Christmas Morning.....Didn't quite Start Out the way it was Supposed to.

In our family, we all line up and enter the Family Room together, at the same time, on Christmas morning (no one is allowed to go in there on their own before the agreed upon time).
First, everyone kind of just looks around, and finds "their" spot where their things have been left, and then they sit down and soak it all in.

 

Then, everyone is free to leisurely go through their stockings and see what is in them - and act ALL excited AND thankful AND jubilant!!!  :)
After that, we start opening presents, in turn, one by one.

So....we all got seated, AND BEFORE WE'D OPENED EVEN ONE PRESENT, all of a sudden, Kyle says, "Look, I cut my hand!" as he holds up his hand in front of Matt's face.

From across the room, in my dazed state (very LATE nights/mornings for the previous few nights), I look over and I can't figure out WHAT he's talking about.  I mean, we've literally ONLY been in the family room a couple of minutes TOPS, so HOW do you cut your hand by just sitting there or pulling things out of your stocking???

Did Santa put something sharp in there?

Since my mind was running so slowly, I was just staring and thinking, but no words actually made it out of my mouth.  (I know - shocker, huh?!?)
Matt, on the other hand, immediately asks, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" 

Apparently, Kyle had wanted to open up some socks that he got, and he took Matt's Swiss Army knife (without him noticing) to cut those plastic barbs that hold new socks together.

AND he missed or slipped, and got his finger.

Matt informed him (& everyone) that ONLY HE should touch the knife!

So, then Kyle started to bleed pretty good, so Matt told him to get over to the kitchen, so we could get a towel to put pressure on it (and so the blood wouldn't drip on the couch/carpet!)

But, then he started to get freaked out by the blood.
Side note: he has a history of this - NOT doing well at the sight or thought of blood. ;)  In fact, earlier this year, when all the kids had to go in for labs, Kyle about passed out and was given a ice pack and had to lay down.  Katelyn locked herself in the bathroom, crying.  And Brookelle was totally calm and fine and cooperated perfectly and was done in 20 seconds.  Hmmm....what is wrong with this picture?!?  ;)

But, when Kyle got up to move to the kitchen, he started to feel faint, so we had him sit down in a chair.

And then his face got all white.

And he started to sweat.

And breathe irregularly.

And was demanding to know how bad it was bleeding, as he was bouncing his foot up and down and putting his head down on the table and groaning.

Meanwhile, Matt & I are playing nurse/doctor.  I go to get or look for cloths and gauze and Neosporin and antiseptic spray and butterfly band-aids (couldn't find a single one!) and Matt applied pressure and performed all the treatment.  And the girls just continued to look through their Christmas stockings - No, I'm sure they were worried sick about their brother instead!  ;)

It was difficult to ignore the mayhem going on in the kitchen!!

Well, Kyle was feeling sick - that was for sure - he thought he was going to throw up, so I went looking for our bucket.  It wasn't in it's usual spot, and I was told to go look in Katelyn's room since she had felt sick in the middle of the night.  So, I go up to her room, and I found it......WITH vomit in it already!  So, then I go to the bathroom and rinse it out, then run back downstairs with the clean bucket for Kyle.  Luckily, he hadn't needed it yet.

Then Kyle says he can't feel his hand.
Or his arms.
And his head hurts.
His skin looks kind of gray, too.
And then he starts to apologizing for taking his dad's knife!  (His form of "death bed repentance?")

I get him a drink of water and a cold washcloth, his sister comes to his side and rubs his back.
Matt stops the bleeding, and dresses the wound after multiple attempts on the tricky finger bends, but Kyle doesn't even want to lift his head up to look at the damage.

We finally get him back to the couch, and laid him down, put his head on a pillow, feet elevated, and cover him with a blanket.....because NOW he has the chills (and he wants the cut hand to be out of sight!)
His face was still super white (it was funny/not funny)...and his previous enthusiasm for Christmas morning had disappeared!

So, not the way we normally start out Christmas morning.  ;)

So, about an hour later than intended, we resumed our stocking discovery and eventually started opening gifts, too.

And then took a break when a special Skype call came in:

It ended up to be just what the doctor ordered.  Because Kyle was able to perk back up for that! 

