I Just Don't Get It

Ever since we moved to Farmington, I have made it a tradition to run the 5K/10K races on our town's annual celebration, "Festival Days." With the exception of one other year, I have been the sole participant from our family, although everyone else is always welcome. (And it has been a "dream" of mine that we all run it together.) When we were writing our "Summer Bucket List" at the beginning of June, I was pleased that one of Ryan's SBL items was running the Farmington Festival Days 5K as a family. There were some snickers, rolling of eyes, looks of "yeah, right!" and general lack of enthusiasm, but it was NOT vetoed off the SBL.

Soooo....I have spent the Summer getting up early five mornings a week and going out "training." I have got up while Matt was still snoring away in the bed next to me. I have wished I could still be in the bed next to him! I have, most mornings, NOT wanted to get up and go run. BUT, I have. I have while Kyle & Katelyn waited, hiding in the cubby hole under the stairs, until I left so they could sit there [on their butts] watching on early morning T.V. I have gone out while Ryan & Haylee were still dead to the world in deep slumber. And when I returned home from running, the "activities" of my family still resembled that of the life of a SLUG.

Prior to the race, Matt & the boys went out a total of TWO different evenings running/walking/jumping around (Kyle).

Katelyn had WALKED a little over 2 miles with me - ONCE.

Haylee had NEVER gone out and trained whatsoever.

However, Miss B has become quite the proficient "stroller rider" - she has years of experience!

So, help me understand HOW ON EARTH, THAT kind of "preparation" got these kind of results:

FIRST to finish from our family: Kyle (No adult available to take photos)

SECOND: Matt - pushing Miss B in the jogging stroller the whole way.

THIRD: Haylee
15 yards ahead of....

FOURTH: Ryan

And then they all hung around.....waiting....and waiting...and waiting. It was later reported to me by my kids that, while they were waiting, Matt was voicing concerns like Did they get lost? Did they get injured along the way? Is Mom passed out?

(Thanks, Honey!)

Until finally....

FIFTH: Katelyn
SIXTH: Me

They were all well rested, while my heart was still pounding and sweat was dripping down all over my body, by the time we were able to all get together for this post-race group shot.

I will say that I [took the higher road and] volunteered to stay with the girls, so they wouldn't get lost or be alone. Turns out, Haylee didn't even need me - she left me in the dust during the first half mile. She ran the whole thing. Never ran one step prior to the race and then beats the majority of us! I just Don't get it!

Katelyn, on the other hand, needed me repeating the mantra of The Little Engine that Could to her every other minute. I think I Can. I think I Can. I think I Can. Because after she ran the first mile and a half - SHE WAS ABLE TO RUN A WHOLE MILE AND A HALF STRAIGHT WITHOUT HAVING PRACTICED RUNNING BEFORE (I just Don't get it) - she spent the next mile and a half whining/crying/complaining, I can't do this, I'm NOT running next year, I can't do this, My feet hurt, I can't do this, WHY did you make me do this - I didn't want to, I can't do this, My tummy hurts, This is too hard, I can't do this, My ear hurts, I can't do this.

After she ran that first mile and a half, I let her walk, and held her hand most of the rest of the race.

Then we ran for five minutes.

Then we walked some.

Then we ran for three minutes.

Then we walked.

Then we ran for one minute. (I was losing her!)

Then we walked.

Then I pulled her, running the last stretch, because you HAVE to run the last stretch across the finish line - it's one of [my] unwritten rules...then sent/pushed her ahead to finish before me at the last moment. But, truth be told, our overall pace was very comfortable for me! I'm glad I had the "excuse!" :)

It was eerily similar to when I made Kyle do it with me four years ago when he was age 7. And now, fast forward to this year and look how far he's come, baby...

He got the "Gold Medal" - finishing 1st Place in his age group - with a time of just 22 minutes! I just Don't get it.

And THEN, during the medal ceremony, Matt's name [unexpectedly] got called, too! He got the "Bronze Medal" - finishing 3rd in his age group - running a faster 5K than I have ever run in all my years (30+) of racing with a time of 28:00. I just Don't get it. Matt did say it helped that, with his 40th birthday this year, it bumped him up to the 40-49 age group. He was considered the young, spry one in the group. But, still.....he ran twice this summer. The only other cardio exercise he can claim is playing on a Indoor Soccer team....but this summer, it's been very sporadic - only 1-2 times a month.

