I've Been Fired

I have a 15 year old.

He will be a 16 year old in a little less than four months. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN, I WANT TO KNOW!!?!
He is enrolled in Driver's Ed at school right now.
(He has flunked one Simulation Test, so far.)

He says it's because we never take him out driving. (always the parents' fault, ya know.)

It's true, he isn't choppin' away at his 40-hours-of-driving-with-10 hours-of-it-being-at night-requirement in order to get himself a Driver's License. There's this funny little rule about ONLY driving with adults....and when am I EVER in the car WITHOUT other little ones in tow?

I think he's completed about 35 minutes, to date.

Well, recently, we were at our church, and no kids were in the car, just Matt & I, and he asked if he could drive. (Sure?)

FIRST, Matt moved the car out of it's current parking spot that was flanked with two other cars and pulled into a parking spot with vacancies on each side of it -- THEN turned the wheel over to Ryan.

So, Ryan puts the car in reverse and starts backing out of the parking space -- WHILE LOOKING OUT THE FRONT WINDSHIELD!!

"LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!" I shrieked.

He slams on the brakes, and I explain to him (unemotionally and quietly, of course! HA!) that he needs to turn his head and WATCH where he's going!

So, he proceeds again to back out of the parking space, while looking out the back window at where he's going -- BUT GUNS IT while doing so!

"BRAKE, BRAKE, BRAKE!" I shrilled.

He slams on the brakes again.

"Mom is going to make me FREAK OUT!" he bemoaned.

Mr. Calm (Matt) suggests to him, to just let off the brake, instead of using the gas, and the car will move naturally.

So, he did that, and it did!

He turned into our driveway. Oh no! I hadn't considered that scenario when we told him he could drive! I had images of him smashing in the garage door, or taking out the door frame on the way in. Our driveway goes down slightly before the garage, but he didn't adjust his pressure on the gas pedal for this -- we were APPROACHING THE GARAGE DOOR TOO RAPIDLY for my liking!

"STOP, STOP, STOP!" I screeched.

"Mom can't do this." Matt declared with finality.

And that's the story of how I got fired.
{Honestly, I'm quite OK with this!}

So, this will be interesting. Mr. Procrastination and Procrastination Jr. are now in it together and fully in charge of getting in 39 hours and 25 minutes more of driving in the next 15 weeks.

A Minute Matters

Here's how my day went a couple of days ago.

(It just so happened to be a day that I was catching a flight.)

Our flight departed at 11:20 a.m. and our plan was to leave our home at 9:20 a.m.
.....but you know how that goes. Wait! Do you? Or am I the only one who rarely makes their "scheduled time of departure?" (I first tried to abbreviate that, but it had a bad result! :))

We ran into a few delays.

1. Miss B's red shoes (and she HAD to wear her red ones - she's her mother's daughter!) were no where to be found around our place. But upon replaying, in my mind, her whereabouts the last time I saw her wearing them, I was led to my next door neighbor's yard. I eventually located them in the very last place I looked - on their back deck swing.
2. I had gotten in the car to go, but then went back into the house to get an apple, since I'm trying really hard to get "5 a day" for a month, and I knew it would be hard on a travel day.
3. We stopped at someone's house to drop off a check (that couldn't wait until we returned from being out of town.)
4. I called the Jr. High on the way there, since I had forgotten to call when I was still at home earlier like I had intended, to get Kyle checked out of school to go with us. The drive only takes a couple of minutes, so when we arrived, he hadn't had enough time to get out front yet and we had to wait.
5. Then I remembered that I had failed to bring any books to read on the trip, so we swung back by the house and I grabbed the stack of books I had left on the dryer.
6. Matt dropped Kyle and I off at the airport terminal curb, at least an hour and 10 minutes BEFORE our flight, while he went to park the car.
7. Kyle and I got all checked in for our flight and dropped off our bags, and then sat down in some chairs by the escalator leading up to the security check point to wait for Matt. There were four different groups with "Welcome Home Elder" banners waiting with baited breath for their missionaries to come down - it provided good entertainment while we waited, about 20 min.
8. Matt came to where we were and went up to the Security Line (in Terminal 2). He came back down and said it seemed pretty long and suggested we go over to the International Terminal since that one is always less busy.
9. We speed-walked over to the International Terminal and saw a sign blocking the entrance informing us that it was closed between 10:00 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. It was 10:28 a.m.
10. We half-jogged back over to Terminal 2 and got in the security line, which was very long - much too long for Matt's liking.
11. Matt left us in line there and jogged over to Terminal 1 to check out that security line. He called me and told me he thought it was shorter over there and that we should come over there with him.
12. Kyle and I jogged over to Terminal 1 and got in line with Matt.
    
