It Still Gives Me the Chills

I just finished reading this book:

{it was on my "new year's resolutions."  Yay!  Another check.}

It totally took me back 12 years to when the abduction first happened.

I remember it vividly.

I was glued to any news story about the whole case.  We're talking I was border-line obsessed with it.  This was happening in my own state, just 20 miles away, after all!

I think it was also because kidnapping has always been one of my biggest fears.  I was so scared of being kidnapped as a child.  I remember walking home in the dark and hearing people somewhere in back of me and thinking, "Who's behind me?  Are they going to kidnap me?  I can't turn around and look because then they'll know that I know they're following me.  And if they know I saw them, they'll have to kidnap me AND kill me."
(I know, irrational, huh?!?)
As a parent, now, the first thought I have whenever I can't find one of my children is, "Oh no!  Kidnapping?"  Which is kind of absurd because the likelihood of daily kidnappings where I live is very low.

For days and weeks after the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping news broke, the kidnapper was still considered, AT LARGE.   No one knew how they had gotten away; on foot, a getaway vehicle, had they flown somewhere?  Were they still in the city?  The state?  The country?  He could still be among us!  A lot of people were frightened, it wasn't just me.

I remember, in particular, just a day or two after the kidnapping, I was out walking my baby Haylee in the stroller around Farmington and on the Lagoon Trail.  I was ON ALERT and really looking into the groves of trees on either side of the trail for any glimpses of red satin pajamas (the thing she was wearing when she was taken).  Maybe they had walked up north to get out of sight of the Salt Lake City investigators?!? I thought.  My mind wandered to all the scenarios of this event and nothing else on the walk.  I even asked myself the question in my mind, "What I would do?" if I saw the girl wearing red pajamas.  I came up with the plan that we could switch clothes and then hurry back to my home to use the phone to call her parents & police.  We had to do it that way because it was also before I had a cell phone.   The clothes swap was to be used as a diversion: I thought she could put on my workout clothes (and, therefore, would be unrecognizable?) and I would put on her red pajamas, so if her captor happened upon the area, he'd spot the red pajamas, but then see ME, someone who looked NOTHING like his victim, instead, just a lady in her 30's who had brown hair (with a bad perm at the time) and he'd move on because I wasn't her!  How ridiculous that idea is if you really think about it.......AS IF a 2 month Post-Birth mom would've fit into 14 yr. old pajamas!!  :0

I remembered all of this when reading her book. 

At that time, back in 2002, I was also up A LOT during the night, nursing Haylee, and I'd think about her kidnapping some more then.  I was already thinking about it quite a bit, but probably because her kidnapping happened in the middle of the night while everyone slept, I was reminded of it again at these times.  Every noise I heard would make me wonder, "What is that?  Is someone outside my home?" and I could really freak myself out just sitting there in the dark.  In the beginning days of the crime, it seemed they didn't know anything about what really happened after she was taken from her bedroom, but there were theories.  One of the theories they were saying on the news was that her captor must've been familiar with the family's routine, staking the place out for a while, so that he could come in when no one was awake to catch him.  So, then I'd wonder if anyone was watching my home, would they know that I was awake nursing a newborn practically half the night?  And, if so, would that deter them?  So, I started turning on the front room lights, then I'd go into the baby's bedroom to feed her, so all the kidnappers out there would know that someone was up and to not come in to my home!  (A sleep-deprived mom is pretty delirious with her train of thought in the middle of the night!)  But, at the same time, it was also a VERY REAL tragedy for our state!  No one knew where the guy was or if he was on a "kidnapping spree" or if he'd moved to other cities to find more children, etc.

All these memories are still floating around in my brain!

I also recall that my in laws were traveling out of town when the kidnapping happened, but as they were flying back home, they told us they saw her picture and kidnapping fliers all over the St. Louis airport.  The news was traveling EVERYWHERE.  The TODAY SHOW was even doing segments on it for a while - all of which I tried to watch.  I was riveted!

What is also crazy to think about now is, and I was reminded about this while reading her story, that her little sister, who witnessed the crime, was 9 years old.  THAT IS KATELYN'S AGE right now.  Oh, I KNOW that would be terrible for Katelyn - she's so sensitive and empathetic to others' hurts & pain, I don't know if she could ever stop crying over it!  Also, Elizabeth's parents, at the time, were very near my same age - just slightly older - than I am right now!  THAT also made it hit closer to home for me reading the book at this time.

