The Switch

Today, the temperatures around these parts were on the upswing, so seems as all my capris & short sleeves are still packed away (in an effort to make my closet look "roomier" for house showings) I opted to don my muumuu.
It was also my week to drive the Kindergarten carpool. Most days, I can just pull in front of the school and wait in my car for the little girls to come rushing out. Today was not most days. I waited. No girls. I waited. No girls.
Man, why did I make such an effort to break away from eating leftover brownies at home all those very important tasks I was doing to get to the school on time?!?
No girls. I debated if I should go in search of them since, after all, I was dressed in my muumuu. I waited until all other children and parents were out of sight and I got out of my car -- at precisely the same moment the Kindergarten teacher came out the front door.

Hi.
Maybe she won't know who I am - she's kinda a space case like that.
Nope.
"Make sure Katelyn gives you the important note!" she says to me.
"OK" I quickly say trying to slip away, muumuu unnoticed.
Nope again.
The teacher engages me in an entire conversation about the upcoming Kindergarten Assessments and then her opinion of Katelyn (all nice, thank goodness!) And then the "Class Parent" comes out to join us -- yet another spotting of me in my muumuu.

Turns out, Katelyn had "forgotten" that the proper procedure after school is to come out front to the waiting carpool and instead she and her friends were sucked in by the beckoning call of the monkey bars out back in the school yard. By the time (20 min. after school let out) I located and retrieved her, 4 other adults (including a High School classmate of mine) and 35 students (there was a PE class outside playing kick ball) had seen me in my muumuu!!
As I was trying to reiterate to Katelyn that she needs to come straight out after school....and make her see the seriousness of her violation of the Kindergarten routine, I told her, "I didn't want to do this...but I had no choice...Now you had to be embarrassed by your Mom being seen wearing a muumuu!"

"Huh?" she asked with NO hint of comprehension in her voice. "I'm NOT embarrassed. I like it! Mom, can I put my muumuu on when we get home, PLEASE?"

Fast Forward to 4 1/2 hours later....

The boys had a piano recital and, before leaving, I traded in my muumuu for a safer, classic black number. As I was driving "the Brood" to the recital, Kyle asks, "Why did you change your clothes, Mom?"
"Oh, I didn't want to embarrass you by wearing my muumuu in public."
Ryan, to my right in the passenger seat, is nodding his head in understanding and firm agreement.
Kyle, from the back seat, comments, "SMART MOVE!"

So, here I had the two opposing opinions of the same thing. On one side, [Moms in] Muumuus are COOL, on the other side, [Moms in] Muumuus are NOT. I figured it out, somewhere between Kindergarten and 6th Grade there is a "SWITCH" where your Mom's appearance matters! I took a poll amongst the passengers in my minivan - just WHEN does this "SWITCH" happen? To assist in our research, we asked our resident 3rd Grader, "Are you embarrassed by me wearing a muumuu?"
There WAS just enough of a pause....the kind that says how-should-I-answer-as-to-not-hurt-her-feelings....followed by a, "no."

Not a "NO!"

Or a "No."

Just a regular, apathetic, lacking any emotion "no."

Solved.

She's approaching the "SWITCH" very, very soon. Like within the next year.

So, my geniuses in the back seat came to the conclusion, IT HAPPENS IN 4th GRADE.

*******
Hey....Do you think we can chalk that off as our "Science Fair Project" for next year? It DID involve asking questions, doing research, gathering facts, deducting, and findings. And you know how much I LOVE Science Experiments.....

*******

Because I KNOW I've piqued your curiosity, and you're just dying to see it....For your viewing pleasure.....I present.....ME, in all my MUUMUU GLORY....

(You're Welcome. I'm real accomodating like that!)

Breaking my Silence

Mother's Day has come and gone two previous times ('09 and '10) since I've had my blog and, though I've had many feelings & words that I could've shared and written, I did not. Every year, I thought about writing a "Mother's Day" post - I wanted to - but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. So far, I've always told myself, maybe next year. If this was my private journal, I'd have no problem writing it, but since others read it, this was one area I felt like I'd have to "edit" my true thoughts since it would surely bring judgement, disapproval, and loss-of-brownie-points (so to speak) from my readers.