Even though "I just Don't get" (AND IT'S SOOO NOT FAIR!) with my family's training/performance ratio, I am glad we did it TOGETHER. It is a fun tradition that we will continue for years to come.

{Hopefully, it's like childbirth - and Katelyn will have forgotten the "pain" by next year!}

My "Smash"ogram

I turned 40 yrs. old 9 1/2 months ago.

Women know what THAT means.....I've moved into the "Mammogram years."

So, do you think I ran right out and got one 9 1/2 months ago?

NOPE.

Do you think I've had the written orders from my Dr. for months and months just attached to my magnet board at home?

YEP.

I guess my avoidance of the "experience" is part rebellion that I actually have gotten old enough to need one, part fear that the test might find something BAD, part dread of the inconvenience of having to arrange care for or (heaven forbid) take my little ones to the appointment, but MOSTLY it's been my qualms about the pain associated with having my boobs smashed flat as a pancake.

Since school got out, and I have 2 "live-in babysitter" now, at least one of my "hang ups" was gone, so I thought I could finally try to make an appointment. Now, even though I was calling, I thought I still had quite a bit of time. You see, I was completely expecting it to be more like my Pediatrician's office when I call in for an appt. there,

"It looks like Dr. Fruin is booked out until the end of October...."

(Just goes to show that MORE parents are trying to get their kids in for their school shots and Football Physicals than there are women taking care of their own mammograms) but that wasn't the case! The "Women's Imaging" department at the hospital had available appointment that same week! Like in a few days. Luckily, some out of town trips and my work schedule prevented that from happening, but I still got me an appt. within 10 days of calling.

YIKES.

That was too soon for me!

The day of the appointment, Ryan asked me if I was nervous. I admitted that I was.

He said, "Don't worry, Mom, I saw a billboard on the freeway about mammograms. Did you know that with early prevention, Breast Cancer is 99% curable?"

(Yes, I know. I'd seen those same guilt-inducing billboards prodding me over the last 9 1/2 months!)

I told him I was not so much worried about that as I was the pain. To which he had a question about WHY is would be painful. So, I got to explain to my 15 yr. old son about the boob torture machine.

He was horrified - mostly because of what he was thinking about. His next question let me in on his thoughts? "Do they have to do that to screen for Prostate Cancer, too?!!?"

So....I made it to my appointment....

When they questioned me, I turned out to be a real boring patient. No Breast Implants, No chance of being pregnant, No Breast Cancer history in my family, Not currently Breast Feeding, No Breast Surgeries, No discoveries in my self-exams (that's because I DON'T do them! woops!)

Getting in the right position took longer than the smash-and-X-ray part of it. Turns out I have breast tissue up to my chin, in my underarm regions, and around my back - and they needed it ALL on the compression plate.

The tech gave so many instructions:

Lean forward

Stick out your butt

Lift up your arm

Relax your shoulder

Straighten out your hips

Put your weight on your right foot

Come closer

Don't stand on your tippy toes (I'm too short, they need to bring the machine down)

Bend your left knee

Lift up your chin

Hold your other breast out of the way...but flatten out your hand, so it doesn't get in the picture.

Move your hair back

Hold perfectly still - don't breathe.

{It was a QUAD workout, let me tell you!}

Finally, when I still wasn't in the optimum position, the tech just started manhandling (cupping, pulling, moving, shifting, lifting) my boobs herself. Ya know, 20 years ago, I would've FREAKED OUT over that (at my first GYNO appt. for my pre-mission physical, the nurse had to practically hypnotize me in order for me to survive!), but strangely, that day, after 5 baby births, several female surgeries/procedures, and dozens of "special woman exams", I was pretty OK with being topless in front of and groped by the nurse. :) hahaha.

I made it...but my ANGST about the pain, it turns out, WAS VALID. I drove straight to the Maverick afterwards and got some "pain meds" in the form of a large Diet Dr. Pepper.

And I texted my husband warning him that he may not recognize his wife now! ;)

Wouldn't Ya Know It

I hoard money.

I'm scared to spend it....because then I MIGHT RUN OUT!