  Horrendous.  Petrifying.  Disturbing.  That's what it was - and is.

But, I also remember exactly where I was when the news hit that she had been found!  ALIVE even!  I was down in my basement family room at our old house.  I hardly ever have the T.V. on during the daytime, but in a rare moment, I turned it on while I was doing something one day back in March 2003.  And there, scrolling across the screen was a news ticker announcing Elizabeth Smart had been found!!!  I immediately called Matt at work and told him.  His first reaction was, "What?  That can't be true."  (He couldn't believe the "found alive" part.)  And then he looked it up on the internet while I was on the phone with him - and it was verified.  Then throughout the rest of the conversation, I heard him repeatedly exclaim, "No Way!  No Way!"  I kept the T.V. on a lot after that!  ;)


Through the years, ever since her return, if there's ever been a magazine article or any interview or the like, it STILL catches my attention.
(I think she dresses & accessorizes so stylishly, by the way!)


The whole experience & that time frame in my life has all been on my mind again this last little while as I read the book.
Interesting how some memories really stick - and other memories, like my daughter has a friend's birthday party to go to (with the invitation right on our fridge!) don't!

Realization Strikes

FIRST, it is the sad truth we no longer have something very darling/delicious/dreamy in our home.  Not a single ONESIE (the absolute cutest, most adorable, easiest to put on (even for men!), biggest I-just-want-to-squeeze-your-irrisistable-chubby-legs-coming-out-of-the-onesie, piece of baby attire EVER!!) is to be found.
Especially some that are floating around the internet these days....and it's like a little punch in the gut knowing I have no use for it/can't buy it:

 {Oh! Those thunder thighs!  Just tell me you don't want to squeeze!}

SECOND, I walk by the nursery at church.....and I keep on walking.  After all those years of dropping off and picking up AND stopping to peek in the window "just to check" on my child, now I don't - and never will again.  There's NO REASON to look in through the window anymore.  But, sometimes I do just because........well, I have no idea WHY?!?   It's weird.  I'm not part of THAT club anymore.

THIRD, it was the realization that I no longer need to shop in the infant & toddler section of the stores - I just pass right on by.  What?!?  I've been browsing that department for the last 19 years!  And I almost can't stand it.  PLEASE!  Invite me to your baby showers, so I can go back!!


But, FINALLY, the strangest thing of all - the thing that REALLY hit me - was when my daughters brought home that demographic/contact info/profile thing-a-ma-jig-er form that we HAVE TO FILL OUT LIKE THREE TIMES A SCHOOL YEAR, and there's a section on that form where we are suppose to list all preschool age & younger children living in our home (so they can plan for future student body numbers).  I have ALWAYS written names here.  But, now there are NONE.  NADA.  For the first time EVER - in the 75 forms I've filled out during the years - I left those lines BLANK.

Yep.  I'M IN UNCHARTERED TERRITORY!  (for me)

Is There Something I Don't Know?

According to the contents of my mailbox today....

The Pampers company is telling me I have a 9 - 11 month old infant.

(notice the upper right hand corner of pamphlet)

Son or Daughter? I don't know.

But, THIS I do know....if they are RIGHT - I've lost that baby! I have no idea where she/he is.

AND, I don't RECOLLECT at all EVER giving birth to him/her. Or even being pregnant.

Let me jog my memory....
9 - 11 months ago, THIS is what was happening in my life...

OK - all the children I KNOW about are accounted for in this photo. Or could the baby just have been left sleeping in the car seat in the warm van?

OK - here's proof....Great-Grandma Darley is holding my baby - the only one I know about - the one who's now 32 1/2 months old. Surely if I had another [babier] one, she'd be holding that one, right?

OK - here's a family photo....no baby in it. Whew! That solves it. But, apparently I'm also missing one of the children I KNOW I have, so this photo can't be considered reliable, afterall.

I have divulged the unfortunate phenomenon of me LOSING MY MIND before.....

BUT despite the fact that I missed my daughter's Dr. appointment, failed to remember to pick my son up from school, set my alarm for the wrong time, found my dinner in the microwave 2 hours after I'd heated it up [and only then did I recall I'd never eaten], and forgotten I left the shopping cart right by my car until I heard the most unnerving scraping/crashing noise while backing out of my parking spot at the grocery store -- ALL in the last few days -- I'm pretty SURE that Pampers must be the one who is losin' it this time. NOT ME!