Well, No more! THIS year is the year.

I've decided, IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO.....

**Stop reading now if you only like full of Malarkey beautiful, flowery, "THE BEST", favorable, uplifting accounts/opinions of Mother's Day. There are other blogs out there like that ~ which adds to my GUILT. (You've been warned.)**

The Reason? I despise Mother's Day.

There. I said it. It's the truth.

I guess I could end my post there, that about sums it up, but I'm NOT a gal of few words! :)

I LAUGH that it's even considered a "HOLIDAY." I KNOW that Motherhood is a thankless job, but I'm bugged that we PRETEND to "celebrate" Mothers when, instead, it makes us feel worse. Let's. just. don't.

Each year, I start to get anxious about it the week of Mother's Day. The dread starts to set in. And on Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I can see a definite mood change in me. It shifts to the LOUSY end of the spectrum.

Mother's Day comes and I FEEL: Angry, Depressed, Guilty, Disappointed, Unacceptable, Discouraged, Inadequate, Under appreciated, a "lowlife", Unpleasant, Lacking, Self-Loathing.....a failure.
(And what's to LIKE about all of THAT?!?)

It used to start by me watching Talk Shows, Documentaries, or News Programs on T.V. the week leading up to Mother's Day, that would highlight certain mothers. People in America (family & friends) were "nominating" mothers who they believed were WONDERFUL and then these programs were telling her story, broadcasting a Tribute to the "winning" mothers. Well, of course, I was never featured on one of these shows (surprise, surprise) but it was obvious why -- I wasn't anything like those WONDERFUL mothers. There were stories of mothers taking in MANY Foster children or handicapped children into her loving home and giving them a great life. There were stories of mothers who died, and so then the oldest sister became the "Mom" and sacrificed and raised all the younger siblings. There were stories of mothers who literally saved the lives of her children in dramatic [physical, emotional, spiritual] ways. And there were stories of mothers who had "defied all odds" and survived abusive situations/terminal illness/financial destitution and mothered all on her own and raised delightful, successful children. Etc, etc, etc.
Tears would just be running down my face as I watched these shows because, YES, I was touched by those mothers' stories. BUT, at the same time, I knew that I didn't do ANY of those things myself....which blatantly brings to my attention: I am NOT a wonderful mother.
I finally quit watching those shows - it was too much torture for me.

Then there is church. The Sacrament Meeting talks are killers. I do acknowledge the tough job the Bishop has to creating a meeting that doesn't leave anyone out or make them feel bad. It seems in recent years, they have tried to select the speakers carefully (someone who is male or not a mother yet, so it doesn't ruin a woman's day even further by having to speak) but the content of the talk cannot always be controlled.
This one is THE WORST that I hear from the pulpit- it gets to me THE MOST:
My Mother NEVER yelled at her children [insert me slouching down lower in my pew as I think, Oh, I'm really good at it!]
But then there's also these:
My Mother was ALWAYS there for us - she came to every game/concert/recital/School Field Trip I ever had.
My Mother raised $1,500,000 for the American Cancer Society
My Mother taught me how to cook, sew, cut hair, do yoga, farm, change the oil on the car, can, start a business, paint, read by age 3, compose music, invest money, drive a stick shift, build a campfire, and WORK.

And then all the prayers in church are all "We're so thankful for our sweet, dear, kind mothers and women in our life. Please let them know how valuable, special, and priceless they are. Help us to give them the honor and respect they so deserve."
They seem too mushy and phony to me....those were the words I hear, but here's the actions I see: My Brood is still on the pew wiggling around, crying, complaining, kicking me....and then when it's time for the Primary Children to go up and sing to their mothers, I'll have one who will REFUSE to go up, or if they do go up, they stand up there without singing, sometimes hiding behind someone taller, or just laughing through the whole thing. NICE!
I know of some women who have quit going to church on Mother's Day. Although I always choose to go, I can actually understand their choice.

