After
I "failed" my at-home sleep test, I was referred to The Sleep Institute of Utah for a Sleep Study.
Immediately, I had images of laying on a cold, metal operating-like table, not even wide enough to accommodate rolling over for the study. Additionally, I pictured the
bed table to be in the middle of an equally cold-in-appearance room complete with cinder block walls, hospital tile, and observation windows all around.
Are you able to imagine what I was thinking?How's a girl to sleep in that kind of environment?They also told me to arrive at 10:00 PM (no problem) and that they'd be waking me up around 5:00 AM the next morning. Now THAT was a problem! I know many people get up that early all the time, but not me! I like to avoid ever doing that. For me, knowing I'd be woken up that early just started the anxiety and
dread of a bad night's sleep
a week before I ever arrived for my appointment!
Could I get out of it?A couple of days before the appointment, they emailed me the details (and the 10+ page forms to fill out) of what to expect the night of my study. I guess I was clueless to the ins and outs of sleep studies because I was shocked (and bothered) to find out that I would have 20 different electrodes attached to different places on my body! TWENTY! Not three, not ten, but twenty. Like 2-0.
- 4 onto my head
- 1 behind each ear
- 1 on my forehead
- 1 by each eye
- 2 on either side of my chin
- 2 on my upper body/torso
- 2 on each shin of my leg
- 1 under my nose
- 2 respiratory belts, 1 around my chest and 1 around my abdomen
- 1 on my finger, the oximeter that I already had at home - and failed that test, which put me in this predicament anyway!
Aaaauugh!
Again, I say, How's a girl suppose to sleep with all that garb on?
The pamphlet responded this way, "Surprising, most people sleep fairly well in the sleep lab. The sensors are attached in such a manner allowing you to turn and move during sleep. Generally, you will not be aware of the wires during most of the night."
Yeah, right. Bull Crap. Whatever. Blah, Blah, that is the biggest lie I ever heard!Notice their use of the words of "most," "fairly," and "generally" to cover their butts?
And by the way, generally speaking, I'm fairly sure I am NOT most people!
The anxiety builds some more a couple of days before I ever arrived for my appointment! I wasn't thinking, WHAT IF I don't sleep well in the lab? I was thinking, There's NO WAY I'm going to sleep AT ALL in the lab!
They call me the day before the study to confirm - apparently they find this necessary - I'm assuming it's because others have had thoughts of trying to get out of it like myself - or just "No Show" altogether! (That was sounding like a pretty good idea about then!)
The gal on the phone did clear up my misconceptions about the operating-table-as-a-bed issue I had. She assured me that it is like a REAL bedroom, with a REAL bed, my own bathroom, a T.V., pillows (plural), and carpet. (and a nightstand covered with machines is all!) She was talking in the sweet, you'll-be-just-fine tone of voice, reciting all the "perks" of my future bedroom - even bragging it was nicer than her own at home. She thought she'd had me "sold" (and she kind of did) when she tried to wrap up the call by asking, "Do you have any other questions?"
Of course I did.
I asked her if I was going to be watched.
She paused.
Uh Oh.
She told me that no one would be IN my room watching me, but there was a camera in the room that fed the live footage into monitors out in the office that the technician would be able to see. She tried to gloss it over by saying that I'm not being watched that much - only if my readings got all wacky would they look at the monitor...blah, blah blah...but I'd stopped listening by then. I was now worried about changing into my jammies as to NOT be caught on camera and which ones I should wear, for that matter! (The information packet did instruct me to wear modest ones, however...) ;)
For some strange reason, I couldn't get the 80's song, "I Always Feel like Somebody's Watchin' Me" out of my head the rest of the day!
{You're all singing that song now, aren't you?}
{Except for you young pups who had yet to even be conceived in the 80's.}
My anxiety increases again the day before I ever arrived for my appointment.
One thing, other than not sleeping, that I was worried about was the bra situation. To wear or not to wear? I usually don't when I go to bed. In fact, it's the best part of my day, taking that harness bra off! :) But, it's NOT a pretty sight...and I was going to be watched, remember, not to mention have 20 electrodes attached all over my body by someone else!
What to do, what to do?
I finally decided to wear this [fuchsia] "sports bra" that I have. I use that "sports" term lightly since this particular bra would NEVER withstand me jogging in it, so not a whole lotta substance [READ: bridling power] but it was something and I thought it seemed somewhat inconspicuous (except for the color, I guess) and was more comfy than a REAL bra, as to not interfere with my sleep. HA! As if anything could help me there.
I went with some long sleeve, long pant, total coverage jammies and changed in the bathroom - with the door closed. I considered going into the shower with that door shut, too, but hoped that there were no hidden cameras in the bathroom - that would just be sick and wrong, right? Later, while the technician was applying electrodes to my body, she had to thread a wire down my top to attach to my side, on my bare skin...and she ran into the "bra barrier."
She asked in a strange tone, "Do you sleep in a bra?"
To which I pretty much fibbed, "It's a 'sleep bra.'"
The T.V. was bigger than any of the ones in my home (which isn't saying much) and was a flat screen mounted to the wall - only problem was....they didn't get any T.V. channels in their building! Nice! That makes total sense! But they had DVDs. They put on the movie, Liar, Liar, which I hadn't seen in a long time, so it was a good one to watch, appropriately so because we were already lying to each other.
We were all done with the "hook ups" by 11:00 PM.
Now what was I suppose to do?
Sleep? Well, ppfff! That wasn't going to happen. Even at home, under normal circumstance (is there such a thing as "normal?") I don't go to bed at 11:00.