{What's THAT kind of Paranoia called? Bonus Points if you know!}

This mostly applies to Tax Return Money, Savings Account Money, and Gift Money that I receive. I just deposit it - and let it sit there....in case I NEED it, ya know?

Thus, we don't have any of the things "Everyone else" has - much to my son's dismay, as you may recall.

While some people have their Tax Return spent before they even get the check in the mail, I still have LAST YEAR'S Tax Return sitting in my account when the CURRENT YEAR'S Tax Return comes. WHEN that happens, I can start using LAST YEAR'S. That's how I spell, S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y.

{That's probably how the REST OF YOU spell, W-E-I-R-D.} :)

So, since we've had the CURRENT YEAR'S Tax Return for a few months now, my fear of finishing up using LAST YEAR'S dissipated, so we did. Except THEN I went against my usual hoarding practice recently and decided to ALSO use THIS YEAR'S money to purchase something [right now.] AND it wasn't exactly a "Need-to-have" purchase, either. It was definitely a "Nice-to-have" purchase. And it took a big chunk from THIS YEAR'S money, too!

{GULP}

{Soooo OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!}

AND THEN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? Guess what happened when we prematurely used the money?

*Our Automatic Garage Door Opener broke.

*My Master Bathroom sink/plumbing went KA-PUT (and waterlogged 9 good rolls of extra plush Toilet Paper that were stored beneath!)

*A rock flipped up and caused a [most likely unrepairable] "spider web" in our minivan windshield.

*An unnamed child [Katelyn] tried doing pull ups (or SOMETHING) on the window blinds and it snapped right in two.

*The basement carpet got damaged due to our WET spring

*The wind blew a ton of shingles off our roof - time for a new one.

*We have a multi-cracked bedroom window.

*My In-Laws are coming home from their mission in a few weeks...but we've been using some of their furniture to replace our crappy stuff we threw out... so we could show our home better...and the plan was to buy our own before they came back, so they could have furniture, too....ACTUALLY, the plan was to SELL OUR HOME before they came back - but, WHATEVER!

*Our gyrating washing machine chewed up the laundry room flooring.

*And we need a new driveway.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHEN I SAY I MIGHT NEED SOME MONEY!!!

I guess I'll have to dip into my Christmas Gift money that's been sitting in the account. Merry Christmas to me!!

Murphy.....Leave me Alone!

Lesson learned. Go back to hoarding.

Hard to Come Home From....

All-Inclusive privileges at the resort's 11 Restaurants/Eateries

The Beach

Steak (or 2) every night for dinner, if you please (and he did!)

Napping on the beach

The VIEW from my BED!

First thing I saw when I woke up at 8:00 - or 9:00 - or 10:00 every morning. :)

(The kids had a different room, down the hall)

Feet in the sand

Girls' outings to La Creperie/Ice Cream Parlor/Waffle House ~ WHENEVER!

The Beach (again)

Unlimited Pina Coladas (virgin, of course)

~ they MAY have forgotten the "virgin" part on one of Kyle's Strawberry Daiquiris, he reported it tasted a little "weird."
This can neither be confirmed nor denied - he did fall asleep EARLY that night, though. hmmmm.....

Frolicking in the....

waves....

and on land

A clown to make balloon flowers - or animals - or swords, Oh my!

All You Can Eat Ketchup!

Did I mention The Beach?

The 3-Tiered Pool

Don't let me forget The Beach!

The "Adults Only" [with a dress code] Restaurant

The Beach

The Pyrotechnics

Our CANCUN Family Vacation

June 4 -11, 2011

My Summer Slave Plan

The Sonic Scrubber. It's like an electric toothbrush - FOR CLEANING. My intention was just to use THIS for tile grout, but when the kids saw me using it one day, they were fascinated.

WHAT'S THAT? They asked curiously.

So, I demonstrated.

They were attentive.

Can I try it? They eagerly responded.

They experimented on kitchen counters, garbage cans, light switch cover plates, sink faucets, stove tops, toys, chair rail, door knobs, cup holders in the car....

This is SO 'SICK'! I caught them saying.

This is FUN! I overheard.

M-o-o-o-o-m, Ryan's hogging it and won't let us have a turn! They griped.
(For once, I didn't mind the gripe.)

And then I brought out the Big Guns.....


FOUR [additional] Interchangeable Brush Heads they could also use!!