I also resent how my family spends all Saturday NIGHT (as if it's an afterthought) scrambling trying to get stuff for Mother's Day, which makes it so 1) We can't go out and do anything and 2) They're not able to find everything/anything at the last minute. It's sure a "testament" to how special they feel I am!

On Sunday morning, I'm the first one awake, thanks to my littlest one verbally requesting a diaper change from us. Everyone else is enjoying snoozing in late on Mother's Day. What is wrong with this picture? I ask myself. Even though I am starving, I don't eat because the kids might bring me breakfast in bed. So, I wait....all the while wondering if we're going to be able to get ready for church in time. When the Brood does gather in the kitchen to put their collective efforts together for my Mother's Day breakfast, arguing/crying/tormenting/complaining ensues. And I hear, no less than 10X in the background, their father saying, "SSHHHH....Stop that, don't do that - it's Mother's Day!"

After church, I'm told to go in my room and "relax" - even take a nap and they'll take care of dinner. Only, that's kind of hard considering my door keeps opening by different members of my family (the adult & children alike) asking:
What do you want for dinner?
Where is the salt?
Do we have any lemon extract?
Can I used the limes in the fridge?
Are you going to make the rolls?
What are the measurements for Ranch dressing?
If it says "3 lemons" - does that mean 3 slices of lemon or 3 whole lemons?
How do you bake a baked potato?
What does "boil" mean?
Their preparation, knowledge, & skills make for a very "restful" afternoon for me, let me tell ya!

Everyone in the world TRIES to be all nice & lovey, but I think it feels FAKE.
For Example:
There's the obligatory Mother's Day phone call with my mother, when we hardly ever call each other on any regular day.
There's the Mother's Day "coupons" I get from my children, but when I try to "redeem" one, they are unwilling and resist. (I have dozens of these unused, null & void coupons)
I've witnessed that my husband and his brothers always give their Mom a hug and say "I love you" on Mother's Day, but they do not do that at any other time of the year.

The thing I want most for Mother's Day is for my family to do their jobs, be happy, obedient, & agreeable, don't fight, and to be on time to church ~ at least for that one day.

Is it too much to ask?

Apparently it is.
But, as learned from the talks at church, All that we are, we owe to our mother -- so it's all my fault anyway....and we get a special day devoted to reminding us of just that! Which returns me to my original statement. I despise Mother's Day.

This past Mother's Day, on numerous occasions, my girls declared things like; I can't wait until I'm a Mom! It'll be SOOO fun to be a Mom! Ohhh...Mom's are so lucky!
Their reasons? They can get breakfast in bed, a chocolate/caramel dipped pretzel rod as a gift from the church, and the presents - "just like having another birthday," they naively witnessed.

Ohhh....ignorance is BLISS, eh?!?

There. I did it. I finally put my feelings out there. End of rant.

Problem Child

Haylee had drawn this picture of our family on the back of a Mother's Day card she gave me yesterday.....

While admiring her artwork, I was going through the "checklist"
Dad
Mom
Ryan
Kyle
Haylee
Katelyn
Brookelle

But I couldn't account for the one extra "person" labeled with an "S" over the top of it.

My first thought was that she was being facetious and adding an extra child to our Brood (wishful thinking on her part!)

But then I noticed that this additional figure was ALL RED and had a POINTED TAIL....and then the "S" label clicked with me.

I gasped. "Do you think Satan is a part of our family???" I half choked, half wailed out.

The smug look on her face answered my question.

NO THANK YOU!

Things I've Heard on the Job: #6

Today marks the last day of a work shift I've had at JetBlue over the last 4 months.

THANK GOODNESS X 1,000,000,000!

