The Things You Learn on Daytime Television

I am in San Diego with my husband this week.  It is work-related for him, it is R & R-related for me.  Since Matt leaves early in the mornings for his conference, and is involved in it most the day, I get to do whatever I wish - which MAY involve doing a lot or not much at all.

So, my first day looked like this:
Still totally dead asleep when Matt left before 7:00 in the morning.  (I don't even recall him leaving).
Totally dead asleep at 8:00 a.m.
Dead asleep at 9:00 a.m.
Still totally dead asleep at 9:30 a.m. when I'm suddenly awakened by repeated knocking on the hotel room door -- and someone calling through the door, "In-Room Dining."
I hopped out of bed lickity-split (in just my underwear), and decided putting on the "complimentary" hotel robe would be the quickest way to "get dressed." (meanwhile, the knocking continues).  But, I can't get the dang robe off the hanger in the closet fast enough. (and the hotel employee is still calling out, announcing her presence and the delivery of my breakfast).  Then, I get the robe off the hanger, but the belt is wound around the robe a few times and tied (for display purposes) and I fumble with that tie, trying to get it undone so I can get the robe on, and I can't do it! (knocking, knocking, calling, calling).  I finally get the tie off, put my arms in the sleeves, and pull the robe shut - except it doesn't exactly close all the way from my mid-thighs down....(knocking and calling)...so, I just tie the belt anyway and open the door to greet her in all my stunning, morning glory.  Luckily, it was a woman, and the hotel room was completely dark still (love those room darkening shades!) so maybe she didn't notice?  Yeah, right.
So, then I ate before it got any colder, after already having sat a while during the time it took for me to answer the door.
And since I was awake, I decided I might as well "start" my day, so I took off that ill-fitting robe and put on my pajamas!  ;)
And then I turned on the T.V., the laptop, my iPad, and my cell phone and had a nice little rotation going with all of them!  ;)
I THOUGHT about getting in my exercise, going shopping, or laying out by the pool....but I just didn't quite get past the lounging part!

It was during all this lounging that I heard something on a television program (The Meredith Viera Show) that caught my attention and, quite frankly, shocked the heck out of me!  The show has a segment called, "What's Hot Now" where a panel weighs in on some of the hottest news making headlines.
Here was the topic:
(Warning:  Reader Discretion Advised, especially for "proper" persons-from-my-parents'-generation-or-older)

BRIDE magazine had an article about what newlywed couples are REALLY doing on their wedding night......and it's NOT having sex.
Their findings showed that more than HALF were not.

(Shaking my head, eyes popping open, jaw dropped, stunned look on my face)

What?!?

Come Again?

Did I hear that correctly? 

My first thought was; is it because they've ALREADY been living/sleeping together, so it's not the main event?

As opposed to us, in our religion, due to a principle we believe in called The Law of Chastity, we most likely wouldn't pass up the earliest possible chance to consummate the marriage!  (And most engagements are relatively short because of that same belief).

So, according to the article, what are the couples doing on their wedding night, instead?
71% of brides report they were removing bobby pins (Ya know, I'd always wished my hair would've been long enough when I got married to do a pretty "up do," but it wasn't.....maybe I don't regret that after all, learning this!)
20% of couples were counting their cash
20some odd% of bride & grooms spent it in the Emergency Room
and
21% of newly married couples were updating their facebook relationship status'.

Really?!? 

And the main reasons why?
Exhaustion and Drunkeness.
(Before the information from the poll was revealed on the show, one of the guys on the panel guessed it was because they spent so much time taking selfies, then putting them on social media - haha)

Mormons still are exhausted after the long string of events and celebrations, but.....I guess that's another advantage to having a dry, Mormon wedding -- we're not too drunk to have sex. {wink, wink}


By the way, I did eventually make it OUTSIDE my San Diego hotel room that first day, showered and dressed by afternoon - it was a great morning (in spite of the disturbing news).

When Your Broncos Make It to the Super Bowl.....

Your husband's "DREAM" of the last gazillion years, all of a sudden becomes a "NEED!"