13. Did I mention I was wearing new clogs for the first time? That were not broken in, yet? Not exactly great jogging shoes.
14. We waited in that Security Line. And waited. 10 minutes. And moved forward little by little. 20 minutes. And zigged back and forth in the line. 30 minutes. And the clock ticked forward.
15. RIGHT WHEN we got to the front of the line, a bunch of First Class and wheelchair passengers both came through in their respective lines and our line stopped for a while.
16. After going through the body scanning machine, I got pulled aside for a "pocket check" (done by a female TSA agent, with the back of her hands) and swabbed for explosives powder on my palms.
17. Matt & Kyle took off sprinting to our gate. I trailed behind in my clogs, running on the moving sidewalks - what a sight. (I now have a line of bruising across the top of my instep!)
    
18. Our gate was D-11....clear down at the END of the hall. Remember, we were in Terminal 1, where the "A" gates are. Of course, our gate couldn't have been any of the "C" gates, or even gate D 1-6, which are also Delta airlines gates - AND were CLOSER!
19. Matt arrived at gate D-11 at 11:11 a.m. The plane was to depart at 11:20 a.m. (whew!) BUT the door was already closed.
    
20. The Delta airport employee informed us (with a stone-face and NO compassion in her attitude) that they close the door 10 minutes before departure. One minute too late! THE PLANE WAS STILL SITTING THERE at the end of the jet bridge, but we were denied boarding!

If ANY of these events/situations would've been different, that ONE minute wouldn't have even been an issue! Matt about made himself crazy thinking about, "If only we would have/wouldn't have __________." If the shoes would've been in Miss B's closet. If we would've taken the check over the night before. If I hadn't wanted a book. If we wouldn't have waited for Matt. If we wouldn't have played "Musical Security Lines." If the departure would've been from a "C" gate. If only Delta employees were as awesome as our JetBlue crewmembers. (I'm not biased! :) There's a reason we've won SEVEN consecutive J.D. Power & Associates awards for best airline.) etc. etc.

Man! All this "experience" we have with air travel, ever since I became an airline crewmember 4 1/2 years ago, and we're still learning......

I tell my kids ALL THE TIME that every minute counts (a minute wasted here, a minute wasted there) and they don't believe me -- well, here's PROOF!

{We got on the next flight FOUR hours later!}

Is 50% a Passing Score?

I discovered Pinterest. Have you?
It has ideas galore that you can SAVE to your own "Pin Board" if you want to file it away for future reference. It solves the problem of having to remember where you saw something that you really wanted to try and you were for sure not going to forget.....but then you did!

Anyway, I came across this "Road Trip Questionnaire" for couples to play together. And since we had a road trip coming up, I printed it off. It took the. whole. entire. drive. from St. George back up to Farmington -- and we still didn't both complete all 50 questions -- because one of us (I'll let you guess which one) has to think....and think.....and think about every answer for no less than three minutes. And these were the answers about themself - shouldn't you be the expert on yourself? Shouldn't you be able to just rattle off your favorite dessert? Dream Vacation? Favorite meal?

I've been together with Matt for 18 years now - I was pretty confident I could get the majority right.

WRONG!

I got 50%.

What?!?

What kind of pathetic wife only half-way knows her husband? I believe 50% would earn my High School and Jr. High School kids an "F" on their report cards.....AND they'd be grounded until they got their grade up!!! Do I deserve to be grounded now? But, then I remembered in my High School Calculus class, my teacher's whole goal was for his students to PASS the A.P. Calculus test at the end of the year. A score of 50% would get you a passing score (a score of 3, with a 5 being the highest), so he gave an "A" in his class to all students who had 50% or higher, because that was good enough to pass the test! So, if I look at it that way, I didn't do so bad, huh?!?