I've been working A LOT lately - much more than I am used to or that I care to work at my job.
The increase in hours has been due to:
1) I worked a shift this time that is actually during most people's waking hours. (As opposed to a 10PM - 4AM shift I've had in the past.)
More people awake = More people call = More busy at work.
**I will say that I chose this shift, I thought I'd give it a try, but those around me have made it extremely clear to me that they HATE THIS SHIFT! I won't do that again.**
and
2) We've just come through the winter season with the infamous SNOWPOCALYPSE(es) (plural) that wreak HAVOC on the airline industry.
More airline operations disruptions = More people call = More busy at work.

So...with working so much, I've also had plenty of opportunities to hear a lot of great/weird/funny/awesome/classic things while "On the Phones @ JetBlue."

*Customer: "I need to book a flight for either the 9th, 10th, or 11th - whichever costs the lowest."
Me: "OK - it looks like those three days all have the same fare."
Customer: "Let's go with the 9th. This is for my Mother-in-Law returning home -- the sooner, the better!"
Later...
Me: "We have some 'Even More Legroom' seats available, would you like to upgrade to those?"
Customer: "NO UPGRADE! We don't want these flights to be too comfortable for her or else she'll think she can keep coming back!"
Me: "OK - would you prefer window or aisle?"
Customer: "Let's give her a window seat -- so then she can lay her head against the window and think -- and remember how terrible we all are and how she hates us!"
Later while going over the terms & conditions...
Me: "If she is a NO SHOW for the flight, then all money associated with this fare would be forfeited..."
Customer: "Hopefully THAT won't be possible!"
Later...
Me: "You're all set. Thank you for calling JetBlue."
Customer: "Hopefully she gets there safe and DON'T COME BACK. I'll keep my fingers crossed!"

(Hmmmm...I wonder if she and her Mother-in-Law like each other?) hahaha ;)


Customer: "Can you look up my reservation?"
Me: "Sure - what is your confirmation number, please?"
Customer: "1K892PNG0X7E"
Me: "Your JetBlue confirmation number will be six digits, all letters. Can you see something like that on your itinerary?"
Customer: "No, it says right here this is my USAirways confirmation number."
Me: "Oh, is your reservation with USAirways?"
Customer: "Yes. I need you look it up."
Me: "Is any part of your flight with JetBlue?"
Customer: "No."
Me: "OK, this is JetBlue - I won't be able to look up your USAirways reservation. I would suggest you call them for information."
Customer: (voice laced with total shock) "I'll need to call USAirways???"
Me: "Yes. If your reservation is with them, you will."
Customer: (pause) "O--K-AAA-Y." (with total doubt coming through in her voice)


Me: "Hello. Thank you for calling JetBlue, my name is Suzanne. How may I help you?"
Customer: "Oh, How are you Cynthia? That's my daughter's name, as well. You've got a lovely name!"


*A customer was booking a flight for her 18 yr. old daughter and her friend, but didn't know how to spell the friend's name exactly, so she was calling to her daughter for assistance. Her daughter refused to come to where her mother was, but, instead she ripped off the spelling from wherever she was hiding out in the house. My customer tried to spell it to me, based on what she might have heard, but then I could hear her daughter in the nethermost parts of the house yelling to her about it not being right. My customer would re-spell it to me after trying to catch what her daughter said, but, again, her daughter yelled from afar the REAL spelling. After a few misspelled attempts and my customer insisting her daughter come to phone to take care of it herself, her daughter got on the phone with me and [very irritated] spelled it for me correctly. As the daughter was handing the phone back to her mother, I overheard....
Daughter: "You're literally the most retarded person I've ever met in my entire life. I hope you die!"
(Huh?!? How about, "Thanks so much, Mom, for buying my friend & I a flight!" What a lovely young woman! Don't you just hope your own daughter(s) will be like that when they're 18? How about)


* I was booking a flight for my customer who was doing it (and paying) for someone else...
Me: "Would he prefer a window or aisle seat if available?"
Customer: "I don't care. He's flying for free. He could be in the engine!"