{Heaven}

Side note: I find it completely unnecessary to use the Sonic Scrubber in all the places they were using it, BUT, HEY, whatever WORKS!

Armed with this kind of power, Ryan had the courage and inclination to tackle a serious job.
(And later, going through my photos, I discovered he took the liberty - and pride - to document the event himself!)

First, you take the dish soap, and you squirt it, squirt it.....

Then, you take a grody refrigerator shelf, and you gag over it, gag over it....

Then, you take a clean refrigerator drawer, and you admire it, admire it....

Now, My main job? Keep our home stocked with AA batteries!

THANK YOU SONIC SCRUBBER!! YOU'RE A MIRACLE WORKER!

**This Blog post was not paid for by the Sonic Scrubber company. I have received NO compensation for my product praising post -- BUT would not be opposed to it at all!!**

The Umbilical Cord Test

As mentioned previously, I am a Ranch dressing ALL-THE-WAY kind of gal.
No Thousand Island. No Italian. No French. No Caesar. No Thank You! Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing from the packet only. (Yes! I AM a Ranch snob!)
And as such....my offspring are also lovers of Ranch....after all, they received it (plenty) directly through the umbilical cord and developed the taste (not that it HAS to be a developed taste - it's just automatically GOOD from the first time you try it!) Born with the addiction - except I like to use the word "fondness" better. Kind of like "Crack Babies" but mine are "Ranch Babies."

It's not JUST for salad, either! Did you know that? It's for dipping carrots, celery, zucchini, French Bread, Garlic Bread, rolls, bread sticks, pizza, chicken nuggets/strips/tenders, fries, too-well-done steak, crackers, chips, burritos, Taquitos, Mozzarella Cheese sticks, mushrooms, cauliflower, broccoli, tator tots, baked potatoes, Jalapeno Poppers, pretzels, sandwiches.....HECK, it even makes Spaghetti somewhat edible!

I've always joked about, but believed in, my getting-it-through-the-umbilical-cord theory about my offspring. While discussing this the other day with my family, I remembered something I ate often while pregnant with Kyle.

THIS:

Yep, I went to Sam's Club and bought me a whole case of this deliciousness and put it in my freezer. EVERY afternoon, after I survived the morning with my toddler and put Ryan down for his afternoon nap, I rewarded myself with ONE.

And, DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!? I only gained 17 pounds that whole pregnancy! AND I lost 30 pounds just by giving birth to Kyle. You do the Math! I think I'm on to SOMETHING!!! Do you think I should patent the "Whatchamacallit Diet?" I think I need to go on it again now! :)

ANYWAY, During this above mentioned conversation, I bet Kyle that he would probably LOVE Whatchamacallits since he received them (plenty) directly through the umbilical cord.

"What cha WHAT?!?" he asked, confused.

And then I realized that I had deprived my son of this great goodness his whole entire [post-womb] life!

How could I?

Since he hadn't ever had one - and I had piqued his curiosity with my pregnancy story - he began badgering asking me all. the. time. about WHEN he could have the OPPORTUNITY to try one for himself. (my verbal assurances and watering mouth just weren't enough proof for him that THEY WERE GOOOOOD!) He wanted to take me up on my bet!

Eventually, I [convinced myself that it was a good idea to go to the store with The Terrible Two and her older sister] and bought some.

I was SURE he'd LOVE them.

This prenatal treat would send him down Memory Lane.

It would be a HIT.

I was CONVINCED it'd become his favorite candy bar.

I waited.

I was EAGER to share this bond with him again. (And to test the umbilical cord theory.)

AND.....

I was so PLEASED!

I was a PROUD MAMA!

I was thinking about Science Experiments again! Oh Boy!

And then I had to go and ask him if he liked it. If he liked it a lot. If it was THE BEST candy bar he'd ever tasted. If his mama was so smart about umbilical cords. And if he wanted to take his mama to Vegas (I'm good at betting). I finally asked if it had dethroned his 3 Musketeers from the #1 spot.

He broke it to me.

No.

It wasn't his favorite candy bar.

It wasn't even his next favorite candy bar.

It was only his 5th favorite candy bar. (Following 3 Musketeers, Twix, Hershey's bar, & Cookies & Cream Hershey's)

I'm bummed.

Maybe I waited too long to re-introduce him to it.