Such a funny phenomenon.....No?  ;)

To fulfill my need, I think I'll take off to Hawaii this week.  Seriously.

Good Bye! 

Simple Surprises

I went on a trip last week, and I had quite the streak of Good Luck.  Or maybe more than luck - just a bunch of happy things that happened.....which left me pleasantly surprised.  They weren't HUGE events, necessarily, so I'll call them "Simple Surprises."

1. Southwest Airlines has Diet Dr. Pepper as a drink choice on their flights!
2. There are GAMES like Connect 4 and Solitaire on the treadmill - it really HELPS the workout go by faster!
3. The "mystery guest artists" at The Grand Ol' Opry didn't end up being a mystery....it turns out Mark Wills sings "19 Somethin',"  "And the Crowd Goes Wild," and "Don't laugh at Me."   And Brett Eldridge sings, "Don't Ya"...all of which I knew!
4. The operator politely called me by name when I called to ask a question!
5. The factory outlet mall was actually pretty close to our hotel (within walking distance) instead of far away like we'd thought it looked from the taxi!
6. I didn't throw up the raw oyster I ate, right out of the shell, at THIS restaurant, in the presence of 5 people who were egging encouraging me on.
7. I was ID'd - that means the "bouncer" COULDN'T TELL IF I was over 21 or not, right?!?  And it has nothing to do with it being policy or anything.....  ;)
8. The Nashville airport provided foot covers (like the ones you'd wear in open houses) for us to go through security - I always think it is gross to walk on the floor in my bare feet when I have to take off my flip flops!
9. When I got done eating my Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory apple pie flavored apple, there were moist towelettes in the bottom of the bag - just what I needed!
10. There was Dish TV access on my iPad on one of the flights I took - I finally watched several of the episodes from season 8 of The Office for the first time.  I'm only 2 years being the times!
11. My girls GOT ON (standby) a "100% booked" flight....and we're able to sit by their Dad!
12. My Jamba Juice gift card money had NOT expired even after a couple years of non-use!
13. I came upon a "test" security checkpoint, where we didn't have to take off our shoes, remove our liquids from our bag, unload our laptops, or any of the usual things except pretty much walk through - that's as EXPEDITED as security can be!

This Weekend:

* Started off with Brookelle swallowing a marble on accident.
It scared her pretty bad!
Weird that all of a sudden we're all interested 
and concerned with her pooping times & details.
As of today NO marble has been "recovered" yet!  
 
* I used a spa gift certificate I got for Christmas

for a 75 min. aromatherapy massage.  

I can tell I'm getting OLD

because it wasn't all nice & comfortable and relaxing 

like it has been in years past!

Sometimes I felt a bit of discomfort -- due to my

old tight, strained, stiff, stressed, spasming muscles!

* Went to Ryan's last regular season Basketball game.

Their opponent was last year's VHS Sophomore team.

Needless to say, they got SMOKED!  

The other team even started with one guy down, and they still led the entire game!

My hope was that they could just prevent a "total BLOW OUT."

 Meaning NOT letting the other team win by 30 points or more. 

They accomplished this!  yea!

* Watched "Love Story" on Netflix.  (Me, not Matt)

It is a 1970 romantic drama.

{the year of my birth}

Is it weird that I liked some of the clothes/coats

the actors wore?
  "Love means never having to say you're sorry" 
 is the famous line from the movie -- but I don't agree!

* Picked up my Bountiful Basket in the morning,

and Matt picked up one-fourth of a cow 

that we went in on.....except I think the meat packing co. 

neglected to give us about half our meat.  Aargh!

You'd think we're hoarding food, or something!  ;)

* Saturday jobs were supposed to be happening.

Instead there some sort of angry controversy that

climaxed with one [unnamed] child throwing a big-ish toy

at another child, who ducked, and instead

it hit the wall.  Our new house wall.

And caused a gash.  Lovely.

I called off the "Arctic Circle" reward run for

EVERYONE right then and there.

{Weeping & Wailing & Gnashing of teeth followed my announcement}

* Took an afternoon nap.