Close Lipped Kyle

Last night, Kyle went out with some friends.  I knew he got picked up from our house by his two friends, "Friend 1" and "Friend 2."  But, then later, at the end of the night, when he texted asking if I could come pick him up, he was at "Friend 3's" house.
While I was driving him home, I was asking questions about his evening, curious as to why he was no longer with "Friend 1" and "Friend 2" who he started off with, and how he ended up at someone else's house.

Me: "So, you guys just decided to go over to 'Friend 3's' house?"
Him: "Ya."
Me:  "All three of you?  'Friend 1,' 'Friend 2,' and you?"
Him: "Well, I think 'Friend 1' went home."
Me: "And 'Friend 2?'"
Him: "He must've walked home." (he lives closer to this kid)
Me: "Just now or earlier in the evening?"
Him: "Just a little earlier."
Me: "So, did 'Friend 3' call you and invite you over, or did you guys just show up?"
Him: "We just decided to go over there."
Me: "Did you go there right after they picked you up, or did you do something else first?"
Him: "Almost right after."
Me: "So, what did you do when your friends very first picked you up from our home?"
Him: "Well, first we went driving around."
Me: "Driving around where?"
Him: "Well, we were going over to see 'Female Friend 1' at her house."
Me: "And, did you?"
 
We talked for about 5 whole minutes about what happened (which wasn't totally making sense to me, thus, LOTS of questions) BEFORE he finally [and casually] mentioned that "Friend 1," the driver of the car he was in, got into an accident while they were on their way to "Female Friend 1's" house - towards the beginning of the night!!! 

(Everyone was OKAY).
Did he just experience a "slip of the mind" about the accident during my previous 20 QUESTIONS, or what?!?  ;) 
The cops came to the scene to fill out an accident report and everything.  (And they did test "Female Friend 1" to come outside...to see them, BTW.) Then, "Friend 1" had to go home to face "the wrath of his mother" whose nice car he happened to be driving.  And, that's why Kyle was no longer with him, and was at "Friend 3's" house instead - "Friend 1's" evening out with friends was over, and he had to drop them off somewhere else.

Had I not had an "inquiring mind," he maybe wouldn't have even "disclosed" that slight, little detail of the evening!  It's just one of my many roles in my "job description" as a Mom: INVESTIGATOR.

What a contrast, though, he is to his older brother who, at times, was too much of a chatterbox - in fact, we actually have had to say, "Stop talking" to him sometimes in the past.  Whereas, Kyle tries to get away with as few words as possible - as if he believes he only has a limited number of words in his lifetime, and he doesn't want to use them all up too early!  ;) 

If You Confuse the Gas Pedal for the Brake.......

......you end up with this:

{And a traumatized teenager.}

It was a "Perfect Storm" that played a part in the "incident":

• The State of Utah says they can get a Learner's Permit when 15 yrs. old....so he's old enough to get a Learner's Permit, but not old enough to enroll in the actual Driver's Ed. class, yet.  (Which means he's just suppose to practice driving with his parents in the meantime.)
• He had only had three practice driving sessions under his belt so far; one in the church parking lot, two on a real road.
• His dad is not equipped with a voice that can carry with enough volume when yelling the word, "STOP!" or "TURN LEFT." OR with a quick reflex, in his state of shock, to reach over and crank the steering wheel away from the brick column.

Oh, the joys of having teenage drivers!
No wonder the cost of insuring a TEENAGE BOY is sky high!

To make it [kind of] a little bit funny.....on their drive (just a minute before the "incident"), they passed one of our son's friends who was walking home, and Matt yelled out the window (jokingly), "Sam, stay off the roads!"
Needless to say, when the brick column tumbled over, it made a very loud noise.
Sam heard it, but didn't see it, from down the street where he was still walking and he (jokingly) texted our son, "What was that noise? Did you run over another curb?" (because that's what happened on a previous practice drive).
Our son later texted him back, "Not quite."

Told You So

I have this little sign in my home:

It speaks the plain truth!

(Although no one wants to admit it!)