So, does that mean my Ranch Theory was all just pure coincidence, too? Everything I always believed....down the drain.

Oh well, looks like I'll be on the "Whatchamacallit Diet" alone! :)

Retirement

This month of MAY marks three different Retirement milestones in our family.

FIRST:
Ryan has decided to retire from Percussion.

At least in the school band sense. (His Final School Band Concert was last Wednesday.) He would just like to be more of a "Basement Bedroom or Garage Jam Session" type drummer. He still has HIGH HOPES he will get his own set one day. Remember his BIG DREAMS?


Truth be Told -- this makes me sad.

When he was entering Jr. High and was deciding on what instrument he wanted to play, practically EVERYONE wanted to be a Percussionist. But the Band Director didn't want JUST ANYONE to be a Percussionist, so he made them go through a "tryout." There was a screening test, to weed out the "non-oriented musicians" basically. I still remember being in the Band room the day of the test and watching Ryan just writing answers down fluently and breeze through the test --and then seeing another girl just staring up at the ceiling, gnawing on her pencil, seeking for the answers by way of divine intervention, or something! Anyway, there were over 40 students vying for a Percussion spot back then. Only eight were chosen. Ryan was one of them. (He could FINALLY thank me for all those years of piano lessons I made him take!) I'm of the opinion that since he made it IN to such an ELITE group, he should stay IN. But, he says he's done now. sniff, sniff. Sometimes it's hard to let them make their own choices.

SECOND:
Haylee is retiring from Dance.
...after just two years. (Her last dance recital was 2 weeks ago) She says she's a baseball, soccer, and swimmer girl.

{Haylee: in the standing group of 3, left side}

Truth be Told -- this makes me sad - and glad.

On the one hand, we were on the waiting list for a looonng time before we were able to get in with this teacher. So, I think she should consider herself LUCKY and stay put. On the other hand, she fought me EVERY week! Because of this, she was LATE every week. She rebelled against the dance dress code (she'd change in the studio's bathroom into [non-approved] clothes she'd smuggled in her dance bag.)

{story detour}

One day, she didn't make it home from school on time to go to dance, so I just grabbed her dance bag and set out in the car to find her along the route. **She has insisted that her dance bag was ready the night before when I asked her.** However, my kids have a habit of answering in the affirmative to many questions their Mom asks them. "Have you cleaned your room?" "Have you practiced the piano?" "Did you put on a new pair of underwear?" "Is your homework done?" "Did you flush the toilet?" They know it's the fastest way to shut their Mom up! So, when I found Haylee and told her to change in the car, she started protesting greatly that she didn't have her dance clothes in her bag - at least the ones she likes. Now, I don't know HOW this happened, since she [said she] had completely prepared the night before. It's such a MYSTERY!!!!! There was a leotard, a pair of tights, and ballet shoes in the bag, though. PERFECT! Right?!? WRONG! She hates leotards. I told her to just put it on and she could wear her T-shirt she'd worn to school over the top since I was on my way to dance already and I wasn't turning back. She did. Fast Forward to AFTER dance class. When she came out, I noticed that the tights were kinda hangin' low on her in the crotch. I looked....and I thought....That's weird. Shouldn't her leotard be holding those tights up?...and I looked again....and I saw THERE WAS NO LEOTARD! Just tights over her panties and her T-shirt! I asked her teacher if she was just wearing tights and panties for the class that day.

"YEP!" the teacher confirmed.

"She was in a dance leotard when I dropped her off!" I explained, horrified.

"She went straight to the bathroom when she arrived," the teacher informed me. "I noticed, but I didn't want to say anything, and bring attention to it, in case the other girls didn't notice...so that's how she stayed through the whole lesson."

((Nice Teacher))

When we got back to the car, I asked her where her leotard was. She screamed, "I HATE LEOTARDS!"

"More than dancing in your panties in front of your whole class?" I asked.

Now it was her turn to be horrified. Apparently, she assumed the T-shirt would cover her all up. You know what they say about assuming.....

{end of detour}

She also refused to wear make up for recitals and pictures. There was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth EVERY week! (by both of us). So, it's a good thing, right?!? It'll save me about $300.00, too! Sometimes it's hard to let the child assert themselves - especially when it's against you.