(I all of a sudden got super tired - probably because Ryan woke me up early

trying to figure out how to order tickets online to the 

Musical at his High School that he was planning on taking a date to.)

The fact that Ryan woke up early on his own proves he really wanted to go!  ;)

* Had some good laughs with this YouTube video that

Ryan went around showing the [older people in our] family:

* Went to the Bountiful Temple.

We decided to go this afternoon/evening since 

Matt's mom was working/volunteering in the

Temple at that time.  We [finally] ate dinner in the 

cafeteria downstairs.  We kept saying we should do

that sometime, but never had -- 'til now.

* I got all cozy & comfy in my jammies and got into bed

while Matt & I were reading/watching T.V./playing on our iPads,

when Ryan called and asked if he and his date and the other

couple could come "hang out" at our home.  

They must've been just out on the corner, because they

all walked in the house just a few minutes later....

and I was still hiding in my bedroom because of my lack of proper

state of being dressed.

Then I started to worry about what they could snack on, 

so I threw my clothes & bra back on, raided Matt's chocolate

stash and went down to deliver the treats & meet the kids.

{She was a very cute girl!}

* Sunday:  Daylight Savings Time Begins -

which made it hard for others to get up in

our family, so I got first dibs on the shower - 

and HOT water the whole time!  ;)

* We saw this video clip in Young Women's class at church.  

I had tears running down my face almost the whole time!

Only through the Power of the Atonement, literally

borrowing power from Christ, who already suffered for us,

could anyone of us go through something like this.

* Had two meetings after church....

didn't get home 'til late afternoon.

(No time for a Sunday nap - good thing I got it on Saturday!)

* Made Slow-Cooked Pork Roast 

w/ potatoes, onions, & carrots for dinner.
(Odd considering I have all that beef in my freezer?)

* Katelyn made [box] brownies for dessert.

* Started a good new John Grisham book.

(I can tell even though I'm only on pg. 55)

 

(I've read all his books.  I REALLY like them!)

Behavior Assessment

It's time for the annual IEP at school for my daughter.  The school psychologist called me and said the last Social History and Behavior Assessment they have on file was done almost 8 years ago, when my daughter was just 3 yrs. old, so she wanted to send home a bazillion forms for me to fill out again in order to "update" her file.  I just got done filling out several Behavior Assessment forms.
I was laughing out loud at some of the phrases it uses to describe how children may act.
(I was supposed to respond with "Never," "Sometimes," Often," or "Almost always")  
Eats things that are not food
Fiddles with things while at meals
Breaks the rules just to see what will happen
Sets fires
Argues when denied own way  (don't all children?  Don't they?  You DO KNOW what I'm talking about, right?!?  Hello?  Anybody there?)
Volunteers to help clean up around the house  (BAA HAA HAA hahaha!  You understand WHY I am laughing on this one, too, right?  Yoo Hoo!  Where did everybody go?!?)
Sleeps with parents
Vomits - could this be due to eating things that are not food?


Then I started to wonder......

What if the tables were turned?  

What if some psychologist asked one [or all] of my children to fill out this form ABOUT ME?

I'm afraid I would not "pass" the test.  They would rate me with the "Almost Always" on many of them.

For example:

Eats too much

Is easily annoyed by others - especially children who act like wild animals, swinging from the chandelier while choking another sibling, calling names, throwing balls & consequently breaking something, and spilling beverages all within a 5 min. time frame.

Does strange things

Is unable to slow down - especially when we were suppose to be out the door 10 min. ago and there's still 7 unfound "neccesary" items to get....and girls' hair to be brushed.

Babbles to self

Will change direction to avoid having to greet someone - especially when a "long winded" person is spotted and we are suppose to be somewhere else [across town] in 15 min. and we still have to stand in the check out line.

Acts confused

Avoids competing with other children - especially in games of Chess & Super Mario.

Acts out of control

Repeats one thought over & over - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Speaks in short phrases that are hard to understand - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Is unclear when presenting ideas - like, "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car, we're going."  "Get in the car!"