Case(s) in point:

• My two youngest daughters think it IS ABSURD that I tell them to put their shoes away, WHEN they take them off, in their closet, that it will make their life (& mine) so much easier.  (At least, I'm assuming they think it's absurd since they totally ignore my counsel on this matter.)     AND THEN, they frequently get to experience the mad dash, frantic searching, & whining/tears which comes from not being able to find their shoes - and often still produces no shoes - and results in being late to school, church, & dance lessons.
• Since Friday is "early out" from school and really the only day that works out to play with friends after school, I tell my oldest daughter that she should do all of her reading before school, so she is free to play after.  Well, apparently it's another absurd idea because it's much more fun to just hang around doing nothing before school!       AND THEN, she has this one friend who seriously calls to play THE MINUTE she walks in the door from school.  And guess what?!?  She can't play since her reading is not done.  This is followed by MUCH weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
• My friend's daughter's basketball team had a couple players get injured and they were now short on players and asked about my daughter playing with them.  When I mentioned it to her, she protested, I don't want to play!  I told her it would be fun and she would be good - she's quite tall, after all.  Her sports lovin' older brother actually told her she didn't have a choice, that she WOULD play ball!  ;)  She went out in the garage to practice dribbling, and she tripped over some boards and fell down, so she shouted/cried at me, You should've never gotten me into this!  I told her not to trip on boards - there wouldn't be any on a real basketball court - and that she needs to try it and she would have a good time.     AND THEN, she did go play in the basketball game.  She was all smiles whenever she looked at us in the "stands" and beaming afterwards.  Her first words to me at the end of the game?  "I want to sign up to play basketball next year!!"
•  I tell my family to keep their elbows off the table.  They think I'm being too proper, that I'm obsessed with "old school" manners in our own home.     AND THEN, we average 9.2 spills a week.
• I function by the "A place for everything and everything in it's place" idea and like to tell my family members this quote. NO ONE else in my home buys into this.  Why would they?  It's SO MUCH easier to just drop things along the way without paying any attention.    AND THEN, *someone's* wallet is ALWAYS missing (along with all their money!) when they need to go somewhere with it.
• I've suggested an "after school routine" for my very distractable, can't-remember-what-she's-doing-when-she-walks-from-one-room-to-the-next daughter.  It goes like this:

4:00 Arrive Home

4-4:15 After school snack

4:15-4:30  ONE page of assigned homework

4:30-4:50 Practice piano

4:50-5:10 Read

So, by 5:15, she is DONE with EVERYTHING, and FREE to do whatever she wants until bedtime!!! 

She has chosen NOT to adhere to this whatsoever UP UNTIL last week (when we had to have a "duct tape intervention."  Meaning we took all 23 rolls away from her until she could go a week demonstrating responsibility & initiative.)  So, she follows the schedule, and she discovers what "free time" with no checking up from parents feels like - what a novel idea!!!  And she says to me, "This is so great!  Why haven't I been doing this all along?!?"

• But, probably THE BIGGEST "I told you so" incidences that's been on my mind [almost constantly] this week has something to do with the fact that after being a 3 car family for just a mere 5 1/2 weeks, we are back to being a 2 car family.  This is a result of our 3rd car now being deemed "undriveable" due to its extensive damage it has sustained by it's *driver* who was driving it in a way that was contrary to the ways I had always told them to drive!  Let alone, what really COULD HAVE happened to the *driver* if they weren't so lucky blessed to come out unharmed - at least physically!!!  But, what do I know?  I grew up in the 80's!  (*that person's* favorite line to say to me.)  As if "defensive driving" was ONLY applicable when I was in my youth!?!  

 Grrrrrr!
What do they say?  You learn 20% of what your hear, but 80% of what you experience.  You have to experience it to learn it.

And then it still comes back to this:

Pick Your Pain

This is what I did this morning......because who can think of ANYTHING MORE FUN to do on a Friday morning?!?

I hurt my back two weeks ago and I have been in pain ever since, so WHAT'S A LITTLE MORE PAIN, right?  ;)

I actually took the liberty to interpret the "Annual" recommendation for mammograms pretty loosely!  Like almost two years liberty.  BUT, I figured since I had FOUR (4!) in one year between 2011-12 (while they figured out I just have "junk in my ducts"), then that still averages out to be one a year since I turned 40!  ;)

When I finally decided to call in to make the appointment last Monday, it shocked me that they could see me in 4 days time!!!

I wasn't ready for that....what about mental preparation?

At first, I thought I could excuse myself out of it because Kindergarten gets out early on Fridays and I wouldn't be back in time, so I asked how long it would take.  The receptionist said 45 minutes --  from arrival to departure.  45 minutes?  WHAT medical related appointment ever takes just 45 minutes??

But, I went - and she was TRUE TO HER WORD!  I walked in at 9:25 and walked out at 10:10.