And FINALLY:
There's me. I've retired from "Healthy Habits" Challenges. There was another one starting this week, but I did not join. It's the first one I've declined over the last 2 1/2 years. (Matt already informed me after the last one that I was not allowed to be on a "challenge" during our upcoming all-inclusive [READ: Lots o' Food] Cancun vacation in June.)

But, then again, I've reached the "finish line." I don't need it. Just look at my results.

BEFORE

AFTER

Pretty AMAZING, isn't it?!!!?

Actually, in all the FIVE TIMES I've done the "challenge" I've only received cash winnings ONCE. I got 3rd Place in one of them which awarded me $10. TEN [lousy] BUCKS. Exactly the same amount of the entrance fee, so it was just "a wash." So, I'm going into retirement.

Ya know what's funny? OR sad? During one of the "challenges" I was actually doing Weight Watchers (official program), but I lost the exact same amount of weight that time as I did the next time when I was NOT on Weight Watchers. Now what is wrong with this picture? And on my most recent 8 WEEK "challenge", I lost some weight - not an impressive amount by any means - but still, it was something. But, then it all came back on the moment I ate a Mimi's Cafe muffin the week the "challenge" was over.

And that's how My Retirement came about.

Now, who's to say I won't be like Brett Favre -- and come back -- 32 more times, but for now Excuse Me, I think I hear someone (something?) calling my name....

The Switch

Today, the temperatures around these parts were on the upswing, so seems as all my capris & short sleeves are still packed away (in an effort to make my closet look "roomier" for house showings) I opted to don my muumuu.
It was also my week to drive the Kindergarten carpool. Most days, I can just pull in front of the school and wait in my car for the little girls to come rushing out. Today was not most days. I waited. No girls. I waited. No girls.
Man, why did I make such an effort to break away from eating leftover brownies at home all those very important tasks I was doing to get to the school on time?!?
No girls. I debated if I should go in search of them since, after all, I was dressed in my muumuu. I waited until all other children and parents were out of sight and I got out of my car -- at precisely the same moment the Kindergarten teacher came out the front door.

Hi.
Maybe she won't know who I am - she's kinda a space case like that.
Nope.
"Make sure Katelyn gives you the important note!" she says to me.
"OK" I quickly say trying to slip away, muumuu unnoticed.
Nope again.
The teacher engages me in an entire conversation about the upcoming Kindergarten Assessments and then her opinion of Katelyn (all nice, thank goodness!) And then the "Class Parent" comes out to join us -- yet another spotting of me in my muumuu.

Turns out, Katelyn had "forgotten" that the proper procedure after school is to come out front to the waiting carpool and instead she and her friends were sucked in by the beckoning call of the monkey bars out back in the school yard. By the time (20 min. after school let out) I located and retrieved her, 4 other adults (including a High School classmate of mine) and 35 students (there was a PE class outside playing kick ball) had seen me in my muumuu!!
As I was trying to reiterate to Katelyn that she needs to come straight out after school....and make her see the seriousness of her violation of the Kindergarten routine, I told her, "I didn't want to do this...but I had no choice...Now you had to be embarrassed by your Mom being seen wearing a muumuu!"

"Huh?" she asked with NO hint of comprehension in her voice. "I'm NOT embarrassed. I like it! Mom, can I put my muumuu on when we get home, PLEASE?"

Fast Forward to 4 1/2 hours later....

The boys had a piano recital and, before leaving, I traded in my muumuu for a safer, classic black number. As I was driving "the Brood" to the recital, Kyle asks, "Why did you change your clothes, Mom?"
"Oh, I didn't want to embarrass you by wearing my muumuu in public."
Ryan, to my right in the passenger seat, is nodding his head in understanding and firm agreement.
Kyle, from the back seat, comments, "SMART MOVE!"

So, here I had the two opposing opinions of the same thing. On one side, [Moms in] Muumuus are COOL, on the other side, [Moms in] Muumuus are NOT. I figured it out, somewhere between Kindergarten and 6th Grade there is a "SWITCH" where your Mom's appearance matters! I took a poll amongst the passengers in my minivan - just WHEN does this "SWITCH" happen? To assist in our research, we asked our resident 3rd Grader, "Are you embarrassed by me wearing a muumuu?"
There WAS just enough of a pause....the kind that says how-should-I-answer-as-to-not-hurt-her-feelings....followed by a, "no."