Remember those anxiety levels? You guessed it - rising! How am I going to fall asleep so early? How am I going to fall asleep at all?
So, they said I could watch the rest of Liar, Liar. I felt like a child being told when I had to go to bed. OK, if I let you stay up and watch the rest of this movie, then you need to promise to go to bed, OK?
Usually, at home, during these "quiet hours" I'm doing my "stuff" so I felt quite uncomfortable. Since I'd feel guilty doing nothing, I brought my check book and budget notebook to do in bed. Because what can put you at ease better than coming face to face with your financial state? :) I'm very logical like that! It's quite difficult to write with wires and foreign objects attached to your hand, ya know that?! That bought me some time until 11:30 PM.
Then came the test to see if everything was working.
I was instructed to:
Open & shut my eyes
Look left, right, left
Open & shut my mouth
Grind my teeth
Say, "ya, ya, ya"
Breathe in, breathe out
Do the "pressing-on-the-gas-pedal" motion with both feet
Breathe with my abdomen, chest, nose, etc.
Do the hokey, pokey and turn myself around
That got me to 11:40PM.
I passed that test - no faulty equipment....
But, that was the only test I would pass that night!
And then I had to go to the bathroom! Oh no! I'm gonna get all tangled up walking over there, I thought. Wonder if the wires fall in the toilet - will I be electrocuted? Could they get in the "line of fire" and I accidentally pee on them? Has anyone else peed on these very wires that are now connected to me? I'm just gonna hold it, that's what I'll do. But, then I'll be up all night having to go to the bathroom. Wonder if I do fall asleep and then have one of those dreams....that I'm sitting on the toilet....peeing....and then wake up to realize I AM peeing the bed!? I wonder if anyone's ever wet the bed during their sleep study? How embarrassing!
That's it, I was going to go to the bathroom. I tried to disconnect my thousand wires to free myself to leave the bed and it must've set off some alarms because before I knew it, the technician was in my room to prevent that crazy lady from going AWAL assist me...And she waited until I was done to connect me back up. I really don't like going to the bathroom when someone is on the other side of the door!
Obviously, I have issues!
Truth be told, I usually fall asleep with the T.V. on in my room every night. Matt will turn it off when he's done watching - or when I wake up in the middle of the night to discover the bright colored there's-no-programs-on-T.V.-right-now lines shining up our room and Matt asleep in the sitting position - whichever comes first.
I know that's an unhealthy habit, so I doubted that the Sleep Institute would allow me this. Plus, I didn't want to admit to them about what was happening in my bedroom. The T.V. part, that is! ;)
But, Liar, Liar ended and they must've sensed my apprehension and they let it stay on - and put in another movie, Two Weeks Notice, but it was "lights out" at midnight.
Those two movies are now going to forever cause me sleep problems, which is unfortunate since I quite enjoy them!
According to the technician, I only made it through the first 10 minutes of the movie, though. See? T.V. will put me right to sleep!
But, I woke up a couple of times later before the movie was over.
And also when she came in the room to turn off the T.V.
And at 1:12. And 1:54. And 2:26. And 2:59. And 3:33. And 4:05. And 4:41. And at 5:00 when the cute, little old lady a couple of doors down woke up and they were doing her morning questionnaire/de-wiring....You get the picture.
They let me sleep until 6:00AM. Yippee! Apparently, right before she was going to wake me up in the morning, I went into REM sleep. So, she let me be. See? I knew there was a reason I have an aversion to 5:00AM awakenings - it's when I'm having my best sleep of the night!! But, when they did wake me, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck and was totally yawning during the interview.
They sent me on my way - but before I left, I changed into some clothes in the bathroom - with the door closed again. I opted out of using their shower since I was still unclear on the hidden camera situation in the bathroom.
They told me it could take 1-2 weeks for the results.
I didn't need a Dr. to look at the report, I knew what they'd find, I slept like crap!
Then they sent their conclusions to my referring Dr., who in turn had her assistant call me. But, the assistant wouldn't tell me over the phone (she claimed inability to read their report) and got me to make an appointment. (What a clever tactic to get another co-pay from me and $100 from my Insurance company!) So, some more time goes by before I can see that Dr.
Recently, after all the run-around, I found out what's going on. Basically, I relax so completely (because I'm dead tired?) that my oxygen levels drop during the night to levels low enough that the Dr. told me they put patients in the hospital for (if they were to have that same level during wakefulness.) I've always said I wanted to die in my sleep - looks like I just might!
The oxygen drops happened about 9 times an hour, but the most significant drops (less than 90%) occur during my REM (deep, restorative) sleep. I was told that the body automatically protects itself, so my body is avoiding REM sleep to protect itself from the suffering that oxygen drops cause. So, without sufficient REM sleep, they found out that I am Chronically Sleep Deprived.
Their solution? Return to the sleep laboratory for CPAP titration study.
You've got to be kidding me! I do not have Sleep Apnea. There was no snoring going on! I do not need a CPAP machine!
(They just don't know what to do with me, is my theory.)
I told them, "No Way, Jose!"
And I left the Dr's office. All I had wanted from that particular Dr. anyways was bio-identical hormones, and she didn't deliver.
The End.
Is this "elation?"
"Puppy Dog"ish
"Grit and Bear It"
"Bewitched" (Who remembers that show? Probably not the ones who didn't know this song I mentioned - or these. Classic! I always tried to do the magic mouth movement like Samantha, but couldn't - without the same results, obviously, too.)
"Provoked" (What did "Not Me" do to her?)
"Doped"
"Stupified"
"Sneering"
"Adorable"
