitters) downstairs - with the lights AND T.V. on.

Apparently, my 2 year old was enjoying THE FUN all to herself!

It was 10 o' clock.

You Know You're in Utah When...

...it's just 2 weeks until "SPRING"...

...and the scene outside your window...

...looks like THIS!

My Family of Animals

Haylee usually always takes a notebook to church for drawing in during Sacrament Meeting.

Finally, someone took notice of the front cover of the notebook and her captions she had written on/under each animal.

It appears she has "labeled" each member of her family as an animal. We all crack up about it. Her choices are amusing. We decided there IS some resemblance in our LOOKS (facial hair, tired eyes, wrinkles, big nose/ears, bad/no teeth). But, we also wonder if it has something to do with our ATTITUDE, PERSONALITY, and BEHAVIOR!!!

Top row:

Basset Hound = Ethan (a friend)

Hamster = Haylee (herself)

Bull Dog = Nana

Second row:

Horse = Sirri (?)

Frog = Ryan

grey cat = Ellie Hull (a friend)

Third row:

Chihuahuas = Miss B & Mr. J (B's boyfriend???)

Bird = Kyle

Dog = Dad

Bottom row:

White cat = Mom

goldfish = Katelyn

Dog #2 = Papa

So, let's make some sense of this...Dad chases Mom, and Mom tries to eat Kyle and Katelyn...?!?

If only I could have the sleep schedule of a cat, too! (unlimited naps, able to sleep through anything, anywhere, sleeps for hours & hours....)

My Punishment

I feel like I should RECALL my last post. My ridiculing/disgust of a house we looked at has brought me BAD KARMA!

Not even 12 hours after publishing that post, I was sitting in the hair salon chair with foils in 1/3 of my hair.

My cell phone rings. It is my listing Realtor. He says someone wants to come look at our home between 11:00-12:00 TODAY. It is 9:50 a.m. My hair appointment will go until 11:00 at which time I need to go check Ryan out of school to take him to his orthodontist appt., followed by taking him out to lunch & to get a smoothie - it is his 15th Birthday! I'm not going to be home for the next 3 HOURS!

He tells me that, typically, if you ask an Agent to come later, THEY WON'T. They'll just cross you off their list due to inconvenience.

I'm torn. The house is not ready. I'm not going to cancel my plans with the Birthday Boy to return home and get it ready. If a potential buyer sees it in it's current state - they won't want to buy it (most likely). But, if they don't even come to see it at all, they most definitely won't buy it. I finally decide that letting them come to the unacceptable-for-a-showing home increases my chances of a sale SLIGHTLY over refusing a showing. The slightest chance. Very Faint chance. Almost next to nothing chance. But SOMETHING all the same. Oh Crap! My Realtor told me he would just disclose that no one was home, and we wouldn't be all morning, and to "look past" the mess. (It didn't work for us - we were incapable of "looking past." See previous post.)

The hairdresser was ears to this whole conversation, so she hurried it up a bit and I was able to get out of there at 10:45 a.m. I zoom up to my home, hoping I can haul out the "STUFF" before they came....but there were already 2 cars parked in front of my home when I came upon it. What?!? Only 1 hr and 10 minutes notice to begin with AND then they come EARLY, too?!!? THE NERVE! Such is the life of selling a home.

I drove on by and tried to recollect just HOW things looked when I left it this morning. (I was pretty certain it wasn't good.)

I didn't get the full picture until I came back 3 hours later and did a "walk through" myself. (It wasn't good. No. No. No.)

Here are the "HIGHLIGHTS"

In addition to not being able to do the USUAL last minute things of vacuuming, sweeping, spraying air fragrance, turning on the lights, and opening the shutters.....

• First of all, it is Ryan's Birthday, so they were greeted with our traditional Birthday signage on the garage.