Not a "NO!"

Or a "No."

Just a regular, apathetic, lacking any emotion "no."

Solved.

She's approaching the "SWITCH" very, very soon. Like within the next year.

So, my geniuses in the back seat came to the conclusion, IT HAPPENS IN 4th GRADE.

*******
Hey....Do you think we can chalk that off as our "Science Fair Project" for next year? It DID involve asking questions, doing research, gathering facts, deducting, and findings. And you know how much I LOVE Science Experiments.....

*******

Because I KNOW I've piqued your curiosity, and you're just dying to see it....For your viewing pleasure.....I present.....ME, in all my MUUMUU GLORY....

(You're Welcome. I'm real accomodating like that!)

Breaking my Silence

Mother's Day has come and gone two previous times ('09 and '10) since I've had my blog and, though I've had many feelings & words that I could've shared and written, I did not. Every year, I thought about writing a "Mother's Day" post - I wanted to - but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. So far, I've always told myself, maybe next year. If this was my private journal, I'd have no problem writing it, but since others read it, this was one area I felt like I'd have to "edit" my true thoughts since it would surely bring judgement, disapproval, and loss-of-brownie-points (so to speak) from my readers.

Well, No more! THIS year is the year.

I've decided, IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.....

**Stop reading now if you only like full of Malarkey beautiful, flowery, "THE BEST", favorable, uplifting accounts/opinions of Mother's Day. There are other blogs out there like that ~ which adds to my GUILT. (You've been warned.)**

The Reason? I despise Mother's Day.

There. I said it. It's the truth.

I guess I could end my post there, that about sums it up, but I'm NOT a gal of few words! :)

I LAUGH that it's even considered a "HOLIDAY." I KNOW that Motherhood is a thankless job, but I'm bugged that we PRETEND to "celebrate" Mothers when, instead, it makes us feel worse. Let's. just. don't.

Each year, I start to get anxious about it the week of Mother's Day. The dread starts to set in. And on Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I can see a definite mood change in me. It shifts to the LOUSY end of the spectrum.

Mother's Day comes and I FEEL: Angry, Depressed, Guilty, Disappointed, Unacceptable, Discouraged, Inadequate, Under appreciated, a "lowlife", Unpleasant, Lacking, Self-Loathing.....a failure.
(And what's to LIKE about all of THAT?!?)

It used to start by me watching Talk Shows, Documentaries, or News Programs on T.V. the week leading up to Mother's Day, that would highlight certain mothers. People in America (family & friends) were "nominating" mothers who they believed were WONDERFUL and then these programs were telling her story, broadcasting a Tribute to the "winning" mothers. Well, of course, I was never featured on one of these shows (surprise, surprise) but it was obvious why -- I wasn't anything like those WONDERFUL mothers. There were stories of mothers taking in MANY Foster children or handicapped children into her loving home and giving them a great life. There were stories of mothers who died, and so then the oldest sister became the "Mom" and sacrificed and raised all the younger siblings. There were stories of mothers who literally saved the lives of her children in dramatic [physical, emotional, spiritual] ways. And there were stories of mothers who had "defied all odds" and survived abusive situations/terminal illness/financial destitution and mothered all on her own and raised delightful, successful children. Etc, etc, etc.
Tears would just be running down my face as I watched these shows because, YES, I was touched by those mothers' stories. BUT, at the same time, I knew that I didn't do ANY of those things myself....which blatantly brings to my attention: I am NOT a wonderful mother.
I finally quit watching those shows - it was too much torture for me.

Then there is church. The Sacrament Meeting talks are killers. I do acknowledge the tough job the Bishop has to creating a meeting that doesn't leave anyone out or make them feel bad. It seems in recent years, they have tried to select the speakers carefully (someone who is male or not a mother yet, so it doesn't ruin a woman's day even further by having to speak) but the content of the talk cannot always be controlled.
This one is THE WORST that I hear from the pulpit- it gets to me THE MOST:
My Mother NEVER yelled at her children [insert me slouching down lower in my pew as I think, Oh, I'm really good at it!]
But then there's also these:
My Mother was ALWAYS there for us - she came to every game/concert/recital/School Field Trip I ever had.
My Mother raised $1,500,000 for the American Cancer Society
My Mother taught me how to cook, sew, cut hair, do yoga, farm, change the oil on the car, can, start a business, paint, read by age 3, compose music, invest money, drive a stick shift, build a campfire, and WORK.