Says, "Nobody understands me"  (as a result of above 3???)

Annoys others on purpose - like turning off the T.V. when NO Saturday jobs have been done.....because that has been the rule for the last 45 years!

Seems out of touch with reality - like not letting children watch T.V. when they've done NOTHING to contribute to the family/home yet that day!  Geez!

Is overly active - like cleaning up the kitchen RIGHT after dinner while everyone else's main goal is to just go "hide" in the basement and/or lay on the couch....and repeatedly trying to convince others to be likewise "active" at this time for some reason.

Acts as if other children are not there - especially when we interrupt her when she is on talking on the phone.

Sneaks around - especially when she attempts to go use the bathroom.

Has trouble fastening buttons on clothing - especially after a 10+ lb. gain!

Hears sounds that are not there - like big, loud crashing noises.  When she calls out, "What was THAT?!" we always are telling her, "NOTHING!"

Stares blankly - especially following a less-than-5-hrs.-of-sleep night(s), or when her children say things like, "We shouldn't have to do any chores."

Says things that make no sense - like, "We are a family.  That means EACH person is a helpful, contributing member of our family."

Sees things that are not there - like "messes" on the stairs, couches, in the mudroom and our bedrooms.

Falls down - it has NOTHING to do with the junk left on the stairs or floor....just her own clumsiness!

Runs away from home - at least she fantasizes about it sometimes!

Acts strangely

Yep, that'd be a dangerous thing for them to fill out the assessment - I'm pretty sure my children would "throw me under the bus" and I'd definitely be referred to psychiatric treatment based on my "behaviors."  :)

Freak of Natures -- that's what we are!

Recently, while in San Diego attending a work-related conference, Matt & I were at a dinner party with a group of his business associates - many of whom we were meeting for the first time in person.

In the course of the getting-to-know-you conversation, the topic of kids came up.  We were asked if we have kids.

Yes.

How many?

Five.

FIVE??!!!??

Quoting one person exactly [as she dropped her fork and half-choked on her food],  "HOLY CRAP!!!"

Keep in mind, the people in attendance are not of our faith, nor are they from UTAH (Indiana was the furthest west that any of them reigned from), so the concept of 5 children was really UNHEARD OF to them.  We're talkin' Foreign territory.  This especially made sense when we found out about all of them, too; their number of children were 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 3.

(Meanwhile, I'm silently thinking about those who have even larger families than mine - like my aunt who has 12 children - how would they react to that?)

I did tell them that Matt came from a family of 7 kids, and my family has 6, so we're not even measuring up by comparison.....but then I had to stop talking about it because I felt some of them were at risk for a heart attack!  :)

When they recovered from the shock, one guy thought he was being all FUNNY by making the joke, "You must NOT have cable TV!"

To which Matt replied, "We don't."  (seriously)

Oh, can you imagine the raucous that caused?  Our table erupted in ROARING LAUGHTER.  Bah hahaha hahaha.  Intermixed with that noise were people's "smart" comments, "No Wonder!"  or "You should try cable!"  or "Atta Boy!"  or "I was right!"  It was one of those things when all the rest of the people at the restaurant STOP what they're doing/talking about and look over at "that table."  (The guy who made the original joke was REALLY proud of himself!)

Now they can't decide which thing to be MORE astonished about:  5 Children or NO Cable TV.

{Of course, I'm sure the unlimited wine served with their meals, influenced this EXAGGERATED reaction in them.}

Right?

Because it's not even a big deal to live without cable.

RIGHT?

RIGHT?!?

HELLO?

Is this thing on?  tap....tap... [on the microphone]

hello

Desperates Marathon

This weekend we tried to play "catch up" on all the Desperate Housewives episodes we have missed since......like OCTOBER! Some of them were so old that we couldn't even access them on abc.com anymore, we had to search the Internet for them.

I lost track of how many episodes we watched after about the 8th one.....I KNOW! Why can't we STOP watching?!? So, needless to say, DH is on my brain.