• 
  Also, on the driveway....it appears that the kids got a hold of all those rotten apples I'd thrown away and had a "Apple fight" with them, causing them to splatter on the driveway. It very much resembled vomit.
• We had opened all of Ryan's Birthday presents this morning before school, so that aftermath (presents and wrapping/boxes) hadn't been cleared out of the front room, yet.
• Laundry in the baskets on the Laundry Room floor
• "To-be-washed" stack on top of the dryer'
• a bag of "Squeaky Cheese" left out on the Kitchen counter
• dishes in the sink (since the dishwasher was CLEAN and the child on dishwasher duty had failed to empty it before leaving for school!)
• cups, plates, knife, toothpicks on Kitchen table/counter
• coloring paper, pencil, crayon box out on the table
• FULL garbage cans in just about every room, including in full view in the Kitchen
• Kitchen table not wiped off - complete with crumbs, spills, & smudges
• Blanket on Living Room chair
• scriptures left on the floor from this morning's reading
• Miss B's clothes that she'd had an "accident" in were soaking in the bathroom sink
• Bath towel on the floor
• The toilet seat was UP -- and there was PEE in the toilet!
• NO beds were made - including mine that Miss B had made a "nest" on with 8+ pillows this morning while I was getting ready
• I had pulled all the contents out that didn't belong on Katelyn's closet floor this morning since she couldn't find her shoes, and then told her to "take care of it" - Did she? NOPE.
• PJ's, shoes and socks, & backpacks on the bedroom floors
• wilty plants that needed watering
• Towels sloppily flung on the racks
• a Piggy Bank in the middle of the Family Room floor (random)
• clothes bulging out of the dresser drawers in the Boys' room
• the Hamster smell in the Playroom
• bathroom counters cluttered with toothbrushes
• Toys not organized in Playroom

(Just to name a "few")

I was laughing for most of this "tour" - I was. I had Matt on the phone and I was commentating to him the "State of The Brenchley Home." Because WHAT COULD I DO at that point? If I didn't LAUGH, I would CRY, so I laughed (and cringed!)

But, there was ONE THING that made me SCREAM. When I went into MY room, I saw my underwear out IN PLAIN SIGHT. And what's worse is that they weren't exactly clean. I had partially hand-washed them last night after a certain monthly "incident" had taken me by surprise....ya know....and then hung them out to dry to avoid putting wet items in the hamper....I am officially horrified! Yep, I just CAN'T lose that Murphy! ;)

I just can't wait to hear the feedback from these people!! :)

After I cleared off the counter a little bit, I did find the Realtor's business card. I'm glad she found somewhere to put it! :)

So, is this a case of What-Goes-Around-Comes-Around? I ripped on someone else's house, and NOW those people get to do the same about me! But the house I looked at had at least 36 hours notice....I had none.

I went right to work cleaning the kitchen (and taking care of that "article of clothing") when I got home to help relax my CRINGING muscles!

GOOD THING, too, because I got another phone call from the Realtor. Someone else is coming to see our home at 6:00 p.m.

We'll be ready this time!!

House Hunting Horrors

We found a house online that we wanted our Realtor to take us to see. The photos online were decent. Matt thought the garage looked a little strange since it was "out of proportion" with the house (height-wise) but we went to see it anyway.

We walked in the front door and immediately had to STEP OVER the play swords that were on the floor right in front of the entryway. Kyle said, "COOL!" and picked them up to entertain himself with, but then he couldn't decide if he should keep playing with that or choose the bat & ball, light saber, dump truck, crayons, or one of the other 20 things that were sprawled across the floor. Brookelle went straight to the rocking horse that was in the foyer and mounted it.

As the rest of us stood there in shock, Katelyn posed the question, "Are they trying to SELL their house?" As in my Katelyn, the one who is synonymous with "MESS."

{Exhibit A}

The first thing out of Ryan's mouth was, "I guess they weren't expecting us?" Ryan said that. The same Ryan whose room looks like this (after "cleaning" it).
{Exhibit B}
Now I wish I had my camera that day to document the...."experience" but I did not. Maybe from now on, that'll be a good idea. You'll just have to visualize this time.....

We went through the rest of the house.

There were:

• various toys on every stair.
• Mattresses on the floor (in between 2 other beds) so we couldn't even walk in.
• make shift boards for shelves
• dishes in the sink
• dirty clothes on the floor of the laundry room
• books, scarves, papers, blankets, towels - you name it - on the floors throughout the house
• boxes and JUNK that filled the whole back half of the garage

I really felt the URGE to start picking up the place!

When they took the photos online, obviously the house was in a much different condition, and the bathroom looked nice.

But, the day we went there, I don't even remember seeing this bathroom. I kept trying to verify with the Realtor that this was the same house.
In the Master bathroom, the floor was piled high with:

• panties
• towels
• clothes
• magazines
• toys
• cheese grater -- just kiddin' on that one, but I wouldn't be surprised!