* Customer: "I'm going to ask you a question you've probably never had."
Me: (thinking, 'No...I've heard A LOT, most likely I've had it before") but I actually said, "OK, what is it?"
Customer: "I'm going through a gender change....My ID still says, 'Michael' and I'm trying to change it to 'Michelle' which is what I go by now, but I don't have a new ID yet, these things take time....and I dress like a woman...and my gender change is not totally complete....will I have problems at the airport?....and especially with the Security department?"
Me: "The official policy with air travel is that the name on the flight reservation needs to match the name on your ID exactly."
Customer: "Do you think I need to tell them that I'm going through a gender change? Because I am."
Me: "If you feel so inclined, but it's not necessary."
Customer: "But, I'm trying to look more like a 'Michelle' than a 'Michael' and I'm wondering what to do...."
Me: "The important thing to remember is to follow the correct policy with your ID." (I repeated a version of this statement several times with each of his rebuttals and/or occasions he/she took to inform me about his/her gender change.)

He finally gave up and ended the call when he/she realized that he/she could not/did not ruffle my feathers with The Question he/she assumed would shock my pants off!

(And, YES, I've had a similar question before - it wasn't my first!)


* A man called in who was getting information from me, then would turn from the phone a bit to talk to his wife in the background about the details and ask advise about their travel plans. I could hear everything he said, but I didn't hear any response back from the wife. I could hear her in the background, so I knew she was there....
Customer: "My wife NEVER listens to me, as you can tell!"


* It's hard to correctly hear the right letters people are saying sometimes (B, D, V, T, P, G all sound the same over the phone), so it's a common practice for us crew members and customers both to clarify by saying, "B as in Bravo, D as in David, V as in Victor", etc.
So, one day I get a customer who is trying to give me his confirmation number to look up....
Customer: "W as in wiener....."
Me: (giggled a little) (He was trying to joke with me, right!?)
Then much to my surprise, when I pulled up his reservation, his name was Tom Wiener! He hadn't tried to be funny. He was being serious - that's a "W" word he can relate to! :)

Inspiration from Late Night T.V.

The other night, while watching Jay Leno Headlines, we think we found the answer to why our home hasn't sold yet.

Jay Leno showed an Ad from the newspaper that reads:

Homes For Sale

STUNNING VIEWS, Private Boat Dock,

Deep Water/Sailboat Access Canal,

Private Beach Access, Elegant Marble

Floors Throughout, Granite/Stainless

Kitchen, 15 Foot Dramatic Cherry Ceiling.

A FREE PIZZA with purchase.

Oh my word! We've been going about it ALL WRONG! Up until this point, we have only been marketing our HOME - and we have failed to offer the pizza! Is that all it would take? What were we thinking?!?

Well, here's our official [exciting] announcement. As of right now, we're throwing in a PIZZA for the someone who buys our home!! Serious. I will.

Enjoy Jay's entire Headlines clip from that night...

A Simple Math Equation

{fingernail polish}

+

{a 2 year old}

=

I think it'll be really great for trying to sell our home, don't ya think?!?

To Be a Pioneer

You don't have to push a handcart,
Leave your fam'ly dear,
Or walk a thousand miles or more
To be a pioneer!
(LDS Children's Songbook, pg. 218)

..... You just have to live in Farmington, where winds & rain will knock off your power for 3 hours and 45 minutes!

This was our story last night. The power went out at 5:55p.m. Just at the moment I was about to reconcile a customer's account who I was on the phone with for work. Just in time [NOT] to fix dinner. Just in time [NOT] to use the computer to type up school papers. Just in time [NOT to be able to open the garage door] to drive my son to baseball practice.

Ryan had homework he HAD to do, however. So, he spent a "Little House on the Prarie-ish" evening in the garage doing it by [propane] lantern light. As the evening progressed, the temperature in the garage dropped (we had to keep the side door open for ventilation with the gas), so he donned a hoodie later.