Please tell me I'm correct.

PLEEEAASE.

OK - Just flat out LIE to me about it!!!

Thank You.

Oh, well...at least there were some diaper coupons in their pamphlet - that I STILL need! (sigh.)

*****

But, WHY do a lot of the diaper coupons make you buy the diapers AND the wipes to get the savings? One more of my gripes. I just don't need 59,412 wipes, people!!!

It's the Big ONE

I never wanted 5 children.

It was never "my plan" (and I like to plan!)

5 is such an ODD number - literally! (and I'm NOT a fan of odd #'s for families)

4, 6, or 8 - now those are some nice & neat, EVEN numbers. THOSE are the #'s that were always in "my plan" where children were concerned.

But, I always wanted a May baby! And I never had one.

Then along came Brookelle...

in May...one year ago today...

Also known as:
Miss B
Brookie May
Brookelle-y
Brookelle-y, Brookelle-y (said back to back in a sing-song manner)
Lil' Stink
Stinker Poo
Sweetie Pie
Little Missy
Bubba
Brookells
B-Kelle (does that sound too much like a High School drill team?)
Baby
Baby Brookelle-y
Cutie Pie
"B"
{Oh my goodness, is she going to even know her REAL name?!?}

I've had to hear what the naysayers told me...

"5 Kids? That's too many!"

"Having a baby at YOUR age? Oh....."

"How old will you be before you're done raising your last one?"

"Just when you got all your kids potty trained, you're starting over again?"

"You were so close to 'freedom.' Your youngest would've been in Preschool this year, then one year 'til Kindergarten, two years 'til 1st Grade - ALL children in ALL DAY school."

"How can you afford 5 kids?"

Many times it's just the "Are-you-out-of-your-mind?" or "I-feel-so-sorry-for-you!" look.

blah. blah. blah

Their statements MIGHT be true...

But, just LOOK at what I would've missed out on this last year if I'd been so stuck on "my plan."

It's a wonderful thing - discovering Heavenly Father's plan for your life and going with that instead!

{Couldn't you just eat her up with a spoon?!!}

During these 1 through 12 months, if we've said it once, we've said it a hundred times...

"What would we do without Brookelle?"

I don't even want to imagine that.

To think that we almost didn't have her....it's a tragedy! It brings tears to my eyes.

We have thoroughly enjoyed this little baby! Every day, I still get to see Matt just "tickled pink" about her. I catch him just smiling to himself - and sometimes just bursts out into satisfied laughter - as he watches her and holds her. What. A. Stud! We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her so much! And that goes for our WHOLE family. With the birth of Brookelle, she became "OUR baby" - not just "Suzanne & Matt's baby" like it was with our others. Everyone seemed to be old enough to participate in this baby experience and make it unique & special. Everyone has showered her with love & attention. I have had so many "baby helpers." We just think she is so cute and sweet and fun and adorable and funny and clever and precious! And Brookelle accepts us all back as "her world."

And she means the world to us!

Again, I say...

"What would we do without Brookelle?"

She has been such a good baby - just the way a 5th child ought to be! ;) I have really been able to cherish her so much [More than when I was a young(er) Mom.] We are so thankful to have been blessed with her in our Family & Home. This alteration to "my plan" couldn't have worked out better - it IS the best for me!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, BROOKELLE!!!

(Yet, I still say "5" is an ODD number!)

Excuse me, now, while I go freak out because MY BABY is ONE!

Miss B slept for 12 hours last night!!!

(12 hrs. AND 5 min. to be exact.)

We've been working towards this goal for a LONG time!

(11 months AND 4 days to be exact.)

So, WHY am I still tired?

Miss B is now 10 1/2 months old. Historically, by this point in time, I have been decreasing the number of nursing sessions a day - with eventual weaning being the object. NOT SO with her. I have been unable to decrease due to the fact that she threatens me by becoming a non-sleeper (nap time & nighttime). In fact, I have been going the other way, I'm afraid - I've been increasing thanks to our Spring Break travels. Being in a different crib and sleeping in the same room as us DOES NOT create a blissful, sleeping atmosphere! So, there was a whole lotta nursing going on trying to combat this.

My fear is she will never want to give it up. Of course, that was my fear with all the others, too, since they all L.O.V.E.D. it so much, but it happened! They were not as dependent on it for sleep, however.