And then all the prayers in church are all "We're so thankful for our sweet, dear, kind mothers and women in our life. Please let them know how valuable, special, and priceless they are. Help us to give them the honor and respect they so deserve."
They seem too mushy and phony to me....those were the words I hear, but here's the actions I see: My Brood is still on the pew wiggling around, crying, complaining, kicking me....and then when it's time for the Primary Children to go up and sing to their mothers, I'll have one who will REFUSE to go up, or if they do go up, they stand up there without singing, sometimes hiding behind someone taller, or just laughing through the whole thing. NICE!
I know of some women who have quit going to church on Mother's Day. Although I always choose to go, I can actually understand their choice.

I also resent how my family spends all Saturday NIGHT (as if it's an afterthought) scrambling trying to get stuff for Mother's Day, which makes it so 1) We can't go out and do anything and 2) They're not able to find everything/anything at the last minute. It's sure a "testament" to how special they feel I am!

On Sunday morning, I'm the first one awake, thanks to my littlest one verbally requesting a diaper change from us. Everyone else is enjoying snoozing in late on Mother's Day. What is wrong with this picture? I ask myself. Even though I am starving, I don't eat because the kids might bring me breakfast in bed. So, I wait....all the while wondering if we're going to be able to get ready for church in time. When the Brood does gather in the kitchen to put their collective efforts together for my Mother's Day breakfast, arguing/crying/tormenting/complaining ensues. And I hear, no less than 10X in the background, their father saying, "SSHHHH....Stop that, don't do that - it's Mother's Day!"

After church, I'm told to go in my room and "relax" - even take a nap and they'll take care of dinner. Only, that's kind of hard considering my door keeps opening by different members of my family (the adult & children alike) asking:
What do you want for dinner?
Where is the salt?
Do we have any lemon extract?
Can I used the limes in the fridge?
Are you going to make the rolls?
What are the measurements for Ranch dressing?
If it says "3 lemons" - does that mean 3 slices of lemon or 3 whole lemons?
How do you bake a baked potato?
What does "boil" mean?
Their preparation, knowledge, & skills make for a very "restful" afternoon for me, let me tell ya!

Everyone in the world TRIES to be all nice & lovey, but I think it feels FAKE.
For Example:
There's the obligatory Mother's Day phone call with my mother, when we hardly ever call each other on any regular day.
There's the Mother's Day "coupons" I get from my children, but when I try to "redeem" one, they are unwilling and resist. (I have dozens of these unused, null & void coupons)
I've witnessed that my husband and his brothers always give their Mom a hug and say "I love you" on Mother's Day, but they do not do that at any other time of the year.

The thing I want most for Mother's Day is for my family to do their jobs, be happy, obedient, & agreeable, don't fight, and to be on time to church ~ at least for that one day.

Is it too much to ask?

Apparently it is.
But, as learned from the talks at church, All that we are, we owe to our mother -- so it's all my fault anyway....and we get a special day devoted to reminding us of just that! Which returns me to my original statement. I despise Mother's Day.

This past Mother's Day, on numerous occasions, my girls declared things like; I can't wait until I'm a Mom! It'll be SOOO fun to be a Mom! Ohhh...Mom's are so lucky!
Their reasons? They can get breakfast in bed, a chocolate/caramel dipped pretzel rod as a gift from the church, and the presents - "just like having another birthday," they naively witnessed.

Ohhh....ignorance is BLISS, eh?!?

There. I did it. I finally put my feelings out there. End of rant.

Problem Child

Haylee had drawn this picture of our family on the back of a Mother's Day card she gave me yesterday.....

While admiring her artwork, I was going through the "checklist"
Dad
Mom
Ryan
Kyle
Haylee
Katelyn
Brookelle

But I couldn't account for the one extra "person" labeled with an "S" over the top of it.

My first thought was that she was being facetious and adding an extra child to our Brood (wishful thinking on her part!)

But then I noticed that this additional figure was ALL RED and had a POINTED TAIL....and then the "S" label clicked with me.

I gasped. "Do you think Satan is a part of our family???" I half choked, half wailed out.

The smug look on her face answered my question.

NO THANK YOU!