Here's some observations I had in those 45 minutes:

~We (myself & other ladies) waited in a waiting room (duh!) but were then, individually, called back to some desks on one side of the room, that were kind of separated from the waiting area by a half wall.  There, we would officially "check in" with a secretary type person.  I THINK this part is suppose to be private - they were asking us questions and such - BUT I COULD TOTALLY HEAR EACH & EVERY QUESTION THEY ASKED ALL THE PATIENTS THEY CALLED OVER while I sat waiting several feet away!!!

~To the office's credit, they do have an awesome flat screen TV on the wall of the waiting area that shows kind of like a scenery movie.  There are peaceful and beautiful scenes of waterfalls, and trees with really green foliage, and flowing streams, etc. all playing to the background music of soothing piano melodies.

*I MAY have closed my eyes while I was sitting there!*  ;)

It's a good idea to have it in their clinic -- maybe it's an attempt to get people's minds off what is about to happen to them!?  OR to distract us from hearing the other patients discussion with the secretaries about their previous "emergency contact" is now their ex-husband, whether or not they can speak English, if they are an organ donor, the details of their boob history, and their financial situation.

Which reminds me, one of my "favorites" I have saved on AccuRadio is called "Romantic Piano" - it's the beautiful sounds of the world's most versatile instrument.  That station is for when things get too crazy around here - like during the "witching hours"  (weekdays 4-6 p.m.)

~In the locker room, there were a bunch of robes monogrammed with their clinic's name & logo (Think what you see in nice hotels or spas).  But, the technician who took me back said that they were all the same size -- AND they were TOO SMALL in the shoulders to fit....so just put on the cape thing.  SO, WHAT'S THE POINT?!?  Don't tease us like that!

~While the technician was positioning me on the "smash machine," she informed me she's done a previous mammogram of mine.  Based on WHEN she made the comment, I thought she had said that because she recognized my breasts as ones she's handled before!  I was kind of stunned (freaked out) UNTIL I realized, she had just looked at my history on the computer in the room and it showed all the dates and people who had performed the tests.  whew! 
But, ya know what?!?  I'm pretty good at remembering details, but I DID NOT recognize her at all, let alone recall having her as my mammogram technician in the past!  Just goes to show that I must have blocked my previous experiences due to the high level of stress/discomfort - Repressed Memory is real!  (Even though it's controversial in the psychology world!)

~Considering the state of my aching back, it was even more difficult to follow all her instructions of:
Lean in
Put your other foot forward
Look the other way
Relax your arm
Pull your stomach back out of the way
Bring your armpit down to the plate
Chin up
Hair out of the way
Hold your breath
Don't Move
Do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself about

My back has been hurting pretty bad in a NORMAL POSITION, but it hurt even worse GETTING INTO [the correct] POSITION there!

BUT, for the actual SMASH moments for the four different images they took.....Guess What?!?.....I did not notice the pain in my back!
It was trumped by the pain in my boobs!

Only One Casuality for a Klutz Like Me!

Our Young Women group at church is going to have a "RED HOT SUMMER!" 

"Red" as in "READ."  

Meaning, starting now and by the end of the Summer, we'll all have READ the entire Book of Mormon!

We're using an all-things-red theme to carry out this project.

(I dressed in a red outfit with red shoes to present it to the girls, we'll have red treat rewards,
handouts on red paper, red scripture marking pencils, a "red hot retreat" in the middle of it, etc.)

So, to get ready for this project, I had a "few" books to cover in red fleece with a red ribbon book mark.....
using a Glue Gun.

Which "attacked" badly enough ONLY ONCE to leave a battle wound - pretty good, revolutionary really,  
considering it was......ME involved!  ;)

***********

If you want to have a "Read Hot Summer" also, THIS is the reading schedule we are following:

http://ldsscripturetools.com/

What Could've Been (or A Pity Party on a Friday Night)

Tonight we were SUPPOSE TO be getting on a plane to fly out to Cancun.

This was our "replacement vacation" for our failed Cruise attempt back in February.

Matt & I (no kids) had a week long reservation at an ADULTS ONLY All Inclusive Resort on the beach in Cancun, The Golden Parnassus.

We had a room booked with breathtaking views of Nichupte Lagoon and the Caribbean beyond.

 

We were going to eat to our heart's (tummy's?) content at any or all of the six restaurants at OUR resort and/or the ten restaurants at it's sister resort down the road.

We wanted to take advantage of the Spa part of the Resort, too.

BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED!!!

Which pretty much creates all kids of problems for a vacation like this.

 Matt can't even walk on his own, so....

I present to you Problem #1:

He can't bend his leg either.

Problem #2:

And he can't even get his knee wet.....

Problem #3:

{"They" say the Ocean's crashing waves against ruptured knees is also BAD = Problem #4}

And if he can't even drive a car, how is he going to manage any of these?

{Problem #5}

That "SUPPOSE TO" phrase I opened this post with, was the key word.  NEEDLESS TO SAY, we had to cancel our vacation.

{Boo hoo hoo.  Bwaaaahhhhhh!}

And, tonight, instead of flying to Paradise, I stayed home - on a Friday night - being crafty:

 

(Which would you rather be doing?) ;)

Imagine that:  TWO failed vacation attempts so far in 2013.

Don't you wish you had my "LUCK?"

The Things He'll Do for [the love of] March Madness

Once upon a time my husband's Young Men's basketball team at church went all the way to the Region Tournament.  It was one of THE BEST times of his whole entire life.  He has NEVER forgotten that memory!  He never tires of talking about, thinking about, reliving with the boys "The Glory Days." 

{Matt #32 on the front row, far right}

So much so, that one year for Christmas several years ago, I gave him a "Church Ball" DVD that had all the old video taped footage of games on it.  He considers that one of his favorite gifts of all time.  (Until I gave him THIS gift.)

Welllll.....Because of his past experience, which created an extreme fondness for Church Ball, he's always  wanted to keep on playing it - he can't give it up - even today, 27 years later.  His biggest error of judgement, though, is NOT realizing (accepting?) he no longer is playing with his 14 yr. old legs & body!

Which leads us to a couple of weeks ago, when during a game, he jumped up for a rebound, and when he landed, he just fell to the ground in a crumpled heap.

Then he yelled out.

Everyone stopped, including me on the sidelines, and stared at him laying there on the court.

Then he started to pound the floor with his fist and chanted, "It's Bad!  It's Bad!"

The other guys reached out their hands to him to help him back up.

But, he informed them HE COULDN'T MOVE!

In the end, all those guys found one of the 6 ft. long folding tables at the church and transferred him onto that (amidst his yells of pain for them touching/moving his leg) and carried him out, Pallbearer Style, to my make shift Hearse (mini van with all the back seats removed or folded down into the floor.)

(Nice dinosaur-cell-phone pics)

We then spent the next couple of hours in the E.R.
{Complete with more yelling as they roughly handled his leg}
The E.R. was very familiar with Church Ball injuries - they all guessed correctly when they found out he'd been playing basketball that evening.

The Findings:  A Ruptured Patellar Tendon

They sent him home with his left leg in an immobilizing brace and pain killers, and instructions to contact our Orthopedic for necessary surgery (Who has a personal orthopedic?  Not us.)

Which led to Matt going under the knife four days later.

Pre-Op room at TOSH

Both Matt & the Surgeon had to each confirm & agree (with a written "yes") which leg would be cut open.

Can you tell that there's no "shape" to his knee?  The knee cap in floating up in his quad.

Miss B says Matt looks like "a Baker" with his required sterile head wear on!  ;)

It took him a [longer than expected time] to come out of the anesthesia.  When they finally allowed me into the Recovery Room, his eyes showed NO SIGN of recognition when I came into his view at his bedside!  And then the Effects lasted for a while..... 

I (the instructions were for "a responsible adult" - and he got ME) had to stay with him for the first 24 hrs. to monitor his state.

He was cold and requested the heater, and then he was hot and wanted the A/C.

He thought I was going up hills and down valleys on the ride home even though I was driving straight on the freeway.  

He said a lot of wacky things and asked all these questions that I finally just started replying, "Don't worry about it!" to him.  

At one point, he started playing his Japanese music through his SmartPhone and he held it up to his ear and was singing along (in Japanese) out loud.  