AND, if you consider that my husband got a 32%, then I REALLY didn't do so bad! :) hahaha.

WAIT, should I be laughing now - or crying?!?

Some of the answers weren't completely WRONG, they were just probably in the #2 - #5 range instead of "the most" or "the best" or "the favorite" of that particular subject - and since you could pick ONE answer, we missed a lot.

But, I did not know that my husband's Biggest Fear is The Ocean.
Or that his Favorite Childhood Memory is Listening to Christmas Music.
Or that if he could go ANYWHERE in the world on VACATION, it would be Okinawa, Japan (his mission) (What happened to the Canary Islands?)
Or that he considers his Biggest Achievement to Date being married in the temple and having five children.

So glad we did this - I'll be ready next time! :)

I thought it was interesting that when he was asked what MY favorite candy is, he answered Ju-Ju Hearts or [fruit] Mentos (which I DO like, but it was not my official answer of Wild Berry Skittles). To which I wondered (out loud) If he thinks or knows those are my favorites, WHY did NONE of those make it into my "Junk Box" for my birthday a few weeks before?!? (?) (?) (?)

He also thought that my Least Favorite Household Chore was doing dishes. I guess he thought that since I never do them - he always does. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that he made a promise to always do the dishes like 15 years ago - and I wouldn't want to be the cause of him breaking his promise now, would I? :)
(My least favorite is really cleaning out the refrigerator. Bleahhh!)

He overestimated my goodness when he answered that my favorite magazine was The Ensign. How shallow I felt when it was revealed that I had written down People magazine. (woops!) (my "guilty pleasure" while standing in the grocery store check out line)

He also thinks that The Best Compliment I Have Ever Received is that I have nice, tan, shapely legs. Uummmmm.....has he seen me lately?!? Or does he not think I've had any compliments since that WAS true 25 years ago?

I had to laugh so hard when my answer to What Turns You Off? was told (SLACKER, narrow-minded, rude, egotistical people) and Matt replied, "Oh, so _________ turns you off?" {he inserted a real person's name that I won't put out there on this blog.} He thought I'd described that person to a "T" ~ hahaha.

So, excuse me while I go earn some brownie points with my man by buying him green clothes (his favorite color) or even better, green M & M's ;). I'm gonna make him Ribeye Steak & Sweet Potato Pie for dinner (his favorite meal) - better yet, let's just go to Ruth's Chris since they do it with perfection. Stock up his stash of Symphony [with toffee] bars (his favorite candy), do his weeding for him (his least favorite chore), walk around barefoot (his favorite physical feature on me), and let him watch Star Wars (his favorite movie) to his heart's content.

Also, I've got some studying to do, so I can get a more respectable score! :)

The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same

While going through a [bottom] desk drawer, I came upon these "Behavior Modification" Charts we used with the kids approximately six (maybe more) years ago. Their ages back then would've been Haylee - 3, Kyle - 5 1/2, Ryan - 9.

The "program" was designed to reward good behaviors by giving "points" every time they demonstrated that particular good behavior. We also had a corresponding Rewards Chart [not found in above mentioned drawer] with a list of a bunch of privileges along with the number of points required to EARN that privilege. As soon as they had enough points, they could do/get whatever.

The good behaviors listed on their charts were actually behaviors that we felt the children were struggling with. (Blunt explanation: they were ACTING THE OPPOSITE most of the time!!) So, basically, they had to REALLY try HARD to get points since these went against their natural tendencies.

Check out what behaviors we were working on (at the time, only the oldest 3 were involved with doing this - Miss B wasn't even thought of yet, and Katelyn was still an angel infant!) :)


Ryan's List (in case you can't see it): Think Before Acting, Jobs Without Reminding, Encourage Others, Bedtime, Kind & Pleasant to Brother and Sisters, Answer/Listen to Mom & Dad The FIRST Time, Finish Task Without Being Called Back or Reminded, Make it to Bed ON TIME Without Reminders.

Kyle's List: Say Please & Thank You, Be Honest, Listen, Talk It Over.