On the bathroom counter/vanity, they'd opened a drugstore, I tell you - it was covered with:

• bottles of personal care products
• hair dryers
• make up
• brushes
• strung-out dental floss
• [used] kleenex
• photos
• homework
• Town House crackers -- I didn't actually SEE this, but I'm sure it was under everything else. ;)

The photos online are PROOF that there are SINKS in this bathroom, but I couldn't view any that day!

After that, we "passed" on going into the other bathrooms. Because if the Master looked like that....what would the kid's bathroom look like?

The photos on the Real Estate website were taken when the house was vacant. Obviously. Here's a sample of a bedroom. Pink. Good. I have three girls. No problem filling that one...

But, ya know...now I'm having the hardest time remembering a pink room at all.

I DO remember:

• every single bed was UNmade
• a mountain of shoes on the floor of the walk-in closet
• boxes (unpacked?) on the floor
• all curtains were drawn shut - maybe that was a good thing? Limited the view.
• more toys, clothes, pencils, empty water bottles, and toenail clippers

We had to keep telling the kids to "quit playing with stuff!" But talk about DISTRACTION! We found that we, too, quit looking at THE HOUSE and were only noticing the "shock factors."

We opened the door to the basement and noticed that it was unfinished, I opted out of even going down and instead said, "Let's go!"

As for the kitchen.....

It could've been nice, it really could've... if you could get past the crunching underneath your feet as you walked and the cupboard doors that were hanging off by only one hinge. It would've been nice to see what the counter tops were like, but the bowls/plates with half-eaten food left in them and boxes of food were covering it up.

There was also a wad of chewed up gum stuck to the Kitchen counter. NO LIE!

I thought I'd seen it all until I saw THIS there, too:

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, right?!? As I was trying to control my GAG reflexes, and NOT think about what goes on in this house, a closer look confirmed to me that it really wasn't what it looked like at first sight, but instead.... was a Ramen Noodle seasoning packet. Whew! Since when do you say, "Whew!" for a disaster Kitchen?!? Needless to say, we did not open the fridge or turn on most of the lights - thus the misinterpretation of the Ramen packet?!

We did find out that the owners have moved out, but they couldn't afford to leave it empty, so there are renters living in the house.

And the last thing Renters want is to be OUT of Housing.

On our way out of there, I actually said to Matt, "I feel like our home is pretty darn clean!" And that's coming from me, who prays that unannounced visitors don't come over [again] because of this:

{Exhibit C}

A Question of Scruples

I just got a phone call from my Jr. High son.

He asked me if I would check him out for 6th period. There is a big 100 pt. Shakespeare passage memorization assignment due today.

And he admitted to me he's not ready.

I replied, "That's sad for you."

"So, will you check me out?"

"And the reason is..........?"

"So I can have the weekend to memorize it. I need more time. It's worth 100 points!"

I let this sink in as visions... of his midterm grade report dated one week ago that had a "reminder" from his teacher about this project/due date, of my son going to the school basketball game and participating in the "dance off" at halftime yesterday, of him sitting at the kitchen table last night leisurely eating an ice cream bar, and of him waking up early to go play "pick up ball" at the church with a bunch of guys this morning ...danced around in my head.

"It looks like you have 1 hour and 10 minutes to polish off that memorization!"

"All the other parents are checking out their kids!"
{Has he not figured it out by now that I am NOT "all the other parents"?!!?}

"I will not be dishonest."

{silence}

To which he eventually, yet dejectedly, (and very commendably) answered, "I understand."

But, I give him an A+ for his nerve/boldness/spunk to even dare to present me with such a proposal! ;)

Did I mention it counted as 100 pts. towards their grade?!? ***And that grades NOW COUNT ~ and will be forever on his High School transcripts!!***

But, to "all those other parents" I say, "SHAME ON THEM!"

Anyway -- What would you do? (Now that I have so straight-forwardly stated my opinion!) :)
[Click off Google Reader and tell me!] :)
*****

I sent the English Teacher a quick email letting her know that "word on the street" was that her 9th grade English classes' attendance would (not coincidentally) be down today, but that my son should be there. And that her consideration of all the students' honestly would be appreciated.

*****

And while we're on the subject of honesty....How ironic is this:

I had a bunch of these juice pouches in my fridge

{notice the name}

We have a rule about snacks -- you have to ASK if you can have one, it's not a "free reign of the pantry/fridge/storage room" system in our home. (Or else we'd literally have empty shelves and full tummies come dinnertime!)