But, I think the funniest thing had to be when he was sitting in the La-Z-Boy and he, all of a sudden, says, "Do I have a THIRD nipple?" as he's feeling across his chest.  Then he lifted up his shirt and found this:

Apparently, the surgery team had failed to remove all the probes from his body before they released him!  ;)

Over the last couple of weeks, I've added another title to my duties:  Full-time Nurse.
I've been administering all his medication, (& documenting all his meds intake since I can't remember it all in my distracted brain), assisting with transfers, hooking up his ice machine, unhooking his ice machine, refilling his ice machine, aiding with bathing, toileting, dressing & grooming, chauffeuring, guiding him up & down stairs, calling the Dr. with reports of too much pain, calling my Pharmacist friend for advise on a better pain meds plan, calling the Dr. back with my suggestions for new meds - which they TOTALLY hate - and which makes Matt/me look like we are "addicts" asking for drugs, remove dressing wrap on knee (while wearing blue sterile gloves), perform infection inspection, re-bandaging his incision site, reposition for comfort, put on socks, take off socks, turn off the lights & tuck him into bed.

THUS the lack of New Posts to this Blog!

That first week, post-surgery, I felt like I had a newborn again, because I was setting my alarm to wake up every three hours to give meds, or take him to the bathroom, or change the ice.  And then when we or I tried to go anywhere, it took twice as long because I had to do a 10-point check list and get all our equipment before I was ready. 
Thank goodness we had people bring us in dinner the first several evenings since I had no time for that!!

It also happened to be the beginning of MARCH MADNESS, and since he had to be down anyway......he didn't miss a game!  Hmmmmm.....great timing!  Was this REALLY an "accident?" ;)   j/k.

He has to be in a straight-leg brace to immobilize his leg for 6 weeks, and then be in rehab for four months.

These days Matt can be seen wearing sport shorts or pants (the only clothes that work over the brace) and attractive panty hose (full-length compression socks), hobbling around on crutches.

He's come to reconsider if [Old Man's] Church Ball is even worth it.  What?!?  I never thought I'd hear him utter any such thing!  ;)

Irony

I got rear ended today while driving in Salt Lake City.

While waiting for the cops to show up, we pulled over to the side of the road.  I turned my car around and parked behind him......

......and I noticed his van had one of THESE bumper stickers on the back:

 {But it had his REAL 1-800 number to call on the 2nd line}

 But, maybe he should consider changing it out for one of these instead:

hahaha :)

Another reason why I should just stay home!

I've Been Having a "Ton of Fun" Lately

• This week I had my third mammogram in the last eight and a half months. YES, 3 TIMES IN 8 1/2 MONTHS!!! AND.....get this.....I get to go in AGAIN for my 4th in three more months. Now, THAT is a lot of smashin' going on! So much for delaying my first-ever mammo experience, I've more than made up for it, now. Apparently, I am not "textbook normal" and so that's put them in "appointment scheduling overdrive" while they try to figure me out. When I ask them questions, they reply, "I don't know." These "Medical Professionals" are quite impressive, wouldn't you agree?!? They deserve every bit of that HUGE salary they make to be able to give......the same answers my 3 yr. old does!

• I was feeling a little bit sad and paranoid after a local teen was hit by a car and killed this week while walking his bike across a crosswalk (I know! So terrible.) So, I decided I wanted to pick up Kyle at the Jr. High School after his track practice instead of letting him walk home. I arrived at 4:15 and couldn't see him. I waited out front. I drove around to the side of the school. I talked with a couple of the kids I saw there who either:

a) didn't know anything
b) hadn't seen him
c) told me track practice had been over for a while

So, I headed back home at 4:25, taking a different route in case he had started to walk and I had missed him on my way there. I arrived home at 4:28 without ever seeing him.
At 4:30 my phone rang. It was Kyle asking for a ride home from the school. I got back in the car......

• A chappy/red/rash looking thing has appeared under my lip (so lovely) this week, (great! Just in time for my 20 year mission reunion tonight) So, I have been putting Desitin on it in an attempt to get rid of it. When the kids see me, they're like, "MOM! Wash that toothpaste off your face! You look stupid!" I have opted not to correct them on this matter - in case this story "leaks" at school or during a Home Teaching visit, as it often does, I figure toothpaste sounds a lot better than butt paste!

• While pruning in the yard this week in preparation for our city's annual "Spring Cleanup" pick up of leaves, limbs, and branches, I was attacking a rose bush. The branch was a tough one. I was squeezing those pruners with all my might, crouching down to get more leverage, when I was finally able to cut all the way through....and the upper branch flipped and slammed down on top of my head, with a big thorn aligned just right to pierce my scalp and draw blood.