And this is a synopsis of what happened: dishonesty. deception. lying. manipulating. con artist. ulterior motives. cunning. cheating. stealing. vandalism. intimidation. stalking. fraud. misleading. untrustworthy. shady character. corruption. crafty. half-truths. crooked. devious. cover ups. hidden agendas. sneaky. swindling. two-faced. mean.......

WHY do we watch this?

I also learned the real ages of the actors: "Bree" [Marcia Cross] - 49 (turns 50 in 2 weeks), "Lynette" [Felicity Huffman] - 49, "Renee" [Vanessa Williams] - 48 (turns 49 in 1 week), "Susan" [Teri Hatcher] - 47, "Gaby" [Eva Longoria] - 37. AND THEY ALL LOOK GREAT! Beautiful skin and eyes. Awesome figures - flat stomachs, lean legs, toned arms, firm buns...! Gorgeous hair. They can RUN in 6" heels...WHY do we watch this?!?

Sometime ago, I took one of those fun little quizzes on the abc T.V. website that lets you know which Desperate Housewife you are. As far as the one you were most like. Well, I tested part "Susan" and part "Lynette." I think I mostly got the "Susan" points because of all the spastic things I do and the ridiculous situations I find myself in. But, as far as the way I act (and having 5 children) I'm a "Lynette." While watching, Matt will chuckle to himself about "Lynette" because the similarities between us are sometimes uncanny, and he will say, "That's you!"
WELL, one of the [159] episodes we watched this weekend had a scene where the "girlfriends" pretty much tell "Lynette" that they didn't want to "couldn't think of anybody" to set her up on a date with because she is........(they fished around for the right words, throwing things out like "unique" and "feisty") but it came out that what they really meant was that they thought she is a B _ _ _ _! (Nice friends, huh?) And if I'm "Lynette"......WHY do we watch this????

After that scene, Matt tried to tell me that I'm not really exactly like her.....that much..... (nice backpedaling!)

But, STILL, I watch, and this is what I think should happen on the show next:
Susan should let her daughter give her baby up for adoption because that is what SHE has decided - it will be BEST for the BABY - and just stay out of it!
Bree needs to get a restraining order against [insane] Orson.
Tom & Lynette need to get back together! (If she can just be less bossy & critical and he can be more proactive, dependable, and engaged.)
Carlos needs to cut/do his hair back to the way it used to be.
Mike needs to go to the police about the "Loan Shark."
Ben needs to learn how to run/build up his construction business and start making a profit/paying his employees.
Gaby needs to get rid of that bottle of wine hidden in the toilet tank.

Because ALL OF THIS is just so gosh darn important, eh?!? :)

Matt's comment last night after we'd watch every last available episode, was this: "WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST HAVE A NORMAL LIFE?"

And just WHAT is normal? (Is there a "normal" family out there? If so, I don't know one!) I had to inform him that "normal" doesn't mean "perfect".

We have to ask ourselves: Is the show ALLURING to us because it's so bizarre and far-fetched that it allows us to [momentarily] lose touch with reality? OR is that we are drawn to it because we really CAN relate to the madness and ironies in our own lives?

Well, I guess we have to come up with the answer soon (or not) because this [8th] season is THE LAST SEASON of Desperate Housewives and then [sadly?] it is ending it's run.

Inspiration from Late Night T.V.

The other night, while watching Jay Leno Headlines, we think we found the answer to why our home hasn't sold yet.

Jay Leno showed an Ad from the newspaper that reads:

Homes For Sale

STUNNING VIEWS, Private Boat Dock,

Deep Water/Sailboat Access Canal,

Private Beach Access, Elegant Marble

Floors Throughout, Granite/Stainless

Kitchen, 15 Foot Dramatic Cherry Ceiling.

A FREE PIZZA with purchase.

Oh my word! We've been going about it ALL WRONG! Up until this point, we have only been marketing our HOME - and we have failed to offer the pizza! Is that all it would take? What were we thinking?!?

Well, here's our official [exciting] announcement. As of right now, we're throwing in a PIZZA for the someone who buys our home!! Serious. I will.

Enjoy Jay's entire Headlines clip from that night...