I do have some deadlines to beat. I need to be done and have her be sleeping perfectly by our 15 year Anniversary vacation in September. If that happens, then she wouldn't have to come along on her siblings' Birthday Disneyland trips in the Fall, either. Also, is it too much to ask to maybe have this accomplished by early summer, so I can go on a Business trip with Matt? And so my summer tops will fit better? And so I can run/do Aerobics/train for the Aug. Triathlon without injuring myself? And so I can't be so easily identified by others upon just merely looking at me? ("Oh, yeah, she's definitely nursing!") And that maybe sometimes I could pull off NOT wearing a bra - without looking atrocious?...OK, that one probably IS asking too much! :)

This is where Matt's fear comes in...what is going to happen to the "sisters" when it's all OVER for good? Just how small & low can they go? :)

Another Mobile Bites the Dust

I guess 7 1/2 months is too OLD for a Mobile!
After a while, the mobile just blends into the scenery, ya know - didn't notice it much at all, really.

UNTIL I came into the Nursery to get Miss B up from her nap, and this is what I found!!

The "arm" had been snapped right off by, I'm certain, a reaching baby with a death grip who can't resist GRABBING everything!

Why can't we seem to keep mobiles around?!?

This is our 3rd mobile we've had for our Children! Aren't you suppose to be able to buy baby gear once and then use it for ALL your children? Not us, we've averaged a mobile for every 1.6 of our children! (Their destroying tendencies start early - we produce a sort of "destructive geniuses!")

Not that I was really needing it again, but I could've sold it to Kid to Kid for $$$ or given it to someone else who has a "little Princess" (it had those words on it) baby...

After I was picking up the pieces, I did see a sticker on the mobile (in the back, out of view) which read:

FROM BIRTH TO 5 MONTHS.

CAUTION

Possible entanglement injury. Keep out of Baby's Reach. Remove mobile from crib or playpen when Baby begins to push up on hands or knees.

Oh.

I guess if she's doing "Downward Dog" she falls into the above mentioned category!!

Had I read that sticker before?

If I had, it was surely at the peak of my "Post Partum coma!"

And I can't be held accountable.

How's a wigged out Mom suppose to remember that?!?

Who cares about the missed opportunity for 10 BUCKS from K to K - Thank goodness we escaped entanglement!! (X5)

You Lookin' at Me?!?

Oftentimes, when talking to Brookelle, we all shower her with all kinds of gushy words of affection & compliments (all in the high, falsetto voice tone, of course!)

Overheard lately at the Brenchley home:
Ryan: "You're just the cutest, little thing!"

Kyle: "It's soo fun having a baby around!"

Katelyn: "WE HAVE A BABY - It's BETTER now!"

Mom: "I just LOVE you SO much!"

Haylee: "Mom! Hurry! Come take a picture! Brookelle is doing the PERFECT picture!"

Dad: "You're just so KISSABLE -- almost as kissable as your mother!" (Oh, but that's another subject.) :)

Kyle: "You're so precious."

Ryan: "What was it like without Brookelle? I just don't want to imagine it."

Katelyn: "Let me give you a hug!" (repeat 4X)

Haylee: "I'm so glad we had Brookelle!"

Mom: "You've gotta be my CUTEST baby ever!" (No offense to child #1 - 4, but I think it might be true, OR maybe I just can't remember!)

AND THEN the conversation STOPPER...

Dad: "We better keep on having them if they're just getting cuter & cuter!!"

If that were the case, then one of YOU lucky contestants would be raising All My Children since I'd be in the LOONY BIN, for sure! :) (It's very likely I should be there already!)

SUCKER!!

I got Katelyn's pictures back and there's a story to go with them....
I went to Target Portrait Studios with a coupon. It was good for a FREE 8 X 10 and then $3.99/sheet. I planned on getting some 5 x 7s, 3 1/2 x 5s, and wallets for a total of $11.97, right?!?
After they took some pictures of Katelyn...

They said, "Would you like to be in some pictures with her?"
I said, "Oh, no! I don't look good, today."

They said, "How about just your arm?"

I said, "I'm not wearing a nice shirt."

They said, "Just roll up your sleeve."

And we took a few pictures together. And they were CUTE!

I also had Brookelle with me...

They said, "Would you like to have some together with the baby?"

I said, "Oh, no! I literally whisked her from her crib, sleeping, to come here. She's not ready!"

They said, "Babies are always adorable!"

I said, "I don't want her picture taken in this outfit."