• I have been getting phone calls daily from, according to my caller ID:

"New Co"
"California"
"Operation Lookout"
"Chicago, IL"
"Name Unknown"
"PacificTel"
"American Express Customer Service"
"Name Unavailable"
"Beehive Bail Bonds"
and the like.
AND I'm on the "DO NOT CALL" list.

• I was out of lipstick, so I went to the store and bought some, along with some other things, this week. When I got home, I unloaded the bags and the "other things" were all there. The lipstick? NOT THERE. I had the privilege of returning all the way back to the store to retrieve it, since I actually wanted the product - I didn't want to pay for it just for giggles. The store clerk claimed he'd bagged it. Upon searching the area, it was found on the check out counter, unbagged. Does this new purchase have something to do with the redness issue mentioned above?

• It's allergy season! My body is reacting by sneezing violently multiple times in a row. Seriously, I can't even catch my breath when the sneezing starts; a-chu, a-chu, a-chu, a-chu, a chu, a-chu, A-CHUUUU! (or maintain bladder control.)

See, like I said, FUN, FUN!

Didn't mean to make y'all jealous.

So, what have you been up to lately? Anything "fun?"

Hello! McFly!

My [brilliant] firstborn came upstairs the other night - right around the time when things are suppose to be [finally] winding down, the kids are in bed asleep, or at least they're not seen by me and I have a moment to breathe - and he declared,

"Ummm, I think I have a problem."

As he held out his arm to show us the damage.

He had a plastic piece of one of my other children's money bank stuck - SUCTIONED rather - to his arm!
OK - first off....WHY does he feel the need to dissect banks? And toys, contents of drawers, garbage cans, and a myriad of other household objects for that matter. Why can't he just LEAVE. THINGS. ALONE. (and nice & neat & clean and in pristine condition. OK, so maybe that's too lofty of a wish).
And secondly....WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
Probably something along the lines of "I wonder what would happen if I put a 10-inch in diameter plastic tube on my 12-inch in diameter bare skin arm?"
And then he definitely found out.
We were tugging and pulling and twisting -- all with no luck.
We used water and Vaseline and Pam cooking spray -- and it wouldn't budge.

I worried if it would cut off all circulation to his arm and would lead to his arm self-detaching.

His Dad, unamused, informed him, "This is the kind of thing that will land you in the E.R."
And I'm thinking, Oh great, that's all I need. I was just settling down for the evening!
Ryan was only mildly embarrassed with all his dad's inquiries about his intelligence.

I started to brainstorm of all the people I knew who had Power Tools that could be used in the emergency removal of this foreign object that refused to come off his arm.

At one point, his dad instructed him to stand opposite of him, facing him, hold his arm out straight in front of him, put his hand in a fist against Matt's stomach. Then Matt pulled down on the bank piece his direction and Ryan leaned back the other way.
The tube didn't budge - it looked like it might, but it didn't.
But Ryan did exclaim, "Man, Dad, you've got Abs of Steel!" (Pretty remarkable for Ryan to say that considering all the non-compliments he'd just been getting from his Dad!)
Since the previous procedure looked so promising while I'd been observing it, I decided to repeat it, but this time with ME on the opposite side of Ryan, pulling it down with his fist bracing against MY bowl-full of jelly stomach. I didn't get it off either.
And incidentally, I received NO comments from Ryan, so I went ahead and asked him, "So, do I have Abs of Steel?"
To which he responded, "Not so much!"

Eventually, we did get it off - at home. Thanks to the commotion that brought our quiet evening to a halt, Katelyn came out of her room and gave us an idea to try which did the trick!

Ryan NEVER was able to come up with an explanation as to WHY he did it, however.

Falling Upon Deaf Ears

THIS would've never happened IF....

My child would've listened to me the past 4 years when I told her repeatedly
NOT to slam the sliding glass door closed.

AND

She would've listened to me throughout the entire weekend when I told her repeatedly,
"Leave your sister alone!"

AND

That same child would've listened to me the previous 10 minutes leading up to the accident when I told her repeatedly to
sit down in her chair and stay there & eat her dinner.

**Sometimes I think our parents & grandparents were on to something when they used the paddle (or belt, or wooden spoon, or foot to the butt) to get us to listen AND obey...& as a result "Learn a Lesson!**

2 Nephi 9:31 is TRUE!! She better shape up! :)

I already knew that heads bleed A LOT, but what I didn't know was that little 16-month old fingers that have nearly been sliced off DO, TOO!! :(

ANYWAY, How was your nice, long UEA weekend?