Haylee's List: Share & Take Turns, Use Kind Words/Voice, Cooperate w/ Hair, Dressing, Potty, Keep Hands to Self, Say "YES" to Mom and Dad, Nice Hands, Soft Hands, "No Crying, No Whining", Pick up Toys.

The thing that cracked me up when I saw these was that 6+ years later, at ages 9 1/2, 12, and 15 1/2....THEY STILL HAVE THESE SAME STRUGGLES....just in a more grown up version.

My parenting techniques are super AWESOME and EFFECTIVE, eh?!?

And, on the same subject, Matt recently found some cards/letters/love notes that we had written to each other over the years and he wanted me to read them. I was reading one he'd written to me while we were engaged - it was just a few weeks before our wedding date - August 1994. Here's an excerpt:
"...I am trying my best to get rid of one of my biggest weaknesses - Procrastination. Be patient with me, hon..."

Did I mention that our Camry didn't pass the emissions test when Matt took it in on 9/29? It had to be registered by the end of September. In order to pass and be legally registered, the Camry would need a new catalytic converter thing-a-ma-bob....BEFORE the end of the month.

:)

Did you also know that if someone were to make a "Behavior Modification" chart for me,
"BE PATIENT" would be on the list? (with below average points earned!)

Yep, the more things change, the more they stay the same!

Warning: THIS Can Become Addicting!

Do you know about this website?

http://1saleaday.com/

Every day it features a GREAT DEAL -- Can you say 75% OFF? 88% OFF? 93% OFF? -- in each of these five categories: Random, Jewelry, Wireless, Family, Watches.

I bought this recently and L-O-V-E IT!



It is a Rachel Ray Furi Essential sharp and store 7" knife.
(The kids are fascinated with the ORANGE color - especially Kyle [his fave] but there is a STRICT NO TOUCH rule for children!)

It retails for $42.00-$58.00.

I got it for $17.99!!!

And I about started to cry when I was cutting my first onion with it. AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE [tear inducing effects of an] ONION!!! It was so smooth and easy and I hardly had to apply pressure = wonderful! What a difference a GOOD knife makes! And every time I store it back inside the "case" it will sharpen automatically!

I wonder what will be For Sale tomorrow?!?

This is the Story of my Life

It was the story when my boys were toddlers.

It was the story when my boys were preschoolers.

It was the story when my boys were "little boys."

It was the story when my boys were "Big Boys."

It was the story in their "Tweens."

And, believe it or not, It's STILL the story of 15 1/2 and almost-12 yr. old "Young Men!"

When does this story end?!?

It's really great for trying to sell a home, let me tell ya! @$%&*?! New damages all the time!

******
NO LIE....just as I was about to hit "publish post".... Kyle bobbled his football he was tossing about in the Living Room and it went right into the plant cart!
GO get the broom!!

******
P.S. I LOVE Family Circus comic strip

I decorate with newspaper clippings taped to my door. I DECORATE with NEWSPAPER clippings TAPED to my door??

I walked down the hall to my bedroom this week, and this is what I saw...

Here's a closer look...

Can you guess who it was from?!?

I knew right away that this was a "friendly" gesture from our own resident High Schooler, a Viewmont Viking (I can hardly utter the words!), to his mother, a Bountiful Braves Alumni.

(The two schools happened to have the biggest rivalry going on back in my day.)
I hear things are a little different today, though.

His siblings also experienced great delight in the joke that was played on Mom! A good ol' Rub in the Face. (Notice how he underlined the word, "again.")

I ask -- WHERE have I gone wrong as a Mother?!? Apparently I have not passed on to my offspring a proper love of "the mighty Red and Gray." WHY are they not bowing down three times and singing the praises of BHS every time we're in the neighborhood and drive by my awesome High School? And, even worse, WHY are they fond of the enemy?

I tried to tell them when I was doing my recent Triathlon, the running route took me right up the street in front of that other school (Viewmont), and it was like Kryptonite to my body. While VHS was in sight, I. COULD. NOT. RUN. FAST(ER). Walkers were passing me!
Seriously, it was the slowest leg of my run. My feet were in cement - all the positive energy was drained right out of me.

They didn't believe me one bit.

They attributed my weakness to a myriad of other things (age, uphill conditions, improper breakfast, the weather, a Monday morning, weight, inexperience, non-athleticism, bad hair day, Facebook illiterate, etc.)