Poor Brookelle wanted to "watch a movie" all evening. And she thought we were cruel for trading in her WARM milk for COOL milk at bedtime.

Having the power go out REALLY throws you for a loop! Just about everything I thought of to do required electricity. Sidenote: That reminds me of a story. My friend told me she had a baby 9 months after they'd once experienced a 3-day power outage where she lived! ;) haha. Even though we all KNEW the power was out, we still [habitually] flipped the light switch on every time we entered a room. (with NO results!) Kyle & Haylee eventually fell asleep on the Living Room chairs/couches sitting in the dark looking at the candle that was lit up on the mantle.

I did go to the grocery store (and ALL the groceries got in safely this time, thanks to ME) 3 miles away and they weren't affected by the power outage. I spent a good amount of time there because:
#1) I quite enjoy light and heat
#2) I didn't want to walk back outside and be pelted/frozen by the sideways rain again.

The power came back on just in time for me to catch a clip of the 10 o' clock NEWS on TV where they showed Vice President Biden asleep [for 20 minutes] during President Obama's speech yesterday! What d'ya think of THAT?!? :) I thought it was AWESOME.

Kids Say the Darndest Things - March '11 Edition

Taken from the sidebar....

It was our Elementary School's "V.I.P. Breakfast" (formerly known as the "Grandparent's Breakfast") and since our kids don't have any Grandparents to go with, we (their parents) went with them. Kyle had the GRANDPARENTS tradition "stuck" in his mind, so he felt kind of weird having us go with him instead...

Me: "Come on...don't you think I LOOK old enough to be your Grandma?"
Kyle: (exasperated at my dumb comment) "Noooo!"
(thinking)
"Maybe for Brookelle and Katelyn...." 3/11


I taught Katelyn how to make Ramen noodles and she was trying her hand at it...

Katelyn: "It feels like I'm a Mom!"
Me: "Why?"
Katelyn: "Because I'm actually cooking!" 3/11
(Hmmm...does Ramen fall under the "cooking" category?!?)

I'm Talking, but Nobody's Listening

PROOF:

I was getting ready to make dinner this afternoon, and I started looking for some of the ingredients that I bought at the grocery store 2 DAYS AGO that I needed for my recipe. I didn't recall ever seeing them in my fridge/freezer/pantry in the last 48 hours, either. As I sat there wondering if I should chalk this up to another "losing my mind" episode or not, a disturbing thought washed over me.

I called down to my sons, "Boys, did you bring in the groceries from the car like I asked you to the other day?"

Son #1: "WHAT?!?"

Me: "Did you bring in the groceries?"

Son #1: "Groceries?!?"

Me: "Yeah."

Son #2: "When did you ask us to bring in the groceries?"

Me: "On Tuesday."

Son #1: "You did?"

Son #2: "But, we didn't hear you!"

Me: "Uh huh....GO GET THEM NOW!"

Have you ever had fresh (not frozen) chicken sit in your car for two days?!? If not, can you imagine the "fragrance?" :P It first got thrown away in the kitchen garbage, but after 3.7 seconds, I ordered it to be bagged up and relocated to the outside trash can.

{On the bright side, it was just a small [$30] shopping trip that day}

Now what am I going to make for dinner tonight?!!?

Welcome To the Club

Recently, this arrived in my mail...

Apparently the American Association of Retired Persons thinks I'm eligible! What the ???

AARP has always conjured THIS image up in my mind:

Is this ME?!!?

I KNEW *ah hum* 40 was "getting up there" - but....really?

What's even more confusing is that just a couple of months ago, some mail I received indicated that I was still in the baby-birthing age. (I don't think babies and AARP exactly go together!) But, just like that -- POOF! -- I'm in the Bingo-playing age??

NO! Surely, it was the wrong address! (even though it had MY name and address printed on the envelope.)

I'm definitely in denial.

Needless to say, I haven't "REPLIED" yet, and the 3/31 deadline in quickly approaching.

Now, excuse me while I go pluck the gray hairs out of my head!