I found the [once full of 8 pouches] box in the fridge today -- completely empty. And there was no asking or permission granted in the last little while. Obviously, the product's name is misleading. Consumption of this juice does not guarantee results! (unfortunately)

Can't Get it Out of my Mind...

I attended my friend, Julene's, funeral this week.

Everything about her death is such a tragedy!

She is one among our group of friends that goes on our annual Park City Shopping Trip every November.

Most of us were there at her funeral - and we were one blubbering mess!

There's one thing, especially, that I keep thinking and pondering about, though. Her husband spoke at her funeral. How can a spouse speak at a funeral?!?? I already told Matt that I will not - I cannot - speak at his funeral. (assuming I'm still alive myself) And I'm not afraid of Public Speaking - I do pretty well in that area. I just simply COULD NOT hold it together, emotionally!! That is an absolute fact.

But, her husband did so well!!! He gave such a REAL talk.

So inspiring.

He quoted from a recent Ensign magazine article that I haven't stopped thinking about and sharing with others I've talk to since then - because it affected me so much. So, I might as well share it on my blog, too, right?

Feel free to read the whole thing, but I'll just include an excerpt:

"Each of us must grow up and leave the security of home and the protective care of parents to enter a world full of problems and challenges that reach far beyond our experience. As we venture out, we would like a ready source to tell us how to handle every difficult situation. But that is not the Lord's system.

It is not the design of heaven that we be rescued from all difficult situations. Rather, it is the Lord's will that we learn to handle them.

The sense of being overwhelmed is very much a part of the journey. The power with which God clothes us in His holy temples does not imply that our journey will be an easy one.

As we accept our lot and move forward with what the Lord has asked of us, we discover that we enjoy the company of the Holy Ghost, angels feel constrained to join us, and the heavens open to our vision.

As you seek direction, the Holy Ghost will lead you far beyond your own thoughts and mark a course that reaches beyond that which you can see even by the light of day."

I was so glad for him that he has come through this experience with an absolute testimony. I was so grateful that he shared it. I know my testimony was strengthened by listening to him that day. I wonder if the author of that article knew how many peoples' lives would change by his words of truth. I know the author must have been inspired to write this talk (it was originally a devotional address at BYU in 2006) and then the timely submission to the Ensign magazine this month - to help her husband and all of us that day and from here on out.

Is There Something I Don't Know?

According to the contents of my mailbox today....

The Pampers company is telling me I have a 9 - 11 month old infant.

(notice the upper right hand corner of pamphlet)

Son or Daughter? I don't know.

But, THIS I do know....if they are RIGHT - I've lost that baby! I have no idea where she/he is.

AND, I don't RECOLLECT at all EVER giving birth to him/her. Or even being pregnant.

Let me jog my memory....
9 - 11 months ago, THIS is what was happening in my life...

OK - all the children I KNOW about are accounted for in this photo. Or could the baby just have been left sleeping in the car seat in the warm van?

OK - here's proof....Great-Grandma Darley is holding my baby - the only one I know about - the one who's now 32 1/2 months old. Surely if I had another [babier] one, she'd be holding that one, right?

OK - here's a family photo....no baby in it. Whew! That solves it. But, apparently I'm also missing one of the children I KNOW I have, so this photo can't be considered reliable, afterall.

I have divulged the unfortunate phenomenon of me LOSING MY MIND before.....

BUT despite the fact that I missed my daughter's Dr. appointment, failed to remember to pick my son up from school, set my alarm for the wrong time, found my dinner in the microwave 2 hours after I'd heated it up [and only then did I recall I'd never eaten], and forgotten I left the shopping cart right by my car until I heard the most unnerving scraping/crashing noise while backing out of my parking spot at the grocery store -- ALL in the last few days -- I'm pretty SURE that Pampers must be the one who is losin' it this time. NOT ME!

Please tell me I'm correct.

PLEEEAASE.

OK - Just flat out LIE to me about it!!!

Thank You.

Oh, well...at least there were some diaper coupons in their pamphlet - that I STILL need! (sigh.)

*****

But, WHY do a lot of the diaper coupons make you buy the diapers AND the wipes to get the savings? One more of my gripes. I just don't need 59,412 wipes, people!!!