They said, "It's very cute with just a diaper on. We have a diaper cover in black or white. Which one do you want?"

What I didn't say, "She's got poop leaking out her diaper & I left the diaper bag in the car!"

I said, "Do you have a bow for her hair?" I didn't have a chance to put one on."

They said, "No...BUT, she's got enough hair, she'll look great without one."

And so the two girls took some pictures together. And they were CUTE! (I'm not sure if poop got on their black diaper cover or not. Hey! They wanted me to do it!)

And I walked out of there spending $53.20! That's a 444% increase above projected budget!

Needless to say, the next time one of our kids was due for pictures, I sent Matt. He took detailed notes of what I wanted and walked out of there spending $11.97!

She's getting SO big!

I heard this at least 10 times at church on Sunday. Everytime someone stopped to talk to me, that's what they said! I know she is - and IT'S SAD! With my first, I wanted him to hurry and get big cuz I thought, "This is so hard when they're babies!" Now, I'm more in the "let them stay little" attitude! (Just as long as they sleep through the night, take good naps, and don't cry all the time- even when you're not holding them!) She weighs 14 lbs. 7 ozs. and is 25 1/2 inches long...in our Dr's words, "She is tall & skinny!" WOW! How would that be?!? :)

Anyway, Brookelle is now 5 months old - and she is THE Rock Star at our house, let me tell ya!! Even though I've been through this age & stage four times before, I'm still amused by it!

She can frequently be found:

• In her crib in the morning/after a nap soaking wet and with poop covering half her body, clothes, blankets, and bed sheets. (well, maybe I'm not so amused at this one!)


• Sucking her thumb for comfort - interestingly enough, this just started and she hasn't picked one hand - she does both! (Siri, you might not think this is amusing ;))

Grunting at/"Talking back" loudly to the Relief Society Instructor during her lesson.

Grabbing her feet and pulling them to her mouth - yuummm! (Have YOU tried doing this lately? I have - it's a very difficult trick!)

Playing in her Supersaucer - or more like she's sitting in it, but all her bros & sisters are playing with it in front of her!

Doing "baby push-ups" (as the kids have named it.)

Watching Mom like a hawk whenever she's in the room with a look that says, "Don't you dare think about leaving this place without feeding me first!"

Flirting with anyone who'll talk/give attention to her.

Farting/exploding noisily without inhibitions in any [quiet] public place to her little heart's content - I just always pray, "Please don't let them think it's ME!" (but she's a good excuse if it is! heehee!)

Funny how it all starts and ends with poop at this age!

A Semiconscious Summer

Summer's over??? Really?!? When did that happen? It's pretty much been a blur for me! I warned my children that this summer was going to be a very different summer since we were starting it out by having a BRAND NEW BABY! Usually our summer is filled with activities like getting a season pass to some local swimming pool/water park, going on field trips, to the park, to summer movies, attending community events/parades/fairs/plays, running the Farmington Festival Days 5K/10K, going to the Library's special guest appearances, and most recently flying around on JetBlue, etc, etc, etc....NOT THIS SUMMER!

I can't really remember when the days turned to night and then to day again, let alone what went on this summer, but I found some pictures to remind me....

OH YEAH! I was holding the baby...

Nursing the baby...

Changing the baby...

And putting the baby to sleep... (and myself apparently!)

REPEAT...REPEAT...REPEAT...

As for the kids...

Ryan had to play hand-held Yahtzee

Kyle had to draw

Haylee had to "pretend" she was swimming & "practice" anywhere she could

Katelyn took all opportunities to splash & get wet in the bathroom sink since she wasn't at the pool

And then she would change her clothes a couple times a day for entertainment (& because the other ones were WET!)

And we actually opened some ROOK cards that have been sitting in our game closet for a LOOONG time (there was a coupon in the deck that expired in 1998) and used them!

And, as you can see, the kids messed around with the camera taking random pictures, as well!

All I can say is It's a GOOD THING the Olympics were on to give everyone some excitement for a couple of weeks!
But, seriously, I must thank my sisters, Beeb & Michelle for letting my kids come stay & play for several days. And my Visiting Teacher, too, invited them over to hang out and even fed them lunch - they were in heaven! Plus, my friend, Shawnette did take them once a week to the movie or her "home theatre" or to the park. So, thanks for doing all that, so the summer wasn't a TOTAL FLOP! :)

Where did it go? I'm still in shock - I missed it!