But that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

The newspaper clipping "accidentally" ended up in the garbage.
Tragic! :)

I Can't Plug my Nose for That Long

Dear Lady with the Stinky Feet sitting next to me at the Theatre last night,

PLEASE....You can't do that to people!!
The smell fills up the whole row!
(and it was my birthday.)

May I suggest you either:

• wash your feet
• launder your socks
• don't shower in your socks (like my nephew did!)
  
• refrain from walking in gutters with running water/snow/streams in your sneakers and then not airing them out properly
• put your shoes through a washing machine cycle
• spray febreeze all over the insides of your shoes
  
• get new sneakers
• and if you can't afford to buy a new pair, enter this contest for the prize money - you're sure to win! (since the contest is only for children ages 5-15, you'll have to have one of them use YOUR sneakers in your behalf! But it's also proof this should be MORE of a "child's problem.")
  
• wear a different pair of shoes out in public
  
• give me your address and I will personally ship you some of these
• find a new [honest] "Theatre friend" -- Friends don't let friends come to the Theatre with stinky feet!
  

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Tender Nostrils

Tuesday

With a new High Schooler this year, who has to catch the bus at 6:50a.m. - yes, as in 6:50 in the morning - we've had to move our family scripture reading time up to 6:30a.m. now.

Oh...it's painful to get up so early (with my late nights @ work)...my eyes hardly even work to read properly!

BUT, one day a week, TUESDAY, the High School has "late start" where they start a whole hour later than normal. So, we get to "sleep in" that one day, and we move scripture reading time until 7:30a.m. But, that also doesn't give Kyle enough time to walk/ride his bike to Jr. High School on time, so I agreed to drive him on Tuesdays since I've gotta PROTECT my one sleeping in day!

Today is Tuesday - which meant I drove Kyle, my 7th Grader to school. This is now the 4th week of school, but the emotion that rises to the surface as I watch him leave my car and head into the [big, bad] Jr. High on those days hasn't gone away yet. It totally surprised me on the first day of school when I actually felt SAD when I dropped him off!

What was happening?

Usually, in the past, I didn't have one ounce of understanding for mothers who cried or freaked out on the first day of school. I have always referred to it as "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!" Have I turned into One of THEM?!!?

I think the big issue is that Kyle seems so little.

So innocent.

So young.

So nice.

So NOT a Jr. High student.

It doesn't just seem this way - it is this way, because technically, he isn't old enough to be in Jr. High since way back when he skipped a grade. He's only 11 yrs. old - his age difference compared to his grade has never been blatantly obvious to me until this year -- and the truth is I feel scared and stressed for him when I see him heading in to the "lone and dreary world." Because Jr. High can be a terrifying interesting place. Every time I've driven him to school, I think silently in my mind, "You're Not in Kansas Elementary School anymore!" and then I'm hit with a wave of sadness. This doesn't happen to me when I say good-bye to him from our home, it's just those few times, so far, that I've actually witnessed him going into the lion's den. And I stay parked in front of the school (he doesn't know this, because he never gives me another look back) until I see him run up to the building, (a sure sign of a little 7th grader!) and go inside the doors, all the way out of my sight -- feeling I should save him, but knowing I have to let him go.

I asked him if there were some tall 9th graders at his school.

YES!! Some are as big as Dad!

So, picture this:

9th Grader - 6'3" & 205 lbs.

Kyle - 4'10" & 80 lbs.


Got the picture? Maybe this will help.

9th Grader:

Kyle:

Tuesdays do weird things to me!

For the record, he claims everything is "OK." (Still not a man of many words!)

Lo, and Behold!

An old lady with a non-athletic looking body,
who is laden with foot/knee/hip/back ailments
went and got herself 3rd Place in the triathlon today, female age 30-49 division.

(And, for the record, it's totally not fair to be grouped together with those 30 yr. old young chicks!!!)

{Instead of trophies or ribbons, they gave out hard hats with your place printed on it -- because it's LABOR DAY -- ya get it?!?}

Kinda cute...and interesting, but definitely an addition to our costume box! :)

This should be a TESTAMENT to everyone....ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!